The Many Faces of Love:Staying Tuned to Your Child's Needs as They Grow By Anne Leedom www.parentingbookmark.com I am going to admit something that is not something I am terribly proud of. I get my feelings hurt quite a lot lately. My oldest daughter is 10 years old (almost 10 and frac12; as she would say) and she just isn't too thrilled with Mommy's never ending hugs and kisses. Oh, I think she still likes it when I make a fuss over her and all, but there is a major shift occurring in how she wants me to relate to her.I am suddenly hit smack in the face with the one thing about love that truly defines love....giving love to someone in the way THEY want to receive it, not the way YOU want to give it. When my two girls were young I knew exactly what they needed to feel loved. They needed my endless patience, time and attention. They needed to be fed, bathed and rocked to sleep. They needed to be held. It was exhausting, but it was very straight forward in terms of how to make my children feel loved. I may not have always been able to provide it 24/7, but I knew what I had to do without question. As they got a little older, it was still tiring...answering three thousand questions a day, listening to yet another version of who did what to whom or what the latest and greatest episode of Zack and Cody was all about. We played games, helped them with their homework and marveled at the amazing people they were becoming. The rules were still very clearly spelled out...spend time with your kids and they will generally feel loved and supported. Ah.....but now the pre-teen years are lurking in the distance and the rules are changing faster than I can even begin to process them. They still need to be fed and clothed, but I have a lot less say and a lot less input into making that happen everyday. They are making good choices and it is time to give them some space to learn to take care of themselves. They still love to play games and go on outings, but that will also become less of a factor as they continue to forge friendships that will soon rule their life. Thankfully, there is no end in sight to the countless songs and stories they want to hear at bedtime. Some shred of Mommy-hood remains. However, I am left with a haunting, almost terrifying thought...when all of my tasks and the majority of my time are no longer focused on these wonderful and predictable ways to love my kids, how will they know everyday how much I treasure them and cherish them and worry about them? The teenage years are clearly going to be about something very different than the childhood years. They are about standing back, a little more each day, more and more as the years go by. We want to raise independent, confident and happy kids and they need space and a certain amount of freedom to internalize how they want the world to be with the reality of how it works for them. As our kids enter the pre-teen and teenage years, they will need strong boundaries so that when they push, someone is there to help them know when they are falling off a cliff and not just going for a walk in the woods. Somehow, having a 15 year old tell me she hates me will be harder to cope with then having a three year old say it. We have to be strong for them, not worry about being 'best friends' with our kids and remain consistent with what they need. We, as parents, have a vision of the world they don't yet possess. There were many times growing up when I didn't feel terribly loved. My parents gave me way too much freedom, and while thankfully I didn't get into too much trouble, I did feel that my friends with strict parents were very fortunate...their parents cared about them. I will be learning more about myself and my kids as the coming months and years unravel before me, however, I do have a great formula for moving into this frightening menagerie of the unknown. It all comes down to this...giving my kids the proper combination of space and boundaries along with my continued attention and support. How will I know if I am going about it the right way? I will do what I have always done...the one thing that truly makes my kids feel loved. I will take my clues from them. In listening to my kids, watching their behavior and attitudes I have the greatest indicator at my disposal that I am making the difference in their lives that I want to make. When they know that I hear them and trust them, that they have earned that trust and that I am responding to their internal compass and reinforcing their strengths, they will feel loved...even when they are living far from home....someday. Anne Leedom is the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of www.parentingbookmark.com . She has been quoted in national print including Parents, Redbook and Nick Jr. Magazines and NPR. She contributes regularly to online publications and lives in Northern California with her husband and two daughters. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

The Balanced Mom - Fact or Fiction? by Lesley Spencer, MSc. - Founder President HomeBasedWorkingMoms.com It's a pretty well known fact: Moms are pulled in many directions and their to-do list almost never gets completely crossed off. There's the kids, the husband, the house, the chores, the errands, the laundry, the meals, the appointments, the kid's activities, the birthday parties and on and on. It's an intensive job that requires some great time management and organization to ensure that everything gets done (or almost everything), and there's still enough time to spend relaxing and enjoying your family. Here are some tips to you find some balance: Use a calendar to stay organized. Keep track of home, school and work activities and appointments on your calendar. It may work best to use a desk calendar that you can take with you as well as set calendar reminders in a program such as Outlook to remind you of certain repeating