Dear Dr. Laura:
My husband and I stupidly got married after knowing each other for only eight months. I didn't realize then that people are on their best behavior when dating, and you need to take the time to get to know each other better. If we had dated for a few years, I would not have married him. He cared more about what his family thought than what I thought, but I too was the same way - we were both our parents' children rather than grown-up adults who were husband and wife.
As we have gotten older, however, we have ripened, and we see things differently. I became more sensitive to his needs and more in tune with his emotions. I listen to him more and validate what he says. If I experience a hard time, he helps me out if he can. When either he or I get sick, we offer help and support for each other. We both work hard and show appreciation for each other's efforts.
Now, when I talk about my husband to others, I accentuate his goodness and say nothing about his weaknesses, because I have a few of my own too. I would not want my husband bashing me to his friends and co-workers, but I'd want him to build me up the same way I do him.
We've come a long way over the years, and I'm truly glad that he and I made it work. We'll be celebrating our 26-year anniversary coming up. Your book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands
" really helped to make a difference in our marriage.
Thanks, too, for continuing to be the surrogate mom of our nation.
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" too - by email! Just sign into (or sign up for) the Dr. Laura Family - it's free - and tell us of your experiences.