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Email of the Day: Kids Feel the Pain From Divorce

By Dr. Laura on August, 18 2020
Email of the Day: Kids Feel the Pain From Divorce

I am divorced after 26 years of marriage. My ex-husband and a co-worker both got divorced and then married each other. I have four children, ranging in age from 20 down to 8. My 16-year-old daughter, who has always been wise beyond her years, came to me and said:  "If you wanted to spend as much time as possible with your children, why would you get a divorce?"  I was not surprised she had figured this out, but I was somewhat sad that she had. It has to hurt quite a bit to realize your father doesn't want to spend as much time as he can with you.


Well, three years later, I've learned to live with it, but the pain doesn't go away...not for me and not for my kids.  They tell me their dad is primarily concerned with pleasing his new wife and they come in a distant second. That has pained them beyond words. My 13-year-old said she wanted to tell her dad, "You loved me before you even knew her." I hope any of your listeners who have children and are contemplating divorce think really hard about that comment. I have promised my kids I will not remarry or even date while they're still at home.  I could not think using any of my precious time and energy on someone other than my kids. That's the security they need.


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