activities, practices, birthdays, bills to pay, etc. Be a team. Ask for help when needed and offer help where needed. Perhaps one week you can be in charge of homework or baths and the next week your spouse can. Come up with mutually beneficial plans to help your family function and have lots of time for family fun! Let go of guilt and know that you cannot possibly do everything. Whether you need to hire a housekeeper, order take out or say no to a volunteer request, know that you are doing what's best for you and your family but not overextending yourself and putting unnecessary burdens and expectations on yourself. Schedule a weekly date with your spouse as well as individual time with your kids. Also make time for yourself. Do not let one area of your life dominate the rest. Use your evening time wisely. Instead of plopping down in front of the TV, go on a long walk with your spouse and/or your kids. Have a picnic dinner in the backyard. Play a game or do something that enables you to really connect with your family. Be a smart shopper and meal planner. Buy cookbooks with quick, healthy meals or meals that you can double and freeze for another night. No need to do it all every night. Know that you can always adjust and change your options. If the choices that were right for you last year are not as good this year, reconsider and re-evaluate all of your options. Talk it over with your spouse and close friends. Then decide what is best for you and your family today. Take life by the horns! Stay flexible. Just as your children grow and your marriage matures, your individual, career, family and marriage needs will also grow, change and develop. Stay open to changes and realize that growing with each of these areas will be fresh, exciting, challenging and probably at times, frustrating and tiring. If you work, remember in the end it is not going to matter how much you dazzled your clients or employer with long hours if you miss out on treasured moments with your children and your spouse. Remind yourself to check in occasionally on where you are spending your time.... and where you are not. Do what's best for you and your family. Don't allow others to dictate what the best option is for you and your family. With these tips and your own tried-and-true ones, you will find that being a balanced mom is not fiction. It truly can be fact. It just takes planning, delegating, flexibility, a positive attitude and some great organization. As a mom, I can proudly say and I'm sure you would agree: There's no better or more rewarding job in the world! Copyright HBWM.com, Inc. 2006 Lesley Spencer is the founder and president of the national association of Home-Based Working Moms ( www.HBWM.com ), the HBWM.com, Inc. Network of Websites and author of the Work-at-Home Workbook. She has a Master's Degree in Public Relations and has been featured in numerous media outlets including CBS News, Forbes, Business Week, Parents, Wall Street Journal and USA Today. She has been working from home for over 11 years and has two children whom she absolutely adores! Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com More >>

Dealing with "Monsters" and Nighttime Fears By Stacy DeBroff www.momcentral.com It can be difficult to think straight when your crying child shakes you awake in the middle of the night frightened and tearful by a nightmare or the monster she knows for sure has taken up residence in her closet or under her bed. Or a terrible dream that leaves her feeling shaken. Groggily, I would find myself talking half-asleep to my 4-year-old daughter, "Honey, I know that the monster moved out last week. He doesn't even like it here. He's completely afraid of you." But, to no avail. Up we went to scope out the situation and reassuringly find her room clean of all mysterious creatures. As I went to tuck Kyle in, she looked up with me with sudden realization and declared, "Mommy. I just realized that the monster only comes out in the dark." Apparently her night-light and door opened a crack to the hallway light simply didn't count when it came to monster chasing. Up went the dream-catcher (doing double duty now as a monster catcher as well) that my friend Judy had given me, and out came the "monster spray." Change-up Bedtime Rituals Read stories, or make up your own stories, about children bravely, or humorously, conquering the fear of the dark, shadows, monsters - whatever fear your child faces. Tuck your child's sheets around her snugly. Give her something warm to drink to calm and soothe her before bed. Draw pictures of things your child loves, or cut them from magazines, to fill a box. Have her select a picture from the box to think about while falling asleep. Provide soft lighting in her room. Move or remove a light that your child thinks throws frightening shadows on the walls. Fill a spray bottle with water and label it "monster spray" and have your child spritz the room before bed. Shake a little talc mixed with sparkles or just an empty bottle with the words "magic dust" around the room. Help her make a sign for the door, such as "No monsters allowed!" Buy new pajamas or a pillowcase and declare them monster-proof. Make a thorough search of the room part of your bedtime ritual. Make a ritual of shouting, sweeping, or throwing out any lurking monsters before bed. Close doors to scary closets. Go on a monster hunt to reassure your child that the coast is clear. Tell your child that the monsters are more scared of her, and she has the power to frighten them away. Give your child a flashlight to keep next to her bed, or next to her pillow, to use if she wakes up afraid in the middle of the night. Hang a dream catcher in a corner of her room, and explain how it will help catch any nightmares. On a warm night, lie out on a blanket under the stars to make warm, comforting associations with nighttime and the dark. Middle of the