Love Is Worth The Risk Of Loss Dear Dr. Laura, I have never heard your take on recurring dreams so you may not agree with the analysis of my dreams. I heard your caller who gave up on a relationship with any man due to a bad experience with her past marriage that ended in divorce. I can relate to this woman completely. I was married at a young age to a man who did not know how to love. Fortunately, the painful marriage ended with no kids in the mix. I decided to go back to college, get my degree, travel and to do all the things in life I wanted to do. I enjoyed being single and convinced myself that life was much easier this way. For the next 10 years, everything seemed great except for my recurring dreams. I kept dreaming I was in this big dark and gloomy house with no entry and all the windows were closed. At times, I would look out the window and see someone on the sidewalk trying to find the front gate entrance. They would walk around and around but to no avail. Other times, there would be a person inside the house with me and I was always trying to help them find a way out of the house. Honestly, I knew these dreams had to do with my inner struggles that I pushed back and tried to ignore. When I was turning 36, my recurring dream changed. My younger brother was in the house with me and the house seemed not as dreary. He told me that he had made many mistakes in his life but he had no regrets. Next thing I know, I open the door and he walks out of the house. I found myself standing in front of the door facing the yard. I panicked and pressed my body against the door, it opened into the house and I felt relieved that I could go back in. I asked a psychologist about this dream and he told me that I was the house. He explained that I was toying with the idea of allowing someone in. He said I was actually thinking about taking a risk and opening myself up to another relationship. Later that year, I decided to take a chance with someone I met who I believed had all the qualities of a good husband and father of my future children. I kept telling myself to take it one day at a time. I was honest with him about having not kissed a man in over 10 years and that I was willing to try if he was. We dated for a year and a half. We did not cross the line of sexual intimacy. We shared the same values and religion. We became best friends. We have been married for two years now and are expecting our first child. To this day, we greet each other at the door, kiss, hug and tell each other mushy stuff. At the beginning of each day, we pray together and at the end of each day we give each other long hugs and say I love you. If anything ever happened to my husband, it would be extremely painful. He is the love of my life! However, our love is worth the risk of loss. It was better to find love than to stay in that dark and dreary house. My life is full. As for my recurring dreams, they stopped after about six months of dating my future husband. The last dream had a good ending. I dreamed it was a sunny day and I was sitting in the back seat of a convertible with two friends sitting in the front seat. My friend who was driving the car slowed down in front of the house and asked me, #147;Do you want me to stop?#148; I said, #147;No, keep driving.#148; Hopefully your caller will take some risks and live her life to the fullest. Life is too short. More >>

A Voice That Supports Stay-At-Home Moms Dear Dr. Laura, I am a 23-year-old active duty Army soldier. I have been in the military for the last 5 years and grew up a #147;military brat#148; with both parents in the Air Force, my mother is in fact still in the Air Force at the age of 46. I was married a year and a half ago to a wonderful man. Since then we are now expecting our first child and I am four months pregnant. The reasons I am writing to you are to tell you about my experience in the military since I have found out about my pregnancy and about this wonderful experience being the reason that I am leaving active duty military service, all military service actually, to become a mother that stays home with her child. The responses from my chain of command have been less than supportive ranging from #147;How will you support your child?#148; and #147;Why are you willing to give up your career just to stay at home?#148; These comments have come from a high-ranking (Sergeant Major) enlisted man, my immediate female supervisor, and even my own mother. Needless to say as a child of a working military mother I experienced early morning drop offs at day care and rushed evenings of dinner and errand running. I mostly remember my mother being stressed and exhausted throughout my childhood. Despite all the comments and glares I am firm in my decision and my husband supports me one hundred percent. I just wanted to thank you for being a voice that supports instead of questioning. Please encourage other women to do the same and mother their children, especially military women where the sense of pride in career, service to country, and being able to achieve the same #147;Success#148; our male counterparts do is overwhelming. I#146;ve seen many women stay in the military and struggle to be a good soldier and mother and wife. I#146;m grateful for your influence, because of you and your show I don#146;t feel as though my decision is a strange or the wrong one. Thank you, Michelle More >>

