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Email of the Day: Living Together, But Not Loving Together

By Dr. Laura on February, 11 2021

I have been married to my husband for 15 years and have 4 children. We have historically had a good marriage. However over 3 years, I had 3 brain surgeries for a rare neurological disorder. Unfortunately, I did not see how lonely and terrified my husband had become. He was so compassionate to me and took care of me, but did not show his pain.


After my third surgery I started to get better, but I was still going to bed early every night. He began going out with some new friends who were big drinkers, and he got out of control. By the time I realized what was going on we were so disconnected -- we were not making love and were just living together, not loving together.


We decided we had to get back on track if not for anything else other than for the kids. Coming from a divorced family with a never-there daddy, he was desperate to not inflict that pain on his kids. I made some big changes, as did he. We worked daily on becoming friends and lovers again. However, I felt we were still missing something. That’s when I read your book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands".


Wow! What a difference those tiny little changes on my part made. He soaks up my love and affection and sweetness. He now soars with it and barely goes out anymore. He would rather be with me than his drinking buddies and is so affectionate to me. To put it plainly, he treats me like a goddess. We are more in love and more connected than we have ever been! Thank you for reminding me that husbands need to be loved and admired for the amazing strong, supportive and extremely generous men they are. You have helped us put our marriage back together. By the way, I have recommended your book to many of my friends and family members! I think it is gold!



Living Together, But Not Loving Together





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