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Email of the Day: How We Restarted Our Sex Life

By Dr. Laura on February 13, 2024
Man and woman embrace in bed while laying down

When we became empty nesters after 22 years of marriage, I wanted my wife and I to have more sex. As the victim of sexual assault earlier in life, she confessed she had never truly enjoyed sex and always β€œfaked” it.


Instead of being upset at her for faking it with me, I decided to help change our marriage from sexual disfunction to blissful intimacy. We started by having once-a-week birthday suit cuddling sessions, holding each other for an hour or more. I noticed a slight change in my wife after several weeks. During one of these sessions, she broke down and started crying. She told me, β€œFor the first time in my life, I feel safe and un-obligated to have sex!”


My wife is so much more than (to use your phrase) β€œa warm place to put it.” I soon realized these sessions were changing me, too. I learned that intimacy, not the orgasm, is the most important part. We stopped having β€œregular” intercourse about six years ago, and my wife thrives with the change! We start with the cuddling and every other time, we swap off rocking each other’s world. We feel like newlyweds again. You constantly say, β€œChoose wisely, treat kindly.” If either one is missing, it isn’t going to work! I β€˜chose wisely,’ and the β€˜treating kindly’ proves it!




How We Restarted Our Sex Life


With Valentine's Day happening this week, I want to hear your stories about treating kindly. Click the button below or email your stories to me at drlaura@drlaura.com!


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