Night Wake-ups If your child wakes from a nightmare, talk a little about it with her.Sharing will help her feel reassured. Rewrite a happy ending for her, where she vanquishes whatever scary thing she faced in the dream. Let her know that dreams are magical things over which she the dreamer has control. If your child is spooked by night sounds, keep a tape player by her bed with a soothing tape she enjoys to lull her to sleep. If she wakes in the night, she can play it for herself. Make your child protector of her stuffed animals. Have her comfort a favorite one who might be a little scared as well, and reassure her that her stuffed animals will watch over her. During the Day If your child becomes afraid of shadows in her room at night, use daytime to teach her about shadows, make shadow puppets, and play tag with her own shadow. If your child is afraid of thunderstorms, make a game out of thunder and lightening, counting as high as you can between the bolt and the clap, and seeing if you can clap or roar louder than the thunder. Ask your child to draw you a picture of what frightens her, so you can talk about it and make it seem less powerful. Don't trivialize your child's fears. Acknowledge them and explain some of your own childhood fears and how you got past them. Confiding your own fears as a child will normalize your child's fears and help her feel more in control of her emotions and hopeful about conquering her fears. Eliminate violent or frightening books, movies, and cartoons. Stacy DeBroff is a dynamic national speaker, consultant, corporate spokesperson, and writer. Stacy is President and founder of Mom Central, Inc . Stacy has also written several best-selling books on household and family organization including The Mom Book Goes to School, The Mom Book: 4,278 Tips for Moms, Sign Me Up! The Parent's Complete Guide to Sports, Activities, and Extracurriculars , and Mom Central: The Ultimate Family Organizer . Stacy has appeared on network television including NBC's Today Show and the CBS Early Show . Stacy holds a B.A. in Psychology and Comparative Literature from Brown University, magna cum laude and Phi Beta Kappa; and a J.D. from Georgetown University, magna cum laude . Prior to launching Mom Central, Inc., Stacy founded Harvard Law School's Office of Public Interest Advising, which still serves as a model for law schools across the nation. Stacy lives with her husband, Ron, and their two children, 12-year-old Kyle and 11-year-old Brooks, outside of Boston, Massachusetts. Visit Stacy at www.momcentral.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Dream the Dream and Step into It Teaching Children to Think Positively www.pattiteel.com By Patti Teel While we'd like to believe that our children live carefree lives devoid of concerns and worries, many children become anxious and self-critical at an early age. However, parents can help their children to develop positive thinking, a discipline that can be developed through practice. Children can learn to replace worries with desire and faith, and to think and speak more positively. (In child-like lingo, this would amount to imagining that things will happen the way we want them to, and always saying good things about ourselves.) Replace worries with desire and faith Many children are born optimists. They have a wonderful feeling of self-assurance and absolute faith that their wishes and desires will come true. However, other children seem to be born worriers. They may worry about speaking in front of their class, that they are stupid, that no one likes them, etc. etc. Their list of worries can go on and on. Worrying is one of the most disregarded forms of stress. Instead of focusing on what we desire or want, worry focuses on what will happen when things go wrong. vvvvWe attract what we pay attention to, but oftentimes children (and adults) don't realize that they are focusing on what they don't want, rather than what they do want. For instance, if you and your child have been sick, you're probably both clear that this is not what you want. However, if you're thinking and worrying about being sick, it's an entirely different perspective than focusing on being well. When your child expresses a worry by telling you what she doesn't want to have happen, help her to identify and then start focusing on what she truly wants to have happen instead. For instance, if your daughter says, "I don't want to go to the party because no one will play with me," help her to identify what she wants by asking, "What would you like to have happen at the party?" And then, "What if you have fun at the party?" Children who worry a lot are great candidates for visualization and imagery. The truth is, worry is negative visualization and it takes a vivid imagination to imagine such horrible scenarios! Gradually, teach your children to focus on their wants and desires, rather than their fears and worries. Tell stories in which your child faces and overcomes a fear or attains his goal. Eventually, he will be able to visualize these positive scenarios on his own. Think and speak positively Challenge your child to direct all statements that start with "I am," towards positive statements and goals. Negative affirmations such as, "I'm just stupid," or "I'm always sick," are very harmful because they can penetrate a child's subconscious, which accepts them-hook, line, and sinker. Our minds and bodies are not separate entities-they are connected. When a child creates positive pictures and self-suggestion, it can have a beneficial effect on both his physical and emotional health. It sounds simplistic; however, children who picture themselves as happy and healthy will be taking an important step towards becoming happy and healthy throughout their entire lives. Happiness and improved health are gifts that each child can give himself through the power of his own thoughts and