Dr. Laura
Dr. Laura, America's #1 Relationship Talk Radio Host
On: SiriusXM Triumph Channel 111
Call 1-800-DR LAURA (1-800-375-2872) 11am - 2pm PT
Relationships
Seven Secrets to Make True Romance Last
Seven Secrets to Make True Romance Last
04/16/2012

By Edwin A. Locke, Ph.D. and Ellen Kenner, Ph.D
www.selfishromance.com
    

The so-called experts say romantic passion cannot last - that it's just based on hormones in the brain which deplete as the "honeymoon" period, the excitement of a new love, fades away.

We disagree. The secret to lasting romantic passion lies in knowing what makes romance thrive. For many, romance is infatuation - it is falling head over heels for someone based, typically, on one or two desirable qualities such as looks and charm. Such attractions do not last because they are too shallow.

True romance is based on loving the whole person, not just skin-deep but soul-deep. It's a feeling of deep connection based on the sense you share fundamental values, fundamental views about yourselves and the world. For example: Is the world a place of adventure or a place that inspires fear? Does each of you want to grow in your knowledge and skills or just stay the same? Do you feel "in sync" emotionally? Here are seven secrets to making romance last a lifetime.

1. You need moral character: honesty, integrity, independent judgment, a sense of justice, earned pride in yourself.

2. You need an ego. If you are selfless, there is nothing to love. A person with an ego has their own values, things they stand for, things they love, things they want for themselves. Each partner needs to support the other's values.

3. You need also to share some common values - over and above moral values - things you both like to see and do together.

4. You need compatible personalities - you don't both have to be the same but you need to mesh so you make each other feel understood and appreciated.

5. You need to care about your appearance (without being vain).

6. You need constant communication, which includes good listening and feeling understood.

7. You need good sex, which means you need to learn how to give each other pleasure by telling each other what you like (and do not like). You need to learn to read each other's moods and try to establish a positive emotional climate.

Are you starting to see what it takes to make a lasting romance? Hard work. If you know what love really is, not only will it last once you pick the right partner, but it will become deeper and more passionate as the years go by.

©Copyright 2011.
Edwin Locke, PhD, a world-renowned psychologist, and Ellen Kenner, PhD, a clinical psychologist and host of the nationally-syndicated radio talk show, The Rational Basis of Happiness®, have co-authored the Selfish Path to Romance: How to Love with Passion and Reason. Both are experts on Ayn Rand's philosophy of Objectivism. For more information visit www.selfishromance.com.  Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com

Tags: Character, Courage, Conscience, Character-Courage-Conscience, Dating, Marriage, Morals, Ethics, Values, relationship, Selfishromance.com, Values
PERMALINK | EMAIL | PRINT | RSS  Subscribe
< Back to Relationships Archives
Make an Appointment
Stay Connected
or connect at a place below
Normal Gear
Latest Poll
How many close friends do you have?
Archives  |  Results
Programs
About Dr. Laura
Letters
E-mail of the Day
From Listeners
Audio & Video
YouTube Videos
Stay at Home
Parenting
Relationships
Simple Savings
Work at Home
Tip of the Week
Subscription
Membership
Help & Support
Family Premium Help Center
Podcast Help
Contact Us
Legal
Terms of Use
© 2019 DrLaura.com. Take on the Day, LLC
Dr. Laura is a registered trademark of Take On The Day, LLC.
Terms & Conditions  |  Privacy Policy
Powered By Nox Solutions