Should My Husband Take A Job Away From Where We Live? Dear Dr. Laura, Before I start my letter I have to say I love your show and all that you stand for. I can#146;t wait to come to the Dr. Laura Foundation to volunteer with #147;MyStuff Bags#148;. I am so much looking forward to participate in such an important cause. You are the best! I was listening to your show when a lady and her husband called. She was asking if it would be all right for her husband to relocate or to be away from the family for 3 months. The couple had 2 children including a 7 month old baby. My husband Michael and I adopted our little munchkin. He was our foster baby for about 1 year while the parental rights were terminated. Michael used to work for a company in San Diego, CA, one day all of a sudden the owner decided to close the Southern California office, which meant my husband would not have a job. Michael was offered a position with the same company in Portland, OR and he took the position. We knew we couldn#146;t move as a family because we didn#146;t have placement papers for our son and we couldn#146;t rake him out of the county. When we decided it was OK for him to move by himself we thought we were going to be in San Diego (my son and I) for only 1 or 2 months (even that was wrong) and then we would be able to move as well. My son at the time was only 4 months old. We didn#146;t get placement papers for 6 or 7 months. My husband would come every other weekend to #147;visit#148; his family for all that time. I wish we didn#146;t make the decision we did. My husband missed out on sooooo much. It brings tears to my eyes just to think about it. It was the worst decision we could have ever made. We did move to Portland once we got the papers and the court#146;s authorization. We stayed in Oregon for only 8 months and after that we ended up moving back to San Diego. The #147;fabulous#148; #147;great#148; company didn#146;t keep their promises, didn#146;t pay my husband what they offered and the worst part was Michael missed out on so much more than money and benefits including our son#146;s first steps, colds, runny noses, his first trip to the zoo, and all the wonderful little moments. I hope from the bottom of my heart those people who call and the family who did call you listen to your advice, I sure hope we had. We still regret it in it has been over 2 years since then. I wish people would understand as I do know, our children and our families need us so much more than any corporate job, boss or paycheck. We learned that the hard way and we will never forget nor be able to make up for those times either. Love your show, love you! A loyal listener. Hugs, and warmest wishes! Hanna More >>

Child Tossed Aside For A New Lover Dear Dr. Laura: I thank God for you! I#146;m my kids#146; mom and my husband#146;s wife. I appreciate your work protecting children and your Mother Laura Warrior Spirit. I#146;m writing in response to a caller: her new husband would not let the kids from a previous marriage live with them. The woman was horrified that her husband was having an affair yet she seemed oblivious to the horror that her own babies didn#146;t live under their roof. As a mother I#146;m appalled and sickened. Allow me, please, to inform this woman of the possible disaster that could await her if she chooses to NOT listen to Dr. Laura#146;s sage advice: On Saturday I attended the funeral of a 16-year-old boy. He killed himself. A new husband, too, kicked him out of his mother#146;s home. The pain this poor boy felt must have been unbearable. I#146;m not saying that his mother#146;s rejection alone caused him to end his young life, but it certainly was a factor. When your own mother thinks you#146;re so insignificant that you can be tossed aside for a new lover, then why should a child think his or her life has any value? We teach our children their worth by how we as parents treat them. This week I held my babies close. I prayed for the young dead boy and his family. Mostly, I thanked God that I took my time, married a good, solid, upstanding man, and waited to have sex until after marriage. I wasn#146;t #147;lucky#148; as those who see my perfect family must surmise. I worked dam hard to get this great life! Patience was both a burden and a necessity. To that mother caller may I remind her that nothing worthwhile is ever easy? She needs to pocket her neediness for a man and start being a mother to her children. And, maybe, just maybe she#146;ll avert a horrendous catastrophe and find true love greater than any she could ever imagine#133;with her beloved children. A Listener More >>

No Longer Attracted To Your Husband? Dear Dr. Laura, I am writing in regards to the young woman who married her fianceacute;e after four years of abstinence dating, and found herself no longer attracted to her husband because they had waited too long to be physically intimate. Her insistent harping on the supposed fact that they #147;waited#148; for marriage to make love sounded less like an authentic call, and more like an ad to rationalize having sex out of wedlock. Dr. Laura, I am 50 years old and have made many horrendous decisions in my life, which have not only affected my own life, but that of others. Had there been a #147;Dr. Laura#148; available when I was 15, perhaps much of what I have created would be a more acceptable chain of events, filled with less shameful and disgusting behavior. I lost my virginity at 15 to a boy I had been dating a year, at a time when a girl was considered a whore for even letting a boy get to second base. While believing that a #147;woman#148; had the right to a promiscuous lifestyle as was acceptable for men, I also regretted my decision and didn#146;t let anyone else touch me. The boys didn#146;t go for it. The word was out and they dated me for one reason only and when after one or two #147;dates#148; (boys were no longer willing to spend money on me), they didn#146;t get what they wanted they quickly dumped me. Hearing the horror stories about couples who are virgins until marriage, and who do not previously find out if they are sexually compatible, or should I say, if he was a good lover, I married at the age of 19 to a 28 year old man whom I#146;d known for 8 months and who was what I thought was #147;good in the sack.