I hear you often stop callers from diagnosing people in their lives, and I wanted to underscore that message. For a decade, my husband and I had trouble in our marriage that escalated. No matter our efforts, things kept getting worse, and our marriage was circling the drain.
The specific efforts to address the problems weren’t as important as what I did as my husband’s wife. First, I revisited the idea of having chosen wisely. I had no idea what was happening now, but I believed in him to the core. Second, I refused to buy into the latest “diagnosis du jour.” I could have found all kinds of “evidence” that a particular label fit, but I know I’m not a therapist, and I continued to turn toward him to work to untangle what was happening in our home.
He ultimately received a proper diagnosis that we never saw coming, but that helped us make sense of what had been going on for ten years. He got the correct medication and specialized therapy he needed, and we continued rebuilding together. While what we went through felt impossibly difficult and tested every part of our marriage, there wasn’t a single day when I did not think my husband was worth fighting for. We just celebrated 27 years of marriage and there is no one on the planet I would rather have committed myself to than him.
Thankfully I Didn't Play Armchair Therapist