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P.C.F.H. / Marriage 101

Email of the Day: We Were Headed Toward Divorce

By Dr. Laura on May 2, 2023
Man in black jacket and woman in black shirt sit next to each other on a parked motorcycle, holding hands

I heard you with a caller on the brink of divorce, because she didn’t like to do things with her husband because she was an introvert. You told her she HAD to, even if it was hard. It was critical for her husband to be invested and critical for her marriage. She had to choose to go or she was choosing to get divorced.



While hearing that call, I reflected on my own marriage. My husband and I have very different taste in what we like to do and how we spend our time. We used to share motorcycle riding together. I have my own. However, in the last few years, I’ve gotten fearful, and have stopped riding completely.


I wouldn’t ride with HIM either for the same reason. As a result, the only thing we had in common was lost. Soon, our weekends turned into just doing errands and having lunch. In the past year, I’ve seen him slowly exiting the marriage mentally, and I’ve tried to figure out what role I’ve played in that. After that call, I told my husband that the following weekend I thought we should ride together on his bike and go to lunch.


That evening, he was a different person. That weekend he was a very different person. This morning, I’m not sure I even know who he is anymore! He’s loving, kind, considerate, interested and happy. He told me how much he appreciated my inviting him to do this. And he said how much he enjoyed our ride. I had pushed through my fear during the ride and made it through. And I promised we would go again. The payoff for me was MORE than worth the price of the fear I had to negotiate. His attitude reminds me of the man I dated. And it was so simple. I fully believe my choice kept us from ultimately (and most likely) breaking up.  



We Were Headed Toward Divorce


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