Hi Dr. Laura:
After years of dating disasters and a failed marriage to a lazy juvenile "man," I finally learned about my pattern. I was attached to self-centered jocks and bad boys. Once I recognized that, I began to work on fixing my faulty "picker!"
Five years after getting divorced, I went to a local dance with some friends. A very pleasant man asked me to dance. He wasn't my type - too white collar. Too nice. We danced several dances and had a fun time. He asked for my number. Breaking from my norm, I gave it to him! It took work on my part to relax into a relationship with this nice man. I wasn't used to being treated like I was important. I wasn't used to be cared for. I took the leap of faith and let it happen. I discovered that I could give to him and that he would take care of me. The day he asked me to marry him, I knew we were going to work. I loved and accepted him exactly and imperfectly as he was. We made a pact to always treat kindly even if we were upset with one another. No name calling or hurtful comments allowed. EVER. In our 24 years, we have never broken that pact. Recognizing what I contributed to my early failures helped me to avoid another bad choice.
I am grateful every day for the sweet, kind, intelligent man who found me.
"Sunshine" (a nickname he still calls me!)