January 24, 2019
Cutting Ties To Save My Family
Dear Dr. Laura:
For the longest time, I didn't understand why I had become my parents' therapists. I was put in the middle from the time I can remember. My father even said to me "when you leave home, your mom and I will probably divorce." I didn't have a choice when I was under their roof, but as I got older, I certainly had a choice. The problem was I kept up the role as their "shrink." I felt like a complete savior when I fixed situation after situation.
Finally, I thought about my unhealthy role in my parents' marriage and how I was betraying my own husband by committing time and emotion to help my parents. Then I realized I wasn't giving it up because I held all the control, and I needed to make sure I was driving the train that was my parents' marriage. Only then was I able to stop. I sweetly told my parents that I couldn't talk to them about their relationship anymore. It took a while to fully relinquish my role, but I have a much happier husband and a better-quality marriage.
Giving up such a powerful position wasn't easy, but it had to be done. Thanks for everything you do and for helping me to see the importance of doing the right thing.
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Posted by Staff at 10:59 AM