imagination. As parents, we always need to keep in mind that we are our children's heroes and role models. If we are continuously worried and self-critical, our children are likely to be the same. Worrying projects negative energy and it doesn't do you or your children a bit of good. In fact, when children are aware that their parents are worried about them it projects a lack of faith and they tend to feel more anxious. Admittedly, there are times when our worries are well founded. Even then, instead of worrying and imagining the worst possible scenario, try to focus on the positive outcome that you desire and on actions that can help to bring it about. About the author: Dubbed "The Dream Maker" by People magazine, Patti Teel is a former teacher and the author of The Floppy Sleep Game Book , which gives parents techniques to help their children relax or fall asleep. She is holding Dream Academy workshops at schools, hospitals, and libraries across the country where parents and children learn the playful relaxation techniques from her book and widely acclaimed children's audio series. Children at the Dream Academy workshops practice the three R's by resting their bodies, relaxing their minds, and refreshing their spirits. Visit her online at www.pattiteel.com . Permission granted for use on drlaura.com. More >>

Button Down Healthy Sleep Habits for Special Needs Kids (excerpt from The Floppy Sleep Game Book, by Patti Teel) www.pattiteel.com More children than ever before are being diagnosed with special needs "neurobiological disorders" such as ADHD, clinical depression, sensory integration dysfunction, autism and Asperger's syndrome. Children with these disorders are very likely to have sleep difficulties. In addition, the problems that characterize the disorders will be greatly exacerbated by a lack of sleep. I cannot stress enough the importance of good sleep hygiene and relaxation skills. Children with neurobiological disorders are often stressed-as they struggle to control their behavior, "fit in," and try to keep up with their schoolwork. They may also suffer from sleep-related side effects of medications that they are taking. Medications to treat mood disorders, stimulant medications used to treat attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder and some of the medications used to treat tics in Tourette's syndrome can all contribute to sleep problems. If sleep problems continue to plague your child, work with your physician. Consider alternative therapies such as nutritional and dietary supplements, biofeedback and Chinese medicine. This is likely to be an adjunct to the care provided by your child's primary-care physician. To ensure maximum benefits and avoid any negative interactions between traditional medication and alternative remedies, be sure that all of your child's health-care providers work together. When you find the right healing modality for your child, you are likely to see a big improvement. All children do best with healthy sleep habits. However, everything needs to be "buttoned down" if your child has special needs. For instance, while many children would have some difficulty settling down after a stimulating evening, it might cause a child with a neurobiological disorder to be up half the night. And while a consistent bedtime is always recommended, a child with autism is likely to feel very unsafe and unsettled if his bedtime routine is disrupted. For many children, it's as if their reactions have been cranked up to full throttle. Of course, each child is different and you will know best what sets off a problem in your own child. However, in general, the same rules apply-only more so. Tips for a Good Night's Sleep Avoid late afternoon or evening caffeine and sugar consumption. (Sodas are usually a huge source of both sugar and caffeine.) Avoid eating dinner later than three hours before bed if it seems to energize your child. (Eating too late at night raises the metabolic rate and energizes some children.) If your child has a bedtime snack, have it half an hour to an hour before bed. Limit over stimulation. Limit television and video-game playing as well as reading an especially exciting book before bed. Play beautiful, soothing music of your choice to help calm and relax your household. Have a quiet period just before bed. An easing-off period is important because most children have trouble going from full throttle to sleeping peacefully. Have an evening bedtime snack that contains tryptophan. Tryptophan is an essential amino acid that the brain converts into melatonin, which assists in sleep. Many children find a glass of warm milk calming and it is a good source of tryptophan. Other sources of tryptophan include cottage cheese, yogurt, pineapples, plums, bananas, eggs, turkey, sesame seeds, sunflower seeds, cashews and peanuts. It's best to combine these tryptophan rich foods with complex carbohydrates like whole-grain cereals, bread or potatoes; it helps the brain to absorb the tryptophan. Bedtime snack suggestions: whole-grain cereal with milk, oatmeal with milk, peanut butter sandwich with ground sesame seeds, oatmeal cookies with milk. Give your child a ten minute warning before it's time to get ready for bed to help him make the transition and finish up what he is doing. Have a consistent bedtime and a consistent bedtime routine. A warm bath is particularly soothing for most children because it relaxes the muscles and gets their bodies ready for rest. If your child is overly sensitive to light or sound, keep the lights dim and speak quietly throughout the bedtime routine. Teach your child relaxation techniques such as those described in The Floppy Sleep Game Book . About the author: Dubbed "The Dream Maker" by People magazine, Patti Teel is a former teacher and the author of The Floppy Sleep Game Book , which gives parents techniques to help their children relax or fall asleep. She holds Dream Academy workshops at schools, hospitals and libraries across the country where parents and children learn the playful relaxation techniques from her book and widely acclaimed children's audio series. Children at the Dream Academy workshops practice the three R's by resting their bodies, relaxing their minds, and refreshing their spirits. Visit her online at www.pattiteel.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

