Email of the Day: I Mistakenly Thought The Feminists Were Right

When I was under thirty years old, and navigating young womanhood, learning the significance of sex, I was convinced I had fallen in love with a handsome young man. I made the terrible decision to have sex with him, believing this would bond us for life, that he’d never want anyone else but me, and we’d live happily ever after. Of course, that’s not what happened – as soon as he got what he was after, he lost all respect for me and was out the door. Looking back now I realize he was just looking for a “warm place to put it,” as you often say.

I was devastated and ashamed of myself, instinctively feeling that what I had done was wrong. But on my college campus, I was surrounded by messaging that said women should be able to enjoy sex like a man and not have an emotional investment in it. In my stupidity, I reasoned that my terrible choice wasn’t all that significant and I could bury my shame and laugh off my embarrassment. Sadly, I spent the next few years chasing more sexual flings, desperate to convince myself that sex wasn’t a big deal.

Unfortunately, women naturally feel the significance of sex, and when we make a mistake, we feel the weight of our actions in the form of shame. If we minimize that shame, we disrespect the sex even more, clinging to the hope that all these feminists are right and the shame is misplaced.

Now I’m in my mid-thirties and married to a great guy. We have two children who will be taught these hard-learned lessons so I can spare them the same spiral I experienced.

Kim

I Mistakenly Thought The Feminists Were Right