I think some marriages fail because of “the grass is greener on the other side of the fence” syndrome. I married my first husband at age 18 and we had two kids right away. I thought I had to work, because we were trying to live like everyone else, with “stuff” and in debt. The stresses became too much, so I thought it would be easier to live separate lives. We split the stuff, shared the kids, and I moved out.
I fell in love with a co-worker and married him two years later. There was a lot of turmoil, mostly in the areas you talk about on your program. We added two more kids to the mix and really made the first ones feel displaced, especially since they were already living in two households and not having a real place to call home. There were money conflicts too. I was stressed and in a marriage that was less than happy.
That’s when I discovered you, and put your advice into practice. I began treating my husband kindly and he reciprocated. Things improved, and we agreed that I’d quit my job and concentrate on being a mom and a wife. The stress level plunged. My first husband moved out-of-state, so our boys then lived with me full-time. My current husband has been a good role model for them, and they have a good relationship now that they’re grown.
Do I recommend second marriage? No. I have a lot of regret for what I put my boys through. Luckily, we’re okay now, but my advice, like yours, is to wait until the kids are grown.
Angie
The Grass Isn’t Always Greener