A Celebration of Family By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller www.chickmoorman.com International Parenting Commitment Day, March 20th is fast approaching. What do you have planned to celebrate this special day? Are you ready to commit or recommit to the sacred and important role of parenting so you can uplift, encourage, and inspire your children to become responsible, caring, confident people? Please consider joining with millions of parents around the world who are making a commitment to parent with purpose. To celebrate International Parenting Commitment Day with your family consider implementing one of the following celebrations/rituals. Commitment Celebrations Pledge Night Convene a family meeting. Propose that the family design a pledge that reflects your belief that feelings of oneness and a sense of belonging are important in your family. Include the importance of placing family first, honoring each other's uniqueness, and the security of family structure somewhere in your pledge.Allow all family members to have input by inviting suggestions and reaching a mutual consensus on the pledge. Display your pledge prominently in your home. Principles of Work Create a poster to display at you work site. Include beliefs you have about how you want to "BE" during your work time. Include items such as treat others with respect, listen to other's ideas, encourage others, and keep confidences private. Put at least 10 items on your Principles of Work. At the top add, SUCCEED AT HOME FIRST. Share your work principles with your family. Goal Setting Evening After your children are in bed for the evening, set some family goals with you spouse. Pick two or three to focus on for the upcoming year. With each goal you choose, list activities you can do that will help you move in the direction of accomplishing it. Example: Goal: Use self-responsible language with our children. Activities: Eliminate the words "Makes me" from our language patterns. Change "You make me mad," to "I am feeling angry about this." Use the words "choose/decide/pick" over and over with our children. We will say, "I see you chose to help your brother," and "If you choose to throw the toy you will be choosing to give it a rest on the shelf for awhile." We will stop "shoulding" on our children. We intend to replace our "shoulds" with "coulds." Balloon Release Buy two helium filled balloons. Write several parenting concerns on file cards that have troubled you recently. Also fill file cards with parenting stressors, situations that you create stress around with your children (loud radios, poor table manners, etc). Attach the cards to the balloon strings. Go outside, say a prayer asking God to take your stress and concerns and handle it in a way that achieves the greatest good for all concerned. Communicate your desire to be free of stress. Take a few deep breaths. Release the balloon, you concerns, and your stress into the air. Watch as the balloons carry your problems away. Feel lighter after having let go of all that stress. Warm-Fuzzy Clothesline A warm-fuzzy is a compliment (written or verbal) that is given to another person. Why not begin a warm-fuzzy clothesline in you home? Have each family member decorate clothes pins in their own image and write their names on them. Hang them on a clothesline that you place in a prominent spot in your home (kitchen or den wall). Use the clothespins as mini-mailboxes to share notes of encouragement, affirmation and praise with one another. Model this technique by sending at least one a day yourself. Use this special day, March 20, to re-connect with your children by celebrating your mutual caring using one of the rituals above. When you do you will be demonstrating the importance you place on the sacred role of parenting. Enjoy. Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose . They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their websites today: www.chickmoorman.com or www.thomashaller.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com More >>

College Planning Starts Early Sonja Montiel www.collegeconfidence.com No more than a few years ago, college planning started in 12th grade where it was the first time students learned about the SAT tests and build their list of colleges. Times have change with many students currently beginning their planning as early as 9th grade. While some may argue that beginning the college process this early is ridiculous, the truth is that it's quite necessary. Keep in mind that asking young students in 9th grade what colleges they are applying to does not define good college preparation; however, asking them if they would like to keep the educational doors open after high school is a conversation that must happen early on. Before reviewing the aspects of good college advising, let's look at three major influences that have impacted the way we plan for college. Competitive Labor Market: According to the Current Population Survey conducted by the U.S. Census Bureau in 2003, 77% of students who receive a high school diploma will enter the labor force compared to 85% who receive a bachelor's degree and 91% who receive a doctorate's degree. The same survey also revealed that the average earnings in 2002 increased with each education level with high school diploma workers earning an average of $27,280 annually, compared to the average annual income of $51,194 earned for the bachelor's