Snoring! Dear Dr. Laura, In response to the caller who wanted to move out of the bedroom due to her husband's snoring; I had the same problem. My husband snored extremely loudly and I couldn't get any sleep. He finally DID go to an ENT specialist and it was determined that he had severe sleep apnea and enlarged tonsils. Shortly after that time, he had a successful tonsillectomy and amazingly, the snoring has improved by about 95%. We are both now sleeping peacefully...together! Nancy Las Vegas More >>

Trying To Choose Between An Orgasm And A Cup Of Tea? Dear Dr. Laura, I have no idea why I'm choosing today to write you about this topic, but it's been on my mind for some time now. I guess it's just that it's almost Valentine's Day, and I'm hoping to improve someone's life with this advice. I married nine years ago, at age 21, and was excited to finally be sharing a bed with the love of my life. What I couldn't understand was why sex was such a low priority for me#150; my husband had certainly pushed my buttons before we got married! Luckily I married a wonderful and very patient man who probably took "no" for an answer more often than he should have. We just chalked it up to being married #150; if you can have ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, then you probably wouldn't be so obsessed with ice cream anymore, right? But when I went for my yearly exam, I did mention the problem to my gynecologist. He was able to tell me that I didn't have any physical problems that would cause a lack of sex drive. He suggested that we take things more slowly and use more lubricant#150; basically just relax more. But all the relaxation in the world couldn't make me interested in sex! On more than one occasion I have heard you talk with a caller who is uninterested in sex. You have told them that if there is no indication of a physical problem, then just think of it as a good opportunity for having an orgasm #150; no one would pass up an orgasm, right? Wrong! As my girlfriend (who just confessed to me that she was having the name problem) so aptly put it, "If I had to choose between an orgasm and a cup of tea, I probably would have gone for the tea every time." In my case, it would take me about an hour to have an orgasm (my husband used to joke that he could time it!) and sometimes #150; even after an hour #150; it didn't happen at all. I'm not saying that we never had sex or that I never had an orgasm, just that sex was usually an act of giving toward my husband and that the orgasms were rarely worth the effort or time it took to achieve them. Luckily for me my doctor took a sabbatical, and I was forced to find a new doctor. One of the questions I asked at my first appointment was about my lack of libido. At this point I was about 25 and I wasn't really expecting a solution from her. Her first question was what kind of birth control was I using. As it turned out, I was on a pill with every high estrogen dosage. This type of pill is frequently the first one that doctors prescribe, because it is inexpensive and it works for most women. But low libido is apparently a major side effect of a high estrogen pill. My new doctor gave me a prescription for a low estrogen dosage pill and within a month I way feeling things that I hadn't felt in years! I know that this letter in long and probably not suitable to be read on the air, but please, Dr. Laura, inform your listeners about this issue the next time someone calls to say that they love their husband, but just can't get interested in sex. It's so common for us#151; and even doctors #150; to assume that it's simply work, children, or just the everyday hum-drum of married life that causes this lack of interest. While that may be the case for some women, for others of us the answer is simply in a little prescription change. I firmly believe that if it hadn't been for this wonderful doctor, I would still be picking a cup of tea over sex with my husband any day. Trust me when I say that this is no longer the case! While I am sorry that I, and especially my husband, missed out on so much the excitement of being newly married, I am glad that the last five years have been so much better than the first four. I hope that the information in this letter might help rekindle the passion in the lives of at least one of the couples listening to you. No one should have to go through this sort of struggle for four years, and I'm sure that some have struggled even longer. If my husband were not such a wonderful, considerate man, I imagine that this situation would have seriously strained our marriage. Thank you, Dr. Laura, for all of the advice you give to keep our marriages and childrearing philosophies in the proper perspective. I'm my little boy's stay at home mom, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. Of course, with a one-year-old and one on the way, our sex life is suffering again, but at least this time it is for a good (end temporary) reason! Sincerely, A listener More >>

Need For Anonymous Family Health History Dr. Laura, Yesterday you had a caller who had been adopted and was trying to ask you a question about her family history. I would like to respectfully disagree with you on your position that no one needs to know their family history because we have all kinds of scans and. tests. First, while it is true that we have a test for almost everything, one cannot run every test known to man blindly as the cost in time, money, and resources is too high. History is the key to diagnosis and that includes family history. In fact the single biggest contributor to the risk of early death from cardiovascular disease is family history. Knowing such a history of cardiovascular disease (or ovarian cancer, or breast cancer) has distinct therapeutic implications. For example, a woman could take cholesterol lowering drugs, aspirin, and have a good exercise regimen if there is a history of heart attack. In the case of ovarian cancer she can have a prophylactic oophorectomy or with breast cancer, a mastectomy after early childbearing. But more to the point, there are a few inherited diseases where family history would affect reproductive decisions. Huntington's Chorea comes to mind where testing is not usually done but knowing family history would alert obstetricians to the risk. Or perhaps a woman would not want to have children at all. Tay-Sachs is another such disease. Your caller mentioned that her biofather had Multiple Sclerosis. This is also one of those uncommon inheritable diseases that requires prenatal counseling with special testing and attention. While I strongly agree with your stand that children should not seek out or be able to find those who placed them in anonymous adoptions, I would not be so quick to dismiss someone's desire to find out their family history, especially where inheritable diseases are concerned. But there needs to be an anonymous way to obtain such history. Thanks for all you do for our country and its people. Lee B., M.D. (Retired) More >>

