This one little phrase is at the heart of what makes relationships work. When you're single and dating, you're in the “choosing” stage. If love, marriage and a family is your ultimate goal, you really cannot afford to choose incorrectly. If you do, it will be a challenge to treat kindly for the rest of your life.
When 32-year-old Sarah called me, she had been dating a guy for 8 months. Although he originally presented himself well, she was starting to wonder if they were a good long-term match.
Spoiler alert: They weren't.
Even though they had similar values, enjoyed each other's company and were shtupping, Sarah learned that her guy was not financially stable. But she didn't want to be too judgmental, and she wondered if he deserved the chance to improve.
Dating is to determine whether someone is a match. So, when you discover a real problem, what's the point of staying around? Spending more time together, especially when you're stupidly having sex, just confuses things.
You've got to use your common sense while dating. Think of it this way – you're on a sinking ship and need a lifeboat. For best results you:
a.) jump into the boat without oars
b.) choose the one that has a hole in the bottom or
c.) choose the boat that has no holes, does have oars and is ready to take you to shore
I'm sure you, my dear reader, answered “c.” But, too often, women get into the problematic boat and just try to make it work. Then, after years of disappointment, they find it hard to treat kindly and everything starts to unravel.
Dating is a time to rely on your intelligence. You have to make a wise choice and not let emotions, feelings, your biological clock –whatever – cloud your judgment. So, even when you don't want to start over, even if you're afraid to be alone, and even when you see there are some nice things about him, it's unwise to keep dating a man you can't count on.
Don't get into a boat because MAYBE it will stay afloat. Let common sense be your life vest, and just let that ship sail.