degree holder (Stoops, 2004). The pressure and expectation of students attending college is no longer a "dream" or family quest, but more a requirement in order to obtain a career that gives a decent paycheck. Population and Demand: With competition increasing due to the sheer numbers of high achieving students, students and parents applying to college are feeling the pressure to prepare early. The panic of becoming the "top student" or "winning the race" has evolved into an obsession that leads students and their parents to push the college planning envelope as early as possible. The good old American "competitive spirit" is out there, and although often having negative effects on student performance (if this competitive spirit is not nurtured appropriately), the desire to become number one demands early college planning. It also ensures successful results in getting students in the college of their choice. Increase Colleges Choices: With over 3,000 colleges and universities in the United States and the bridging of a more global world, the encouragement of students to attend a college or university out of state has increased as well as the encouragement for students to consider applying to more colleges. At the same time, these colleges and universities have become aggressive in their recruitment and marketing techniques introducing more attractive opportunities that a student has to choose from. As a result, students must begin researching what colleges seem the "best fit" for them deciphering the difference between persuasive marketing messages. Just a reminder that finding the "best fit" does not mean finding out about the likelihood of being admitted. Instead, finding the "best fit" college means to conduct campus visits, research their personalities and atmosphere, and asked themselves "where do I really fit best?" All this requires more time for investigation and planning outside regular high school counseling hours. It's evident that the college going culture is growing by the minute, and in order for students to end up happy and successful (in that order), the college conversation needs to start early. Be aware, however, there is a damaging assumption that in order to help students prepare for college, we must use tactics that instill (intentional or unintentional) anxiety, fear, and uncertainty to the process such as national rankings and statistical GPA and SAT averages. On the contrary, students who are most successful in the college process are those who can reflect on their own needs and interests, and more importantly act on those needs and interests, as well as establish good study habits and time management skills. Also, keep in mind college admissions review student's academic and extracurricular activities for the entire 4 years; not only 11-12th grades. Many students who do not have a sense of what colleges expect of them risk the surprise of not meeting specific requirements or not having enough time to build on their interests in time. In order for students to reflect on what makes them tick, we must challenge our students to find their voice early in life, introduce the ideas of what a college education means in terms of opportunity, and prepare them to be advocates for themselves as they decide which high school courses to take and which activities to be involved in. This is the process of finding their voices, and it is their voices that will drive the college process as we as educators, counselors, and parents become their cheerleaders. Sonja Montiel, M.A., is founder of College Confidence, a Westlake Village-based college counseling firm. Montiel serves on the executive board of the Western Association of College Admissions Counseling, is active with the National Association of College Admission Counseling and serves on the planning committee for Ventura County's National College Fair. She is also a member of the Higher Educational Consultants Association. For information visit www.collegeconfidence.com Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Potty Training 101 - Emotional Well Being I am not a fan of potty training children early. In the ten years I have been helping parents with potty training, I have never known even one who was completely trained when starting before the age of three. That doesn't mean that there are not success stories out there; however, completely potty trained means that they can go to bed in a regular pair of cloth underwear (not thick with extra padding) and wake up dry eight hours later. Those parents that say that their kids are trained before the age of two usually regress sometimes before the age of five. Spanking, yelling and threatening always backfires. If a parent pulls a power play, the child will become absorbed in the unnecessary battle and become overwhelmed. Stress rises to a new, yet negative level. Unfortunately, for parents, the kids win on this one. They can potty (go to the bathroom) in the potty or potty in the underwear as a powerful tool resulting in negative retaliation creating major challenges in switching back and forth from potty training, poor eating habits and mood swings. Using food as a reward is not a way to entice toddlers into becoming potty trained. In fact, this can lead to harmful eating habits as well as using food for emotional satisfaction. Here are a few tips that have seemed to work for others in keeping the process running smoothly as well as maintain emotional well being intact for everyone. Concentrate on potty training only. Don't make it hard on kids but you will have to watch them almost every minute. Do not go anywhere with them for two weeks unless you can take the potty with you. Use stickers as a reward. Let them pick out the stickers at a store. Wrap up small gifts found as rewards after each time they successfully go to the bathroom. Children love to open presents. Put them inside a big