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Parenting
05/13/2010
IconI'm very sad that, generally, girls today are pigs.' I was speaking with a group of young men in their early twenties, about their social lives.' They each admitted to multiple girlfriends with "overlap."' Most of them expressed some disappointment that they really can't find what they know Dr. Laura would label a "nice girl." "You think they are good girls, but the minute you show them some attention, if they're at all interested, they are all over you with zillions of daily suggestive text messages and sex.' They're open for, ahem, servicing us, even before we've taken 'em out on legitimate dates - which can usually be just a visit to a bar or club. "I think," one fellow continued, "that just about all girls these days are pigs." This made me very, very sad.' Because the more that young women act like "pigs," the less respect and regard men have for women in general - and the less they hope and fantasize the blessed possibility of a lovely wife and mother to their 84 children.I opened the paper today to read about a young woman from San Diego who is selling her virginity on a website so that she can pay for her - get ready for this - education as a marriage and family therapist!' Her sister apparently led the way by being a call-girl/hooker to pay for her education.' Well, there is nothing new in women selling their bodies for financial compensation; what is new is the bold and cavalier way it is happening today.' The young women I mentioned said outright that sex and virginity means nothing today.' And this is the sort to help families and marriages?' Are you kidding?When everything of value is demoted to "nothing"...then how is anything ever elevated to "something."' See?' That's why I'm sad.' I'm sad for all these young men who have been taught by the piggish women of today that love, fidelity, and intimacy mean nothing.' I am sad that our young men have been robbed of hope that they can ever be secure in a marriage, because how can they trust a cavalier "pig" to ever be anything else? More >>

Tags: Character, Courage, ConscienceCharacter-Courage-ConscienceCharityChildrenMoralsMorals, Ethics, ValuesParentingSexSexualityValues
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Tags: HealthMarriageParentingSocial IssuesValues
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05/13/2010
IconAt a recent media fundraiser, I was asked how a parent in southern California could best tell a child why he or she would have to go to bed hungry.' My answer (which was met with some silence) was that in southern California, there is absolutely no reason for any child to go to bed hungry, and that parents should do whatever it takes, legally, to make sure that didn't happen.That means going to your local church and other available community resources for temporary assistance, getting some part-time, even menial, work in the evening for some extra income, going to "big box" stores with friends or relatives to pool your resources and buy cheaply in bulk....I could go on and on.I remember one point in my own family's life when we went through every pocket of every jacket and pair of pants, every drawer, and every little "box-like" entity in the house to pool together enough money to go to McDonald's with our son.' I remember crying in the mall one day, because we didn't have enough cash for a second pair of shoes for him.' I remember being angry and scared, and I remember hunkering down with my husband to figure out how to solve the problem.' I've been there. Dave Ramsey is in print and on just about every television program, giving good advice on what to do about your financial situation.' Check him out. More >>

Tags: CharityChildrenEconomyFamilyFamily/Relationships - ChildrenFamily/Relationships - FamilyFinancesParentingRelativesSocial IssuesValues
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Tags: CharityEthicsFamily/Relationships - ChildrenMoralsMorals, Ethics, ValuesParentingReligionValues
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05/13/2010
IconWith all the hoopla surrounding celebrity minors who get pregnant ' out of wedlock ' everyone seems to forget or ignore the price that their children pay.' Obviously, a Jamie-Lynn Spears or a Bristol Palin has a source of financial and family support, but that situation is the exception and not the rule.' Glorifying teen motherhood and supporting it (think of John McCain with Bristol Palin's 'baby daddy' in a photo-op, for goodness sakes) does a gross disservice to the realities of the situations.Babies need adult parents ' a Mom and Dad, who are (preferably) married.' Or are babies just accessories to be called 'cute,' and then passed on to the hired help?A recent study by the Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy pegs the annual cost to taxpayers at almost $10 billion per year.' Spread that wealth!' Less than 40% of teen mothers earn a high school diploma, and their children are far, far more likely to go into foster care and eventually end up in prison than children born to even slightly older mothers, writes University of Delaware economist Saul Hoffman in Kids Having Kids:' Economic Costs and Social Consequences of Teen Pregnancy .Linda Lausell Bryant, the Executive Director of Inwood House, a New York non-profit that assists teen mothers is frustrated by the racial issues involved.' The vast majority of girls are black or Hispanic. 'It's a double standard.' If you're a poor kid of color, it's a bad thing.' If you're affluent and white, it's not so bad.' She explained to the Associated Press that many of the girls served by Inwood House had already dropped out of high school before they got pregnant, and saw motherhood as a chance to add meaning to their lives, which may have been punctuated with abuse, abandonment and/or chaotic homes. 'It is a dream,' she says, 'of raising a child the way they wish they'd been raised ' being the kind of mother they never had. That's the fantasy ' it's very powerful.' Our celebration of teen pregnancies leads young girls in the wrong direction:' increasing poverty, despair, child abuse, abandonment, and even infanticide. Why am I one of the only voices in the media stating that what Bristol and Jamie-Lynn did was wrong? More >>

