Struggling With Rage Toward My Husband Dear Dr. Laura: Thank you so much for taking time to speak with the woman who called in about "raging" on her husband. I personally have struggled with this, now more minimally than when we were first married, our whole marriage (15 years this year). My husband is the most wonderful person I have ever known and my best friend. The guilt I built up over my reactions to him was tremendous. It destroyed us financially because he was being verbally harassed at work and I was verbally harassing him at home because his boss was taking tremendous advantage of him. I only accelerated the problem instead of working with him to figure out logical ways to get out of the situation. The result was that his boss used him up and took everything we had because he put so much guilt on my husband that we lost everything. If the spouse can't be supportive it can cause horrible stress on the husband when they are trying in support the family. I just began a course called life skills which is teaching me so much about the abuse I have undergone in my own home as a child and the very improper behavior patterns I learned from my parents, especially my father. I have learned that I am 100 percent responsible for my actions and until a person learns this, they cannot change their reactions to others. I no longer make excuses for my behavior I just don't act the same because it is not warranted. I would encourage anyone who is learning they have some improper behavior patterns which are costing them jobs (I have had 7 jobs in 15 years all of which I have allowed my bosses to take advantage of me until I can't do everything I offered to do and then I either quit or get fired) and relationships with friends and family to take the Life Skills class. I feel so much more power over my life with the knowledge they haveprovided me. Thank God for Life Skills, Sincerely, Cynthia More >>

He Loved Me So Tenderly And Completely Dr. Laura, When I get the chance I listen to your radio program at lunch time in my car as I grab a bite .to eat. Such was the occasion recently. I was listening to the calls coming in about the romantic-scenes described by your callers (from the Valentine's Day Show). All had wonderful happy memories of their spouse sharing their tender, loving sentiments. Flowers, candlelight, music. I would like to share with you my most recent Valentine experience. On February. 6 we lost our 24 year old son, Jeff, in a tragic car accident. Thankfully he was, the only one involved. On February 9, we buried him with many of his and our friends and family surrounding us and loving us. We miss him greatly. The rest of the week was a blur. On Valentine's Day, my husband turned to me with a quirky little smile and said "Would you like some flowers?" knowing full well that our home was overflowing with plants and flowers showered upon us by our friends. Neither one of us had had time to buy flowers or even cards. I smiled and said "No. hon. you have already given me your love this past week. I need no more flowers." You see, Dr. Laura, my husband held me as I cried, as we cried, for our son. His shoulder became my place of comfort. His tears reassured me he had loved our son as much as I. When I woke up during the night crying and tried to sneak out of bed so as not to wake him with my sobs, he very softly said, "Where are you going?" I tried to tell him I was leaving the room so I wouldn't wake him. My sobs made it almost impossible. He sat up in bed and held me. We spent the next 3 hours in bed taking turns talking and crying. We finally fell back to sleep holding hands. That, Dr. Laura, is my tender, loving moment. I will always cherish that moment, not because of our son but because my husband, Frank, loved me so tenderly and completely. He gave all his emotions to share with me and accepted me just as broken as I was. He listened, cried and was the man I love. That's a gift. Truly. I have been married to this man for over 33 years and I can honestly tell you I loved him more that- night than any-other night of our life together. Sincerely, P. More >>

BEHAVE And The Feelings Will Follow Dear Dr. Laura, To your caller who said she wanted to "fall in love" with her husband again, the advice you gave her to BEHAVE as if she's in love and the feelings will follow was right on. A few years ago when my husband and I were struggling in our marriage; we went through counseling, and our therapist instructed us to hug each other good morning and good night every day. I told her I didn't want to do that because I didn't have feelings for my husband any longer. She told me to do exactly what you told your caller. Well, that was about 3 years ago... and it definitely worked! It didn't happen overnight, but eventually I DID fall in love with him again. We resolved our problems and will celebrate our 18th anniversary on Monday. Great advice, Dr. Laura! Nancy More >>