box and let them choose the one they want to open. Rewrap them. That's right. Use them repeatedly. After they begin to get potty trained, tell and show them there are only six presents left and then, "they'll be all gone." Each time you let them open one, say, "Look, there's only 5 more left, but we have stickers," -- or whatever else you would like to use -- other than food. Do not use food as a reward. Sweets, candy, or any type of food is not good for a positive reward system at this age. It will only leave them anticipating food as rewards for other accomplishments and could lead to eating disorders later in life. After each successful potty trip, clap and say, "Whoohoo. You are such a big boy/girl! Good job!" Go call someone and share the news. Let the child tell them what a good job that they did. This only reinforces positive experiences for potty training. Make up a calendar with tons of pictures of your child on it. Make the days of the week large squares to have plenty of room for the stickers. Let your child put up a big star each time he/she goes to the potty on that specific day. Put Cheerios in the toilet and let the boys aim at them. Since they are a little more difficult to potty train, there are other incentives on today's market to attract little boys to the potty. Check at your favorite store for such tools. Buy many books during clearance sales. Keep a box of books by the potty. If possible, read a page or two or share a picture book. Read one or two books, if your little one needs to go number two. Monitor food and liquid intake. Take your child to the potty on a schedule. You will have to watch the clock to monitor food and drink intake. Cut out liquids two hours before bedtime and no caffeine -- ever. Ship your precious little one off to grandmas or an aunt's house, if things get too hairy. Sometimes, other folks can potty train our children better than we can. If you have a relative who is willing to help and your kiddo will not "walk the plank" for you, let someone else try. You might be surprised how quickly the job will be completed. Above all else, let the child show and tell you when he is ready. It may not be the calendar timing you'd like to follow, but the frustration and stress is just not worth the repercussions. Remember, accidents will occur at the least expected time. Stay cool and anticipate it as part of parenthood...this too shall pass. copy; 2006 Jodie Lynn Jodie Lynn is an award-winning internationally syndicated family/healthcolumnist and radio personality. Her syndicated column Parent to Parent ( parenttoparent.com ) has been successful for over 10 years and appears in newspapers, magazines, newsletters and throughout the Internet. She is a regular contributor to several sites including eDiets.com, MommiesMagazine.com, ClubMom.com and is the Resident Mom Expert and Spokesperson for BabyUniverse.com. Lynn has written two books and contributed to two others, one of which was on Oprah and has appeared on NBC in a three month parenting segment. Her latest best-selling parenting/family book is Mommy-CEO, revised edition . Permission granted to use on Dr.Laura.com. More >>

How to Find The Home Business Of Your Dreams By Liz Folger, Work-at-Home Mom Expert I talk to mothers on a daily basis who all say the same thing. "I'd love to work from home, but I haven't a clue what type of business I want to start." And I'll admit it, that's pretty much how I felt many years ago. The only thing I did know was that I wanted the chance to raise my kids myself and start some sort of business from home. The Key, Find a Business You're Going to Love Running Every person reading this was born with a special gift that could be used to start a home business. Once you discover that gift, you will be able to find the best business for your personality. So when you wake up in the morning you'll say to yourself, "Yeah, I get to work today." You'll feel like that is what you were born to do. It's a part of you -- it's what makes you tick. Now lets figure out the best home-based biz for you. What are your interests? What types of things do you enjoy doing. Yes, you can love your job!! Everyone is born with a special talents that sets them apart from others. Your job is to figure out what that talent is and find out a way to turn it into a business. One lady I profiled in my book, "The Stay-at-Home Mom's Guide To Making Money", had always loved horses. When she was younger she didn't have a horse of her own. So she would groom and feed other people's just for the chance to ride. Now that she is an adult she has turned that interest into a pet sitting business. She has niched herself in the area of horse care. What are your hobbies? Is your hobby candle making, painting portraits, herb gardening...? These are all great home businesses just waiting to happen. And you don't necessarily have to produce these items to make money. Maybe you could start a newsletter on the subject of your hobby for others just like you. Or maybe you could start to sell supplies for other hobbyists or businesses. Maybe you could write a book on the subject. Once you start brainstorming, you'll be surprised at all the ideas you will come up with. You're producing a service or product for your friends and family for free already. I talk with moms all the time who say their family or friends are always coming to them because they are great at creating a resume or they can really put a nice bouquet of flowers together for special events (floral designer). These are all great ideas for a home business. Go with what you already know a lot about. Maybe you enjoyed your work outside the home but still want to be home with your kids. Use your previous skills to get your business started. Teachers become tutors, secretaries become word processors, and graphic artists become -- graphic artists. The same can go for