Hi Dr. Laura!
I listen to you while I work every day... and when I'm feeling crazy or alone in this world, you make me feel as if I am in good company, and the world makes sense again. I am recently married and wanted to share this with you, because I think you might get a kick out of it.
I have been very focused and motivated to behave as what people today call a 'traditional' woman. I stumbled across a tactic I started using while dating that still works great in my marriage today with my type-A, aggressive, athletic, husband who tries to be everyone's hero and sometimes has trouble managing his stress or parsing out what is important and what to let go of.
While visiting my grandmother, I watched an old movie about a mermaid. I noticed how enticing she was and how overly feminine she was. She entranced the man in the house by being totally dependent on him to carry her around, and when he'd sweep her up she would compliment him and sing to him and ask him questions. She had a cute high-pitched voice and long wavy blond hair and big eyes. She would look at him with her big doe eyes and all he cared about was making her feel comfortable and safe... I thought this was fantastic, so one day I applied it!
When my husband was courting me for marriage, he liked to pick me up and carry me places, especially when we were out hiking. One day, he picked me up [like a mermaid] to carry me up a hill and I started singing to him the way the mermaid did in that old '50s movie. I sang, "I am a mermaid... la la la..., and then added my own personal touches about how he was saving me etc. To my surprise, his reaction was much like the man in the movie. He had this dazed and relaxed smile on his face, so I kept singing.
Today, whenever I need to connect with him, I become the mermaid again. It disarms him almost immediately, especially when he is getting tense.[It actually relaxes me as well... so the benefit is two-fold.]
I sing in a very sweet and girly voice about positive things that he is, or does, and all the ways I like and love him. I make up the song as I go. It doesn't always rhyme, but he doesn't care, he just thinks it's adorable. I see his tension melt and it somehow brings him back into the moment with me and allows him to focus on the good stuff.
Even better than that, I can also sing about things that might annoy or bother me, and because the singing soothes him, he's able to hear the meaning behind the song, and feel okay about it, rather than feel criticized and then become defensive.
Maybe other women would have fun being mermaids and getting carried around by their husbands, [but that's my secret].
YOU ARE MY HERO!
many blessings...
Jenny