#148; I#146;d had little to compare him to, but we spent all our time together in bed and I thought I had possibly had an orgasm #150; #147;that must have been it.#148; Immediately after the ceremony, the sex stopped except for twice a year, and I found we had little in common and that I didn#146;t know him, or even enjoy his company. Our long anticipated wedding night was such a terrible disappointment. The sex we did have was insulting with no love or intimacy, and as usual he had been out drinking with his banking buddies, making it harder to reach the climax I was so desperate he have so that he could roll off of me and go to sleep. I kept up this charade for four years, coming to the conclusion that marriage was now an insignificant piece of paper with vows that had little meaning, and I did not have to make the mistake my parents had made, staying in a miserable marriage, especially for the sake of the kids, for which I thank God there were none. I knew he was cheating on me #150; he had to get it somewhere #150; and so I met the love of my life and left him. We shacked up. I learned the true meaning of the word love and, orgasm, over and over again. However, a year and a half later he broke my heart and left for a new warm bed. During the two years it took me to recover, I became very promiscuous and had guys lined up, many of them proposing marriage #150; isn#146;t that a kick! I told myself I was searching for Mr. Right, the guy who knew what #147;buttons#148; to push, and when I met those guys, I rarely was #147;satisfied#148; with their expertise in the bedroom more than once. I was looking for someone to match that with their expertise in the bedroom more than once. I was looking for someone to match that #147;love of my life.#148; When I hit 28, I took a look at my life and realized it was time to grow up. I met the father of my children, my husband, at work. After 6 months of dating we hit the sack. He was lousy in bed, in fact not even a good kisser. But he was good to me and loved me, and that in itself turned me on, so I married him. I was very physically attracted to him but avoided sex as often as I could, knowing that there was little pleasure in it for me. HE came on to me every day for years, but I only #147;gave in#148; about every ten days. He was patient and never threatened to leave me, he was just always pursuing me, knowing he would get it eventually. Well, Dr. Laura, after our two teenagers were born (they were actually tiny babies at the time) sex almost stopped and I severely neglected my husband. There was a point when I thought he was becoming very attracted to a girl at work and I woke up. It was rough going but we both worked through it. The amazing thing is, that into my 40#146;s I found that I was sexually in the prime of my life and wanted sex with him at any costs, even not being completely satisfied #150; I should say, though, that I found a power tool that helped things along quite nicely. More importantly, I found that my body was more receptive to his, and I no longer waited for him to #147;satisfy me.#148; There was a deep love that had grown through the years and all the anguish and good times we had lived, and that in of itself was an aphrodisiac. Once the expectation was off of him to perform, our bodies were more in tune to each other and the sex was and is better than it had ever been in my life! I was truly making love for the first time and what an exhilarating feeling, this consummation of our love. And also, once I stopped running away from him I found that he really only wants to have sex two or three times, every ten days or so, and each time it is fabulous and certainly worth waiting for. I think that if couples think that through all of their marriage they have to have sex three times a week or whatever the norm is today, that puts too much of a strain on the marriage, and it can lead to boredom. I just want to say to this young woman, relax, be giving and patient, open and loving. I wish I had done it years ago, and in the right order, that I may have enjoyed the marital bed even longer. However, I am grateful that at last we have come to fruition. Thank you, Dr. Laura, for your strength and guidance, and for giving me the courage to be thankful. I have been listening to you for years, and you have shown me the light and my own darkness. God bless you. Fondly, Maria More >>

Family Values For Your Single Listeners RE: FAMILY VALUES FOR YOUR SINGLE LISTENERS Dear Dr. Laura We always have your show on in our office! My name is Lee. I am 37 and single. I was married briefly many years ago and quickly found that I had married an abusive man much like my dad. We did not have children and I have not remarried. (of course I have no children). I have learned many things over the years. I wonder if they would benefit other single women. Because I believe that sex is for marriage. I don#146;t get any. It is not easy, but it is a choice I have made because I don#146;t think I#146;m the marrying type. My abusive background did a great deal of damage and I have learned that I am a very messy person to try and have a love relationship with. I do however have lots of friends from high school and college that I have remained close to and I enjoy being #147;Aunt Lee#148; to more kids than I can count. I guess I#146;m writing you because I see a lot of women who are like myself except that they are pining away for the perfect man. I am blessed to have many men in my life who are caring, and of excellent character. They are my friends#146; husbands. I get to watch and listen through my friends and so I have learned that men can be very wonderful. My encouragement to other single women my age is this; not being married does not take away my femininity. I don#146;t introduce myself as a #147;homemaker,#148; but I feel I am one. Not in the traditional sense, however I take a great deal of pride in my home#133;it is a place of peace, comfort and rest for those who visit, I really love being a woman!!!!!! I am a Christian and often hear about the #147;gift of singleness.