architects, photographers, and transcriptionists -- both legal and medical. SCAMS ONE WAY I do not recommend to find a home biz is to send "just $19.95 and I'll show you how you can make hundreds of dollars a week in the comfort of your home." These are all big time scams. Don't even mess with them. If any ad states easy money, no experience necessary, guaranteed success, lots of capitalization and exclamation marks, that is a scam! Or if you are talking with a sales person for a business opportunity and they force you to make a decision on the spot and it's almost like they are making you feel stupid if you say no, tell them to get lost and get out of that situation as fast as you can. The key to unlocking the mystery of what home business to start, is right inside of you. This search is not a quick one, however. Take the time to rediscover your interests and don't be afraid to start a business in the area you really enjoy. Liz Folger is the founder of http://www.bizymoms.com . Bizymoms.com is the leading online resource for work-from-home ideas. The site offers home-based business start-up kits, online classes, e-books, chats and enthusiastic support for moms who want to have it all - a family and a career. Visit http://www.bizymoms.com for more information. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

The Valentine Gift Every Child Wants By Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman Valentines Day Is fast approaching. Love in the air. It's time to find that perfect gift that will express the way you feel about your loved ones. What about your children? What Valentines gift will you present to them this year? Will you demonstrate your love with the traditional box of their favorite candy or a colorful red rose? Or will you purchase a new video game? Perhaps a card with a hand written note will be the way you'll express your affection to them this year. Certainly love can be expressed with candy, flowers, notes or gifts. But is that what your child really wants or needs? Are those the things you want your child to associate with love? How about taking a different tact this year? This Valentines Day, why not spell love the same way your child does: T-I-M-E. Yes, we're suggesting you give your child the gift of time, your time. Make a commitment this Valentines Day to be the best parent you can be by being present in your child's life on a regular basis. Your presence or lack of presence is constantly sending your children messages about their importance and about your love. To make your love more than a consumable box of candy or a card that sits on the shelf, be active and interactive on a daily basis with your children. Shut down the computer, turn off the x-box, and walk away from the TV. Invest time with your children. Create the time to play catch, shoot baskets, throw water balloons, help with homework, attend the dance recital, play checkers, read bedtime stories, or help coach the soccer team. Listed below are several ways to be creative and adventuresome in the ways you invest time with your children. These suggestions are intended to help you send the message "I love you" to your children in different and memorable ways this Valentines Day. Jumbo board game. Remake your child's favorite board game in jumbo size and play it together. Candy Land or Shoots and Ladders are great fun around the house. Making it together and setting it up is half the pleasure. Dress-up day. Dress-up like pirates and go on a treasure hunt, or dress-up like Barbie and have a fashion show. Face painting. Paint each others faces with your favorite cartoon characters. Take pictures and display them on the refrigerator. Giant puzzle. With large boxes from a local appliance store together make a giant puzzle to construct in the backyard or basement. In-door camping. Move furniture and set up camp. Pitch a tent. Make a fake camp fire out of paper. Eat hotdogs and s'mores. Hold a family slumber party as you do outdoor activities only, in the living room. Clean mud. Rip toilet paper into small strips. Grate ivory soap. Mix together with water and you have clean mud. Play with it on the kitchen floor, or in a tub on the kitchen table. Great for building, designing and frolicking will occur. Shaving cream the table. Clear the kitchen table and spray it with shaving cream. You and your children will have a blast making shapes, writing letters and putting shaving cream on their face. Have a mirror handy, its fun to see yourself with a beard. Clean up is easy too, it all rinses away with water. Balsa wood creation. Make your own boat or doll or car out of a chunk of balsa wood. With a 1 x 2 x 4 piece of balsa wood, rough and smooth sand paper, some paint, and cloth you can make almost anything. No cutting is required and the local craft or hobby store will have everything you need. Slide show. Turn the kids loose with the digital camera with the direction of taking pictures of the family members over a set period of time. Together, create a power point slide show complete with silly sound effects. Play restaurant. Help your children make a menu with appetizers, entree choices, deserts and prices. Create a fancy restaurant setting and prepare for fine dining where your children play the role of waiter/waitress, and chef. Use any of these suggestions to help you turn Valentine's Day into a day your children will cherish and remember. Communicate your love, affection, and high regard to them in a language they understand. Tell your children that you love them with time. And do it throughout the year, time after time. Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman are the authors of The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose . They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their websites today: www.chickmoorman.com or www.thomashaller.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>