Tags: Family/Relationships - ChildrenFamily/Relationships - TeensMotherhoodMotherhood-FatherhoodParentingTeens
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Tags: DepressionFamily/Relationships - ChildrenHealthMental HealthParentingPersonal Responsibility
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05/13/2010
IconA listener sent this in and there's a punch-line:According to a news report, a certain school in Garden City, MI was recently faced with a'unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the washroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror, leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back.'''''Finally, the principal decided that something had to be done. He called all the girls to the washroom and met them there with the maintenance man. He explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, he asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.''''''''''''The maintenance man took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.' Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''THE MORAL OF THIS STORY:'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''There are teachers, and then there are Educators. More >>

Tags: EducationEthicsFamily/Relationships - ChildrenMoralsMorals, Ethics, ValuesParentingValues
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05/13/2010
IconI'm a licensed psychotherapist (MFT), and I'd like to offer the following to help you parents deal with your children when so much that is scary to them is happening locally and internationally.It is impossible for your children to not notice things like fires burning homes down, or hearing about gang violence, murders of children, store robberies and the like.' It is natural for parents to want to protect their children from ugly realities and have them immersed in their innocence as long as possible; it's just a bad idea not to answer their questions, even when the subject matter brings a sense of horror to your own heart.I've gotten a number of emails inquiring about how to answer questions like: "Why would God let all those homes burn down?" As children develop their notions of the Divine from whatever house of worship you attend, they tend, with their yet immature perspectives, to equate God with one of the characters in a Disney feature film with a magic wand, carpet or genii."Honey, God didn't burn down anybody's home; God created all the wonderful trees and flowers, and left it up to us to keep them trimmed, make our homes as fire-safe as possible, and not be careless with fire...as were those college students at the Tea Garden in California."An answer such as this places responsibilities on humans to take care of all their blessings, lest unfortunate, sad, and desperate things happen. "Dad," your child may have asked after Black Friday, "Why did those people crush the man in Wal-Mart? " "Sweetie," sometimes people get so focused on what they want or what they think they need - you know, they get greedy-that they don't even notice they are hurting other people's feelings or bodies." "Mommy, why are those terrorist people blowing other people up all over the world?" "My love, there are people who wish to believe that they and their way of living and believing about God is the only way.' When people are unable or unwilling to share the world with others' beliefs (as long as those beliefs do no harm to others), this is the sort of ugly thing that they do." "Mom, will they come here to get us too?" "Well, sweetie, it is possible and that is why we have so many police all over the world getting information and doing things to stop them.' Since 9/11, we've been saved by our government staying alert.' And God forbid, should something more happen here, we will have the courage to stand against it.I realize I sound like I'm politicizing some of these issues, and I don't really mean to.' I'm simply pointing out how I believe you, as parents, should handle the questions your children ask.' Don't hide from the questions; don't lie for the sake of a false sense of security.' Children need to know - age appropriately - the realities of life within the context of something they can hold on to to feel safe or at the very least, prepared.Some of the situations you'll have to contend with are far more personal.' For example, "Why is Mom/Dad leaving us?"' "Grandpa died when he was asleep.' Could I die when I go to sleep?"' "Cousin Andrea is having a baby and she's only 15 years old.' Can I have a baby, too?"' "Why did Uncle George kill himself?' What made him so sad?' I get sad too sometimes." In each situation, you must fill the vacuum of the child's lack of understanding with something that makes sense - or they will fill it with ideas that are far more destructive than the truth.' Always be reassuring that they are loved, will be taken care of, and that because something happens to someone they love, it doesn't mean it will happen to them.And always try to leave a moral message.' For instance, "As for Cousin Andrea, don't you think it is better for a baby to have a grown-up, married Mom and Dad like you have?"' This answer takes it from the "romantic" and brings it home. More >>