#148; I don#146;t have that gift. I see myself more like the person Jesus described in the New Testament when he said #147;Some men are made eunuchs by God and some at the hands of men.#148; In Jesus#146; day, that was no joke. Some slaves were castrated so that they could be trusted around the family. I see another meaning here as well. I don#146;t think God gave me the #147;gift of singleness,#148; I think I grew up in a violently abusive and neglectful environment that sort of #147;castrated#148; my ability to be a 24-7 relationship person. Yet, I am totally content with my life. Sort of like, if someone has a crippled arm, they accept that they are not Yankee pitcher material. They can still be very content with who they are and what they CAN do. Sorry if I#146;m rambling. I just see a lot of women (and men) who have a great deal of abuse in their backgrounds. They are trying to do the socially accepted thing and get married and have kids just because they want to or think they should, regardless of whether or not they are good at it. I have decided to be excited for the kids who are growing up in the great families so many of my friends are providing. If even one person hears these words and accepts their own limitations and can learn to love the fullness of life without living out someone else#146;s expectation#151;well that would be great. My point: IT IS OK TO CHOOSE NOT TO MARRY AND NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN! I CHOOSE TO SERVE MY FAMILY VALUES BY LETTING OTHERS WHO KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING RAISE KIDS! LOVING LIFE!!!!!! Lee More >>

Your Child Is Being Disruptive To Our Marriage Dear Dr. Laura, I just listened to the caller who is separated from her husband because his child was disruptive to their marriage. I have listened to these types of calls ever since I have been listening to you, which is about 10 years, and usually end up in tears. I am a 33 year old married Mother of three. My parents divorced when I was 2 years old and shortly after, my father moved out of state. I had visitation once a month with my father and summer vacations away from my mother for weeks at a time. I would watch my father with his new family and his wife#146;s children and would ache inside for the same kind of time with him. He never got to visit my schools, help me with my homework, teach me to drive. My Step-Father did these things, which I appreciate now, but then it wasn#146;t good enough. There are a multitude of stories I could tell you of things that my step-siblings received that my brother and I didn#146;t which include monetary and physical comforts. The point I would like to make is this #150; Every Mother and Father should put their children before any new wife and kids that may come along after a divorce. They should live in the same town, and act like there is nothing else in this world they would rather be doing than spending time with their children. My heart aches right now as I am writing this to remember all the times I had to say goodbye to my Father. To this day I have a hard time saying goodbye to anyone. I think it brings back memories of when my Father would leave and I didn#146;t know when I would see him again. I have only in the last 3-5 years been able to let go of the horrors of my childhood and feelings of abandonment. I have forgiven both my Father and Mother for circumstances leading up to their divorce. It was my Father#146;s loss, too, and he has to live with that. I have chosen to live my life now for my husband and children and have vowed to keep my marriage together for my children if nothing else, although I am married to a terrific guy. Thank you Dr. Laura for coming into my home everyday and helping me live a better life. Sincerely, Kelli More >>

Kudos Taken Back. Hi, Dr. Laura.I#146;m not able to listen to your show as regularly as I#146;d like so please forgive me if this information has already come to your attention. Several weeks ago my wife told me that she heard you give kudos to a Redlands High School for their #147;new#148; dress code and other stricter behavioral guidelines for the coming year. Wellll, I#146;m sad to tell you that it#146;s turned out to be just another feel-good joke. The administrators made a big deal out of how successful it had been in the first weeks of class, but after all the hubbub had died down everything is pretty much back to status quo. My son and other family members go to RHS and tell me that the policy is considered to be a joke by most if not all of the students. My niece, who goes to the other high school on the east side of town, tells me that the students there fall over backward laughing at what a joke they consider the policymakers at RHS to be. She told me from the start that nobody was taking the new rules seriously #150; they knew it wouldn#146;t last past the first couple of weeks. It turns out she was right on. The cd players that are not supposed to be on campus and are supposed to be confiscated if found are in wide use everywhere #150; the staff does nothing to enforce the rules. When I go by the school in the morning I see boys dressed like goth pimps and girls dressed like discounted hookers. In other words, little has changed. It#146;s just more of the same #147;make a rule and then don#146;t enforce it.