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P.C.F.H. / Marriage 101

Email of the Day: Our Marriage Was Stuck In A Rut

By Dr. Laura on September 13, 2023
Woman runs in a human-sized hamster wheel while man sits on top of it

After seven years of marriage and no children, I realized I only had sex with my husband twice in the previous year!

I discovered a secret email account my husband had which included profiles on dating sites. The profiles had no identifying information and no pictures of him, but contained lots of photos of various women in bathing suits. I found no evidence of any messages with any of the women and realized it was just visual stimulation for him. I let him know he wouldn’t be getting back in those accounts. I didn’t nag him or start an argument. I only told him I didn’t want to ever feel like I had been gut-punched again.


Then I thought about what I wanted from our marriage. Something told me to purchase β€œThe Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.” What an eye-opener! I saw my own thinking, justifying and rationalizing all the reasons I was withholding sex debunked and explained. The chapter on sex specifically spoke to me, making me realize that is what my husband needed to be close to me.

I wrote him a note saying that I was going to start being his girlfriend again and not just his β€œstuck-in-a-rut” wife. Then I made him his favorite dinner. The sex is back and we’re headed in the right direction again. 




Our Marriage Was Stuck In A Rut


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