Tags: EducationFamilyFamily/Relationships - ChildrenFamily/Relationships - FamilyParentingRelationshipsRelatives
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05/13/2010
IconThis letter is from a listener who wishes to remain anonymous: Dr. Laura:I totally agree with you about how bad day care is, and how damaging it is for children.' Recently, I saw a mother who had just picked up her 18-month-old daughter from day care at 6 o'clock!' That's basically what time my kids go to bed!'' The baby was crying, grabbing at the mother's skirt, and refusing to let go.' The mother was getting annoyed, and kept saying, "Why are you acting like this?' What's wrong?" I felt so upset.' What a dumb question!' You neglected your baby for the entire day, she missed you, and is exhausted and stressed, and you're surprised that she's acting that way? I would think that a mother who has her child in day care the entire day would be the one crying and showering love and attention on her baby instead of getting mad at her.' The baby should be mad at the parent, not the other way around. And then, because parents don't see their baby all day, they put them to bed too late, which makes them more stressed and makes it even harder for them to cope with their emotions in day care.' When we, as parents, are tired, it's hard not to be fussy.' Well, imagine what it's like for a baby!' It's MUCH harder for them to handle being tired.' Parents need to do what's best for their children, not what's best for themselves, and if they don't want to, or if they think their children shouldn't stand in the way of their doing what they want, then don't have them! Why bring children into the world to give them to others to raise? Why bring children into the world if you are giving them the message that your job and your life are more important than them?' For those that say "Well, I'm just not the type to be home with my kids," or "I can't handle being with kids," then don't have them! I know of far too many babies that get attached to their nannies, and spend more time with them than with their own parents.' These babies wonder why their "parent" (that is, the nanny) is leaving them for the night.' Not only do they not have their real parents during most of the day, but then they don't have their "nanny parent" either. Sometimes, people say "I want my kids to have the best - the best car, the best house, the best toys."' Believe me, things are not what makes a baby happy.' Love and attention and kindness are what makes them happy. How sad. And then people wonder why children are so troubled, and why they "act out,"and why they would do anything for attention.' If a mother MUST work to feed her family, I understand, but the attitude shouldn't be that day care is the first choice .' The attitude needs to be "how sad that she cannot care for her baby." I think it's nuts that people think it's sad that my baby is home with me.' She is definitely happier than all the crying babies in the playground, but all the working mothers will' never know that their babies are crying, falling, or are just plain exhausted. More >>

Tags: DepressionFamily/Relationships - ChildrenMental HealthParentingStay-At-Home-MomsValues
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05/13/2010
IconIf I were any more disgusted with modern parenting my head would explode.' I just about screamed so loudly that they could hear me in Dallas, where the Dallas Morning News published a piece with the headline:' "Social Networking Sites Cater to Moms and Babies."' What?' What?' What?' Internet social networking for babies?' What the heck does that even mean?I'll tell you what it means: it's another self-centered, insensitive, lazy, neglectful way for most mothers to pretend they actually care about their children and are making the sacrifices and efforts to give kids what the kids NEED.Here's a great comment from the article: "The messages, of course, are from parents, usually moms, who say sites such as TotSpot provide them with TIME-SAVING ALTERNATIVES to PLAY DATES and FACE-TO-FACE RELATIONSHIPS..." [Note:' The capitalization is mine].So let me understand this...these so-called mothers spend time on the computer posting pictures and descriptions of their kids to virtual strangers (which we now call virtual "friends") and get texted back with the saying, "You've been tickled," and they assume that this in any way serves any need for any baby or toddler?Other equally ridiculous mothers (and all these women actually gave their real names...is there no shame?) are quoted as saying that they don't have time (what happened to MAKING time) for actual play dates...this way they can connect with moms and kids without leaving the house or the office.Since when were play-dates only about the moms?' I always thought play-dates were about introducing children - FACE TO FACE - to other children, adults, environments, pets, experiences, and so forth.' I didn't realize play-dates were just "jabber jabber" time for busy busy women who seem to wish to live in a virtual world rather than the concrete one their children will have to deal with eventually.' These are probably the kind of women who get crazed when their husbands choose to do the same with naked women on the internet.Aside from the oh so obvious problems with parents putting information about children on the internet (a pedophile's play land), it directs children (from the time they're infants and toddlers) toward a life on the computer instead of in the park, the back yard, the street, a friend's home, etc.Many of the parents spoke about being "proud" of their babies and wanted to show them off and have them - even before they can burp on their own - have their very own social web page.' This is so utterly pathetic.This is all about three things:1. FEELING, versus' BEING connected.2. FAKING being a parent who nurtures, protects, teaches, and loves by a web page''''3. SHOWING off your child and text-gossipingLet me go back to that one most damning statement in the Dallas Morning News piece: "The messages, of course, are from parents, usually moms, who say sites such as TotSpot provide them with time-saving alternatives to play dates and face-to-face relationships, while helping them connect with parents and children in nontraditional ways." We've come a long way, baby...we've become women...mothers...who are too busy to introduce our kids to life.' Great. More >>

Tags: ChildrenFamily/Relationships - ChildrenInternet-MediaInternet/MediaMotherhoodMotherhood-FatherhoodParentingSocial Networking
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