Several years ago, I called you because my teenage son had to be dragged kicking and screaming into adulthood. He wasn’t moving forward, getting a job or going to college, and I was beyond frazzled. I thought you’d advise tough love, like telling me to kick him out.
Instead, you suggested the exact opposite!
You told me I needed to be the person my son felt comfortable coming to, and I needed to build a good relationship with him rather than pressure him to grow up. If I wanted him to have anything to do with me once he was a grown adult, I needed to change the way I acted with him.
So, my husband and I pulled back on the pressure and focused on spending more time with him, making sure he knew he was loved and we were here to help, not to hurt. The change was amazing. He’s now 21, working full time, and most importantly, he’s happy. His entire mindset has changed. He still has rough days (he was diagnosed with clinical depression), but they’re few and far between.
I wondered why I was trying to force him into a mold that didn’t fit, and then I realized it was because that was what my family did to me. I’m 42, and my mother still judges my life choices. I’ve separated myself more from her and have found I’m happier than I’ve ever been.
Thank you for helping me open my eyes and realize what was truly important.
Randi
I Tried to Drag My Son Into Adulthood