The Weight Is Going And The Black Cloud Is Gone Dear Dr. Laura, I just heard you read a letter from the lady who had lost 50 pounds after making the decision to. I have been overweight for four years, ever since leaving an abusive relationship. The dark cloud that I let settle over my heart translated to 60 pounds settling on my hips, butt, belly and face. I couldn't shake it. Then, right after the first of the year, I saw some photos taken at a holiday party. I was shocked to see the "real me." I remember dressing for the party, choosing all black because of the "slimming" effect. I looked like a beached whale in a black poncho, sipping champagne. All the moments I had heard you and others talk about making healthy choices flooded over me. Along with those were the moments from friends and family about my ballooning weight: my niece's comment on my "big butt; a friend's comment on how I "had grown," the side-long glances from my parents. I flashed back to last summer when I had taken my son to the beach and waddled into the waves in my shorts and t-shirt. Ugh. I had become a fat mom. Sadly, even that wasn't enough to make me lose the weight. But the photos didn't lie. The woman in those pictures wasn't me. I couldn't stand that she was parading around in my life, raising my son, smiling at my friends with her double chin and stretch pants. I put the photos in my wallet as a reminder. Now, whenever I get the urge to go through a drive-thru or raid the pantry, I pull them out and face them. She is not me, I remind myself, and she is going away. Since the first of the year, I've lost over 20 pounds. I've cut out the crap and started exercising every day. I eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full. No more excuses. Last night, after dinner, I took a walk in the drizzling cold, intent on getting 2.5 miles in before it got too late. I'm fitting back into the clothes that I haven't seen in years and my cheek bones are making a welcome appearance. I'm running around the back yard with my son, kicking the soccer ball, and don't need the help of the coffee table to get up after playing a game of Candy Land with him. It's a decision to be fat just like it's a decision to be thin. I'm glad something finally clicked for me and I'm looking forward to going back to the beach this summer in an actual bathing suit. As a by-product to the weight loss, I've found a new confidence in myself and have begun writing a novel. The black cloud is gone. Your loyal fan of 13 years, Courtney More >>

Turned Off By Fat Dear Dr. Laura Today I heard you tell a gentleman it is OK that his wife is turned off by his fat.That was music to my ears. For nearly 30 years I have had an ongoing battle with my husband about his weight. He tops out at 400 pounds now, and is currently in a nutrition program which we attend together. We are learning a lot more about food than we ever knew existed. But the reason I am writing is because while I am proud of my husband's efforts to loose weight, (he lost 30 pounds in 2 weeks) I fear it is too late for me to everregain the feelings I once had for him. He is a man who has spent the majority of hisadult life in denial about everything from our children to his health and any and all unpleasant things in between. For too many years now I have watched him balloon into a person I scarcely recognize. At one time he was a Marine and a private pilot, and was quite fit; however, this was before we met. By the time I came into his life he was in his mid thirties and was already on the fast track to obesity. Around the age of 40 he had his first heart attack and was advised to loose at least 50 pounds. He his now in his mid 60's and is looking to loose 270 pounds. As if the weight alone has not been a big enough problem there are the side effects that go along with the weight like body odor that can't be washed away, cars he can no longer drive, airplanes he can no longer fly because he can't get into the cockpit, walks we can't take because he can't breath beyond 3 or 4 steps, travels left to healthier people, dinners out that are embarrassing and uncomfortable because he must have a special chair from the back room that doesn't have arms, clothes that must be mail ordered because even the big tall shops don't carry his size, being unable to stay inthe hospital because the equipment can't accommodate his girth. Of all these, the loss of sexual attraction has been the hardest to deal with. I dread him coming to bed at night because I can't stand his smell, I can't stand his touch, I can't sleep because I am physically uncomfortable and spend the night putting up imaginary barriers between us so I don't have to acknowledge his existence. I feel so guilty about my thoughts and actions toward him, and yet I can't seem to stop myself. My husband is physically deformed by his fat and is very close to being an invalid. He does not fit the toilet which causes problems too disgusting to even tell you about. And by the way, he is too big to clean up the mess, so I get to do that too. I have become a person I really dislike, not just because I am bitter, but also because I have stayed in this situation. The reason I stayed is simply because I thought it was the right thing to do. We are both miserable, but I'm sure he has no idea how I really feel about him. More >>