#148; My son understands why I won#146;t let him take his cd-player to school, but he also understands that a lot of his classmates are being taught, tacitly, that it#146;s ok to ignore a rule because so few adults have the guts to stick to what they say. Anyway, I know you don#146;t give kudos lightly, so I wanted you to be fully informed. Please feel free to verify this with other parents in the area and come to your own conclusions. Yours, Donald H. P.S. I#146;m a teacher in another school district that has similar dress policies#133;I#146;m one of the few teachers on my campus who enforce them. More >>

Be Careful When Entering A Bookstore With Your Children Dear Dr. Laura: I am writing to you for two reasons: first, to share a very unpleasant situation that I recently experienced and, secondly, to ask you to please make your listeners aware of the following situation. On November 11, my husband and I took our eight and nine year old girls to the only bookstore in town, Barnes and Noble. The girls wanted a drink from an adjacent Starbucks, so I suggested to my husband that he take the girls to the children's department and read some books while I waited for the drinks. I am so grateful that he accepted my suggestion because on my way to bringing the drinks to our kids, I walked through the self awareness aisle-not purposely, and to my horrible surprise my eyes went straight to a book entitled: " Ultimate Sex " by Anne Hooper. You might wander, "So What?" Well, the main issue was not the title; the issue was the cover. There were two naked bodies posed in a seductive, sexual position. It was impossible to miss or misinterpret it. Although the shot was taken from the side, half the woman's breast was displayed. The picture would have clearly caught my two daughters' attention (trust me, it was hard to miss) and would have put my husband and me in a position of trying to find ways to deal with their confusion and disgust in a less than comfortable setting. Barnes and Noble is not exactly the place where we as parents want to discuss sexuality with our little girls or answer the why would individuals pose naked and in that position for a cover of a book. It didn't take a second before I felt anger and disbelief. I could feel my Puerto Rican blood reaching boiling temperature. I went and retrieved my husband and showed him the book and the aisle in which this book had been placed. I asked for him to stay with the girls while I dealt with the store manager. To be honest with you, I don't even remember her name. I remember my anger, which by the way, had been simmering for a while over not being able to easily find good conservative books (since they purposely give the best view to all their liberal junk). When I confronted the manager and asked how dare they display books like that in an area that families with young children can innocently walk by and see, her answer was: "Are you serious?" I wanted to shout back: "Does my behavior seem to you like I'm joking or having a bad PMS, Go Pick on Someone's Day?" I bit my tongue to avoid being cynical, but I did ask (among other things): "How can you be so irresponsible? How do you explain something like that to a child?" I told her that it was bad enough that they couldn't stand to cater to conservatives, but to actually display a book of that nature at a place that prides itself for being a family place, was beyond any reasonable boundary. This is a place where one supposedly can take children in their pajamas for storytime. Here comes the best part. I asked her if she knew who Dr. Laura was? She was stunned! Something told me that she knew what I was about to say. I looked at her in the eyes and told her that you (Dr. Laura) would hear about this and so would millions of listeners. She offered an apology and I walked away. I was still simmering though. Once you get a Puerto Rican to that point only a heart attack will stop them (as my husband has said to me many times.) I went back to the aisle, grabbed the book, came back and in front of some customers put the book on the counter and asked: "How do you explain this picture to a child?" I left after that incident. My husband got the girls some books, we came home, and after some thought decided to write to you. Dr. Laura, I have come to realize that freedom of speech is a one way street. It is a privilege reserved exclusively for liberals or people with similar thinking. It is an avenue for the bad, amoral, and evil to safely display their essence. One can be gutsy and cross them, but at the risk of being treated as a lunatic and old fashioned fanatic. I find it quite puzzling that their obsession with having people accept their lack of morals and values is defined by them as "tolerance." In other words, if we disapprove of what we see or hear and proceed to exercise our freedom of speech by voicing our beliefs, we are perceived as hateful, bigots, uncompassionate, self-absorbed, self-righteous, narrow-minded, incapable of understanding beyond our world, and so much more. It is astounding and hurtful to know that as parents trying to raise children in a godly way, we are categorized into the "radical people" label. It is