Hi, Dr. Laura Schlessinger here with our YouTube channel and a question from Jessica:

"I am a 39-year-old, healthy, attractive, intelligent and kind woman, who has never been married.  I do not have a fulfilling job or life!  I honestly do not know what I am doing wrong. I am ready to be my husband's girlfriend and to have some sort of career in which I can contribute to society. I have been searching for these two things since my twenties and have not found lasting love or a lasting interest in any particular career.

A few of my friends have become very distant because they have said that being around me is bringing them down (because they know I'm dissatisfied and not making progress towards fixing it). This is VERY painful.

I feel like a smart person, but I must be missing something about my situation, something that perhaps someone with a fresh perspective can see and illuminate for me. I'm SO ready to live life, but I just don't know how to attract the things I want.

Can you help me take the first step?"

Yeah.  The most important thing about you is that you're, "Healthy, attractive, intelligent and very kind." [Looks around with eyes.]  You know, nobody is that perfect. [Laughs.]  Including yours truly.  I would call myself a hyperactive gerbil.  The reality is that you need to see yourself in this [holds cupped hand in the air towards sky] glowing light of perfection and, you know, taking risks with people or careers or jobs or hobbies...  Taking risks are scary and there's failure, and you've managed to avoid all of it.  You have no failures because you don't stay with anything.  You don't have any failures in relationships because you don't stay with anything.  You're hiding...you are hiding. 

The first step is for you to sit back and go, "Whoa, yeah.  What could she mean?  What am I hiding from?"  You're hiding from finding out that you're not just purely perfect.  Your need to be perfect comes from where?  "Oh, I don't know."  Let's go from age 12 down.  But you are definitely hiding and you're definitely protecting yourself (in my never-to-be-humble opinion) from any sort of really painful loss and hurt and judgment.  You're calling this painful?!  This is the place you stay safe.  And as long as you're determined to stay safe, nothing else will change.  That's your first step.

I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger.  Until next time, here on our YouTube channel.

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