Hi Dr. Laura:
I didn't want to become a nag, but I did anyway. I learned a few things that have helped me understand my husband better and how nagging undermines our relationship. These have enabled me to stop nagging and still get him to do most of the things I ask:
- Nagging is received as disrespectful, making it not only annoying, but damaging to the relationship. The more I nagged, the more he withdrew.
- Who knew that saying something only once (but in a nagging attitude or tone) is received as nagging?
- Who knew that you have to be willing to say things more than once, but in a sweet tone? His priorities are not the same as mine, but because he loves me, if I treat him with respect, he's more likely to cooperate.
- I need to prioritize my requests and not turn them into a burden or an impossibly long to-do list. He needs to know how he can please me.
- I need to express appreciation when he does what I ask, not just dismiss it as if it was something he should have been doing anyway. It doesn't cost me anything to be nice, and it makes for a happy husband.
Now, we're BOTH happy!
Dale