confusing to find at the bookstores books written by Madonna trying to teach us, believers and followers of God's laws, how to raise moral children. As if we need her, "the mother of morality," to teach us how to raise excellent, moral children. I believe whole-heartedly that I should be the one asking: "Are you serious?" Thank you Dr. Laura for bringing this issue to your listeners' attention. I realize that as a business, Barnes and Noble has the "freedom" to sell whatever they desire. However, since they have a pretty well stocked children's section, one can assume that they are trying to attract children into their stores. I would greatly appreciate that the management would invest in some warning signs and post them by the entrance. It should read as follow: "WARNING! You are about to enter a store that invites children to learn, from a very young age, about the ultimate sex experience. No need for the children to know how to read. Pictures are more powerful than words!!" That way those of us parents that still believe that sex education is our family's business can have the chance to turn around and find a more child friendly bookstore. Thank you for the good work. I appreciate so much the wisdom and guidance that you share with all of your listeners. I was raised by a sick and abusive mother, who needless to say wasn't able to guide me. I have to say that I have learned so much from you. Thanks to God and to you, I have found the perfect combination to guide me when I am feeling ambivalent or insecure about situations. You both keep me grounded in my desire to be a great wife and mother. Thank you and God bless you and your family. Sincerely, Libby (My kids' mom) More >>

Men Are Starting To Get Frustrated And Fed Up With The Silly Antics Of Women To: Dr. Laura Fr: Christopher E., San Jose Dear Dr. Laura, I have been listening to your show on and off for the last few years. I'm so glad you are still on the air, and hope you will continue to be there for many more years to come, so that my own children will be listening to you when they finally have their children, etc. You are a beacon of light in the social distortion of today. I know many people get on you for your conservative, or old-fashioned values, but I say, "Poppycock!" to them (I would actually use harsher language then this, but this is a family show after all). I really appreciate it when you don't back down from women, either the ones that call in or write you hate mail. Please never stop standing up for what you believe in. If more women were like you in this world, there would be happier men. Men are losing their sense of self in this Hillary Clintonism that has been sweeping this nation in the last few years. As a male today, I feel lost in a sea of confusion and insanity dealing with women. And, with women getting into politics (i.e. Hillary Clinton) and other areas of power, men will continue to lose any sense of who they are. Until men start to stand up for themselves again, they will be crawling on their knees for the rest of their lives. This is not a good example for our sons who will have to take their rightful place as men one day. So, again, I am so glad when I hear you setting standards for the proper way women should act. There are so many women out there who just think they can do what they want, when they want, with no sense of repercussions what so ever. We men could never get away with a lot of these things. For example, a few years ago, I worked for a county office (here in CA), dealing with child support, child visitations, etc. We all hear these horror stories of dead-beat dads who aren't paying their child support. What we don't hear about are the men who DO pay their child support as demanded by the courts, but their ex-wives or -girlfriends go to the courts and demand of the judge that the man pay even more. And then as a way of getting back at the man, many women will go to a judge and tell him/her that the man has been molesting the children. And the courts tend to automatically believe the woman, without any real proof. This type of scenario goes on far too often, but we never hear about it. Men always seem to get the bad rap. Yes, us guys do things that are less then respectable. And, yes, there are a lot of real dead-beat dads that are not living up to their responsibilities (I pay my child support and feel any man that is part of bringing children into this world should be held responsible for their actions). God will find a way to punish these men in his own way. But why does it seem that women almost always get a pass? If a man does certain things, he is considered the worst piece of garbage alive. Yet, I have seen women do the most horrendous, terrible things that would make even a combat-hardened Marine Corp. Drill Instructor be ill. Yet, the women are never called on it. Currently, I am a divorced male, after having been married for little over ten years. My ex-wife has since remarried, more out of a sense of financial desire rather then true love. We are on good speaking terms, (which is good for the children's sake), and really don't have any desire for each other anymore. But, being single, I'm finding it very difficult to meet women of any real substance. I consider myself a gentleman, I am a stable person; I go to church, and I am very personable. I like and love women, and really enjoy the company of a good woman very, very much. I would really enjoy meeting a quality lady to share love and life with. But, I'm finding so many women today are only into what they want, that they leave no room for me or any man. It's gotten to the point where I'm thinking of not looking