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Blog: 7 Ways to Avoid Tension After an Argument

By Dr. Laura on April 20, 2023
Shirtless man lays under the covers next to woman in white camisole, both facing away from each other

Most fights between couples are over nonsense and should be avoided in the first place. You wouldnโ€™t dream of having that fight with a police officer, your grandma, or a nun. You use common sense in those situations, and you need to use that same common sense with your spouse:

  • Donโ€™t raise your voice.
  • Try to stay calm.
  • Take a deep breath.
  • Take a lap around the house.


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However, if you do get into a fight, hereโ€™s how to avoid the awkward tension afterwards:  
1. Let go of your need to win.

Most of the time, you have rough hours or days after an argument because you donโ€™t know how to let it go. Your ego requires you to come out on top. But in an argument, typically the person who comes out on top is the person responsible for the destruction of the relationship. So, if you win, you also lose.   

2. When itโ€™s over, let it be over.

Acknowledge that what you fought about was dumb and apologize. 

3. Donโ€™t overanalyze.

Some things donโ€™t need to be analyzed 50 ways from Sunday. They just need to be let go. 

4. Admit you were wrong.

You had to be wrong in some part of it, so just fess up to it. Tell your spouse that you were wrong and that you apologize. Donโ€™t use the word โ€œsorryโ€ - the word โ€œapologizeโ€ is more potent.  

5. Donโ€™t let silences and bad vibes linger.  

If you are going to play that game, you may as well pack your bags and leave. 

6. Ask the other person how they are feeling.  

It shows that you care, which is very, very important.

7. Touch.

Frankly, the best thing to do after an intense moment is to hug, hold hands and give each other a kiss. You need to reconnect, and the best way to reconnect is through physical contact. Itโ€™s a great way to dispel tension. 


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