March 12, 2013 Silly, Selfish and Cheated While We Dated
Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and welcome to this episode on our YouTube channel. From Regina, is a question for me:
"I dated a guy throughout college and I was more concerned with my silly priorities. I was selfish and cheated on him while we dated.
We broke up two years ago, but still remained in contact as friends. I never told him I cheated on him; however, I am sure he has an idea and I know someone tried to tell him, but he didn't want to believe it.
Lately I've been reading a lot of your books, and I'm realizing what a great guy he is and I never deserved him nor treated him with the respect that he earned. In our last few conversations, we've flirted with the idea of getting back together some day, but if so, I feel like I should tell him.
I am not the same person I was when I was a young, stupid, selfish college student and if he and I were to get back together, I wouldn't want any skeletons in the closet to emerge and I would want to be open and honest with him about everything. Should I tell him, even at the risk of losing his friendship?"
Yes and I'll tell you why. I can more easily be friends with somebody that tells me the truth of their evolution than I can with finding it out later and knowing that they kept something from me. Friends don't do that. A real friend says, "I was a jerk. I did bad things. That was then and I regret them, I apologize for them, I take full responsibility for being an idiot, and I hope you will forgive me for that then, but it certainly isn't me now. I don't have those priorities. I don't have those fears and insecurities that led me to behave like an idiot and flirt around. I'm a stable and more mature woman who really values you. And I wanted to tell you this so you'd have clarity because, if you make a decision about being with me, I want you to know that I'm not the silly girl I used to be. You were right in breaking up with me. I have grown. I hope you can forgive that and accept who I am now."
That's a lot more attractive than the sneaking, hiding and withholding because that shows you haven't changed at all. Unless you're willing to acknowledge it, have remorse, try to repair it, never repeat it, and be open about it with him, you haven't changed at all. So yeah, by virtue of the fact that you seem to understand what I'm saying already, it sounds to me like you've changed. [Gives a thumbs up] Let him know that; he'll respect you more.
I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time, here on our YouTube channel.