anymore, because I'm not very impressed with what I'm seeing. For example, you recently had a woman on your show that was a mother of 2 children, 9 and 12. She also stated that she was busy in her community and worked hard. But, she also stated that she really would like to have a partner in her life. I meet women like this quite often, and most don't really want a partner at all (they just want a man to do things with - to keep it light and superficial - not to get emotionally involved with - which isn't really a relationship - it's like going out with one of their girlfriends). The personals (on the Internet and off) are full of women just like this. The question I would have asked this woman was, "Where was the man in her life supposed to fit in?" I don't see how any man would really be part of her life. The man would have to fit into her life, under her terms. No man or woman wants to be treated as just a part-time partner. I understand that many women are bitter and angry. I've been there myself, having been burned in a relationship (I have since learned to empty my "cup"). But, far too many women out there are walking around with their cups filled with "bitter wine". Some even have "witch's cauldrons" (complete with eyes of newt and dragon's breath". How is any man supposed to deal with those issues? And yet, many of these women will state that they are trying to find Mr. Right. Well, I'm sure Mr. Right has come along (I might even be him). But, their cups are so full of their bitter wine, where is anyone supposed to fit in? As for myself, I am a unique, rare vintage flavored wine, and I'm not going to pour my wine into their cups and have it tainted. I've even tried the personals, which seems to be the worst place to find a partner these days. What most of these women don't seem to understand is that if they don't clean up their issues and baggage, they will never allow in or draw in the right partner. Another thing I find confusing is where women will be angry and bitter about what some man did to them (it's amazing how it's always a man who's done it to them - where is their sense of responsibility?), yet here they are on the personals and such, hoping to find a man to take care of them. Possibly, to repeat the cycle? Far too many women on the personals are at a point in their lives where the best years of their lives have been taken away. So, wonderful guys like myself end up with emotional leftovers. It's like going to an auto dealership and being shown an automobile with 100,000 miles on it. And they wonder why they are single, or that guys end up chasing the younger girls? Despite the middle-aged crazy behavior that men show when they are out with girls that are too young for them, this is really not what older men want. I, for one, do not desire a girl (especially if she could be as young as my daughter). I want a woman who is closer to my age. But, so many women in their late 30's, 40's and 50's are still acting immature. This is one of the major reason guys go for the younger gals. Now, I don't NEED a relationship. I do things on my own, and I keep good company with myself. But, I sure would like a quality lady to share with. I believe that a relationship should be 60/60 give-and-take effort and dedication from each partner. This is pretty hard to do when a relationship is going to be one-sided. Why do women feel that their needs and desires should always come first? Or, that they are more important then me in a relationship? Is it because they have the power to give birth that they feel they deserve and demand more? So many women demand that they have the rights to use their bodies anyway they see fit (such as having abortions), but where is their responsibilities for their actions? I enjoy spoiling women, with sharing and giving them flowers, gifts, little tokens of affection and making a woman feel loved, admired, cherished and like a Goddess that she is. Unfortunately, I've met far too many women who did not know the first thing of how to please a man. And I'm not talking about sex either, but of making a man feel special and of simple pleasures to be shared together. Dr. Laura, you might not hear what I'm saying that much from other men. But, believe me when I say that what I'm telling you are things that most men will agree with. Men are starting to get frustrated and fed up with the silly antics of women. Some people will consider what I'm saying here as Women Bashing, but I'm not. I'm just making an observation, which I feel has been to slow in coming. Yes, we men do deserve to be ragged on from time to time. But, if women acted and behaved more like quality ladies, then perhaps, men will act more like gentleman. I just hope it isn't too late for men to realize that they need to get their acts together. The sad part is, is that with all the logic and standards of character that you give on your show, most women are still going to ignore the advice and do whatever they want to do. Dr. Laura, please keep up the great work and don't ever let the women off the hook. You are the only one out there that is really fighting for us guys. You deserve a standing ovation and a big hug of appreciation. Dr. Laura, if you ever decide to write a book about what men really think and feel about women, I hope that you would contact me. As I could tell you so much about what men would like women to know, of how we really think, etc. I have thought about writing a book called "Code of Conduct" which would deal with the way people should really act. Perhaps that would be something that you might be interested in researching. Thank you for the time to read this. Christopher E. More >>