May 29, 2019The Pain of Divorce Still Lingers
Posted by Staff at 10:58 AM
Dear Dr. Laura,
I have to share some thoughts with you about the step parenting issue. You are SO on the money when you tell us that people should not marry and divorce when minor kids are involved. I am both a step parent and a step child.
I wasn't a listener at the time and didn't give the issue much thought, since it was all too familiar to me. Now, every time I hear you warn parents not to divorce because of the kids, I would feel hurt. I thought I was over my parents' divorce and remarriage since we had all grown up with lives and families of our own, but the pain lingers on.
I embraced what you said about having a second chance of a good parent and child relationship and decided to apply it to a good step parent and step child relationship. I became pensive when my son and I recently traveled 3000 miles to visit my dad and step mom. As I looked around my dad's house, I noticed that I did not see one picture of my brother and me anywhere. I didn't say anything, but I could not help but observe this. A lightbulb went off in my head. I looked around my own house and noticed that my son and my side of the family are the stars of the show, except for one family portrait with my step son in it. It occurred to me that my stepson probably felt the same way I did.
I came across some pictures of my step son and his grandpa, which I am going to blow up and hang up on the living room wall. He is all grown up and lives far away right now, but will return next summer. When he comes, I want to be here to see his face light up as he looks at the new pictures. I refuse, refuse to make my step son feel the way I felt about being excluded from the "hall of fame" so to speak. I have long ago written my step son a letter of apology for my behavior back in the day, and things only got better from there.
In fact, I thanked my husband tonight for staying married to me when he could have walked. That would have been one more loss for my step son. Thank you for all your words of wisdom and admonition to families. Hopefully, many of your listeners will take your words to heart and their children won't have to go through what my step son and I both had to go through when we were kids. We, your fans love you very much and have nothing but respect and admiration for all you do. You are stronger than you know. Take good care. I am so glad that you are on the mend. Stay healthy we need you.
Sincerely, Your fan Lexi
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