On Thanksgiving Day, when I was 25, my boyfriend asked me to go with him to watch the sun rise on the beach since we would be with our own families for dinner that day. He surprised me with a proposal and a ring, and I said “yes!” When I showed my mother the ring, she was happy for me, but was concerned that my fiancée and I had not yet had sex and were not planning on living together until after the wedding. She encouraged me to postpone any wedding until we had tried living together first. How did we know we would get along? What if the sex was bad? The “what ifs” continued, but I told her the commitment we were making to each other meant that we would learn to get along, learn to have good sex, and we had no intention of divorcing, so we had no choice but to work it out. I then kindly told her I didn’t want a marriage like hers. She was on husband #2 and there was lots of verbal abuse between them. I had found a man who loved me and treasured me and I’d learned enough about him in our two years of dating to trust that we would be okay. She reluctantly gave in, and we got married 31 years ago.
Our only son is now in the process of preparing himself to ask his girlfriend to marry him. He’s working hard to save for a ring, and he’s building a relationship with her parents and siblings. They are following our example and will be each other’s “first.” I’m so proud of the young man we have raised. He has chosen a lovely young lady who is wonderful. I know I will be gaining a daughter and not losing a son.
Thanks, Dr. Laura, for still teaching what many think are old-fashioned morals. They may not be popular to this generation, but there is proof that they work, and give the best odds at having a life-long marriage.
Deb
Old-Fashioned Morality Still Works