October 1, 2012Focusing on the Positive
I called you recently because my family complained that I preferred my in-laws over them, and that my young son had a better relationship with his paternal grandparents. You essentially chastised me for choosing to spend energy on this issue with my mother when I had so many other things I could be doing for my own family.
My mom called that night for the first time in 2 months. I told her my son was still awake and asked if she wanted to talk or video chat with him, as my husband was willing to set up the computer to do so. She immediately made up some excuse about how she was busy now but would call soon.
After my son was in bed my husband asked "Well, aren't we going to talk about your mom?" I put my arms around him and said "Honey, I'm sorry I've let the fact that my family isn't so great steal time from our family. I am choosing to not let it bother me." He very kindly replied that while we didn’t bring it up often, he understood that it helped me to talk.
(This is where I think you'll see that I really got what you said)
I responded by telling him that while I appreciated his support, they were never going to change, but I could. Even if we only talked about it every couple years, it would be too much time to take away from the great things I have in my life to spend my energy on. I asked him to remind me of this if I ever forget. I gave him a big kiss and we had a great evening.
My husband and son definitely deserve a wife and mother who spends ALL her time on positive, productive things I can actually do something about. Thanks for all you do Dr. Laura.
Posted by Staff at 3:11 PM