A Responsibility To Take Care Of Our Bodies Re: Telephone call from overweight husband Hi Dr. Laura I listened to your radio program and heard the call from the overweight husband who had read his wife's diary. He said he has gained 25 pounds in 2 years of marriage and that his wife wrote in her diary that she was disgusted and turned off by his weight. The husband tried to blame his weight on medical issues and wanted to know if he should confront his wife about her diary. I held my breath on your response. You see, my husband and I have been married for over 22 years and he has gained over 100 pounds since we were married. You are right, there is nothing attractive about fat, and I am left constantly feeling guilty about my lack of sexual feelings towards him. You told the caller that he needs to lose the weight and take control of is actions. I loved your example about you eating the salad while the others ate cheeseburgers. So true! I know my husband feels that I don't "desire" him, but there is nothing desirable about fat. I worry about his health, and worry more that his body will fall apart and I will be stuck taking care of him. I go to the gym and watch what I eat because I want to live a long, active life. Please don't get me wrong. I love my husband; but do not think it is fair that I will be taking care of him because he chose not to take care of himself. Thanks, again, for not letting this caller make excuses for his weight and for the reminder that we all have an obligation to take care of our bodies. Sincerely, Susan More >>

The Courage To Tell Dear Dr. Laura, On Tuesday, I listened to your caller that was concerned about how to tell a Mother that her 16 old son was doing pot. I was the Mother on the receiving end of similar information about my daughter, but she was doing other destructive things also. I am so grateful for my daughter's friend that had the courage to come to my husband with her mother and explain the information that my daughter had shared with her about certain activities she engaged in. Fortunately her friend came to us in the early stages of our daughter's bad behavior so we were able to get a handle on it before she was so far gone. We did not tell our daughter who told and when she made the right guess about who told we did not confirm or deny. She was very furious that someone had told on her and was very vocal about her anger toward this friend that she suspected. Now a year and a half later our daughter is also very grateful that her friend told. We were able to help our daughter get away from a very controlling and destructive boyfriend who was introducing her to many bad things. It has not been easy, there have been many tears on all our parts, many scary episodes with this boy, and a great deal of stress. This boy had a great deal of control over our daughter and she, at first, did not let go willingly, and then when she did let go he was not about to let her go. Our daughter recently told us how good it feels to be free from him and the life style she was heading toward. She told us how good it feels to earn our trust again and how glad she is that her friend, who she considers a best friend, told the truth. I feel like this girl helped us save our daughter's life and I would not hesitate to tell or encourage my child to tell the truth that might help another child. Thank You Ann More >>

A Special Needs Trust Dear Dr. Laura, I was just listening to your first caller about her daughter having a disability and not leaving her in the will. Please inform your listeners that there is such a thing called a Special Needs Trust that you can set up for your child with a disability. This helps with costs without disqualifying the person with the disability from government programs. She would have to find a lawyer that knows the ins and outs but it is what I and my husband are doing for our child that has Down Syndrome. Government programs such as Medicaid and Medicare are necessary for our children because medical insurance is so high for those who have a disability but I don't want my son to miss out on a good financial life just because he is disabled. Karen Aubrey,TX More >>

Embrace The Future That Will Be, No Matter What It Is Dear Dr. Laura, I was listening today and noted the call from the young woman from a large family whose two kids were recently diagnosed with Autism. She and her husband were enraged that her sister brothers continued to "crow" about their kids with no apparent sensitivity to them. Your answer to dig deeper and to find the successes in her kids was spot on. I know because I have been there. I have a seven year old child with autism who was diagnosed when he was two. We also went through the 40 hrs a week intensive (and expensive!) therapy, plus diet changes andother interventions. There were times when we knew we couldn't cope any more, but we did. When all of the other babies excelled and ours regressed we knew we couldn't go on, but we did. We had no more money yet stuck to our principles of a two parent, single income family and weighed our needs vs. our wants and made it. It wasn't easy, and the whole time a shadow of grief and depression enveloped us. A turning point came when I was watching a TV show about a boy that was crippled by a car accident and the Mother was even more crippled emotionally. She turned to a priest for some help. He told her she was in mourning. She responded that no her son didn't die. He said "you don't understand, you are grieving the future that will never be." That statement brought my wife and I to our knees. We cried (and I don't cry) for hours. We decided then and there to celebrate and embrace the future that WILL be, no matter what it is. It took time to filter the noise of the rest of the world to focus on the gifts of our child and our life, but they were there. Once we found those gifts we embraced them and cherished them and maybe even bragged about than. We have our ups downs, like all parents, but through it all we realize that our child does an excellent job of being who he is, a slightly different little boy who loves his mommy daddy very much. And THAT is what really matters. Curt Portland Oregon Listener for over a decade More >>

Carrying Twins Dr. Laura, My daughter is an identical twin, her sister did not make it and they were six weeks early. She is now 13 years old. She has always known that she was a twin. She knows she has an angel looking over her. She thinks it is great that she was a twin. We also have an 8 yr old son and had no trouble with this pregnancy. Every multiple birth is considered high risk. Your earlier caller might not want other children or have medical concerns. She might need to look into it. I just thought I might give you some insight into my pregnancy. Thank you for your great work. Alice P.S. My sister is a U.S. Marine in Iraq (name withheld from website) More >>