Pretty early in our 43-year-marriage, we had two rules for keeping our marriage together. The first rule was “If you don’t like the way I am doing it, then do it yourself.” That came about when a newly married friend of ours washed her husband’s car as a surprise for him. He berated her in front of us for not doing a better job. So began our first rule, which we used many times in the first years of our marriage.
The second one is more about the way we live. We try to notice every bit of effort and thank each other. I grew up never hearing “thank you,” and it means everything to me that my husband notices even the little things. I do the same for him, even when I don’t feel like it.
The third rule is a new one, and has become important as we age. We call it our “no regrets” policy. It’s all about how we relate to others. It reminds us to go the extra mile before we say goodbye or to remember to say “I love you,” or “this is what you mean to me.” It could be a letter, a trip, flowers or a conversation. That way we can go on, knowing that if it’s the last time we see each other or family or friends, we said anything that needed to be said or done what needed to be done and we would have no regrets.
Even after 43 years, my husband and I continue to work on our relationship. We’ve been through great times and bad times, but I never expected to laugh so much throughout my life. I am grateful for the life we have built together.
Toby Ann
Three Rules That Have Made Our Marriage Last
