What's the Point?
You may claim to not know why you've been cut off, but the person who is ghosting you thinks you do, and they don't want to explain it to you -- again. Several of my callers said the main reason they ghosted was because they saw no point in trying anymore. Previous attempts to address their concerns had just led to defensiveness. It's senseless to give you a reason if you've shown in the past that you're not going to listen and learn or do anything constructive with the information given or if you're just going to try to defend yourself.
It's a Family Trait
Kim told me that she believed the reason she ghosted her father was because that was what he had modeled to her by having ghosted his dad over the years. Another caller, Elizabeth, said she came from a family of multi-generational ghosters, and that there was always someone in her family not talking to someone else. Has your extended family embraced cutting people of as the way to handle differences?
Always Blaming Others
Have you ever responded to someone who told you they were hurt by your actions or words by saying, “I'm sorry you feel that way?” Have you claimed your behavior was in reaction to someone else's? If you consistently fail to take any responsibility for your part in a conflict, you might be on the road to being ghosted.
Avoidance
Substance abuse, mental health issues and even physical health disorders can be a challenge for friends and family to handle. Some people find that avoiding a situation they cannot be helpful with is the best way to cope and protect their own mental health.
Resistance Is Futile!
Some people simply shut down because they feel like they're fighting the Borg. My caller Dave shared that, after he became a husband and a father, he chose to excommunicate his parents as his only way to escape the drama-filled life he was born into. Jennifer called to say she felt her father had chosen his new wife over his children, and that the only way to free herself from the pain of being repeatedly let down by him was to completely walk away. When people feel that being in a relationship with you offers no upside to them, they might just walk away.
You Asked For It!
Have you ever, in anger, told someone to stop calling you? My caller Darren said when his sister-in-law demanded that he get out of her life, he did just that and hasn't spoken to her since. Be careful what you wish for. Ghosting doesn't happen for no reason. If it's happened to you, you're probably in one of these categories. I contend you probably really do know what the problem is, but you're having a hard time taking an honest look at yourself. If you want to work on that, give me a call at 1-800-DR-LAURA or click here to email me.