I Will Truly Love Her With All My Heart Through All Eternity Dear Dr. Laura, I listened to your Valentine's Day show, and wept at each of the romantic stories. You see, I was not with my sweetheart of 15 years on Valentine's Day. I was out of town taking care of my father who was undergoing his seventh round of chemotherapy, a three-day event. I am an only child and the sole caregiver of both my parents, and because of that, I have been through a lot this past year. First, I had to deal with the illness and eventual death of my mother, followed shortly thereafter with my father being diagnosed with stage IV lymphoma, In addition to the traumatic events, I work extremely long days and volunteer countless hours at my son's school, all to allow my precious wife the opportunity to be a full-time mother - the job of her life. Driving home on Valentine's day, and listening to the stories on your program, I realized just how much my wife means to me, and just how hard the past year has been on HER as well. While I am the one who gets all the credit for being such a "Good son," SHE is the one who has held the fort down and actually allowed me unfettered time to care for my parents. She never once complained about my physical or emotional absence this past year, not even on Valentine's Day. She is my rock and my strength, and I could not have gotten through this without her. She is everything to me. Our 15th anniversary is next week, and even though our schedules are very busy, I have set aside our anniversary day to dedicate to the love of my life. I have pulled out all the stops to make her feel like the queen she is to me. We are driving into the city and checking into the Ritz Carlton. Waiting for us will be chilled champagne - the exact same kind we toasted with at our wedding, WITH the actual glasses we used 15 years ago. She will then be whisked down for 5 different spa treatments in their world-class spa. We then have reservations at the city's finest restaurant. In the morning, breakfast in bed, followed by a long bubble bath complete with candles, soft music, and a brand new book. Then, after a few hours of antique shopping, something she has dreamed of doing her entire life - afternoon tea at the Ritz. When she is seated, she will be greeted by 2 items already placed on the table: The first is a poem I wrote thanking her for the past 15 years, specifically mentioning a significant event that happened in each of those years that I am especially grateful for. And second, under the poem, bling-bling - a beautiful diamond eternity anniversary ring, because I will truly love her with all of my heart through all eternity. I have never done anything like this before, and I hope she will be surprised, but more importantly, feel like a queen for a day. She will immediately note that none of the things that I have planned are things that I enjoy in the least, but are done completely out of my love FOR her, and my eternal gratitude TO her. I am so looking forward to my date with my queen! Mark More >>

I Was Not Nice Until... Dear Dr. Laura, I have wanted to write and thank you for a long time. Me and my husband have been married 23 years, and for a majority of them I was not nice. I treated him terrible. I read your book about a year and could not believe how true it was. I applied everything you stated in that book (Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands). Things have been wonderful between us. I have two children (well adults now) 19 and 20. I wrote both of them letters with an apology on how I treated their father. I let them know what a wonderful husband and father he is and was. That I was totally wrong. I just wish I had this book 23 years ago. I believe every woman should read it and apply it to their marriage. I also believe it should be part of pre-marital counseling. Thank you again with all my heart. Debbie More >>

There Is Nothing That You Can Do That Will Be Right Dr. Laura, Thank you. About 5 years ago, you were speaking with a man who married a woman that already had a kid. He was so frustrated because everything he tried to do concerning the child was deemed as wrong by the mother and her family. You told him "There is nothing you can do that will be right". Those words changed my life. I'm married to a wonderful lady that I love but it seems that everything I said or did concerning my stepson was wrong. I often had to not do what I knew was right or good for the child because they thought my motives were wrong. When he (my teen stepson.) wanted to go out for football, I told him that we would pay for it if he ran and got in shape during the summer. He did not and my wife wanted to pay for it anyway. We did and he was on the team but put forth no effort and the coach knew it. He never got in the game. There are many similar examples I could give you. He was kicked out of high school (we sacrificed much to put him in private school) because he continually came in late. I know he had problems but I also knew that sooner or later he would have to start taking responsibility for his decision and what kind of life he wanted. He went in the service and was also kicked out. He moved back home and laid around and I kicked him out. After much prayer and convincing my wife to let him learn from consequences because he would not listen to us, he is now doing better. He is holding down a job and living in an apartment. He has a way to go but he has made a lot of improvement. Now for the best news! Last week, my stepson went for a job interview for a good paying job with a good company. He arrived late. My wife told me, "I hope he does not get the job and the company tells him he did not because he was late. He needs to learn a lesson". Wow!! I never thought I would hear it. Your words 5 years ago helped me hang on. Now my wife no longer makes excuses for him. It's wonderful! I believe now he will become a fine person and have a great future. This letter is a feeble attempt to explain how much you helped me. Thank you T. More >>

"Reach A Little Deeper" Dr. Laura - I just came out of a meeting this afternoon and heard the lady that wanted to cut her husband loose from her wonderful and long marriage because she will die soon? - you should have heard me yelling at her over my car radio. "Noooo, you don't get it!" The people in cars nearby had curious looks on their faces! I cared for my wonderful Marie and her brain attack (stroke) for her last 6 years as her only Care-Giver and Advocate until she finally died this past October from other physical complications. Marie told me from time to time how much she appreciated my close attention to her personal needs and fighting the complicated medial support systems for the therapy and treatment she needed. We dearly loved each other for over 31 years, So much so, that I just couldn't seem to do enough for her. I would have instantly crumbled had Marie "cut me loose" as your caller suggested doing with her husband. I totally understand her motive, but to deny a loving husband the satisfaction of providing the love that only a husband can provide is to say to the spouse that he is incompetent and really un-necessary. The rejection he would experience would most likely be devastating. Many men take our vows just as serious as the women do: ''...in sickness and in health." We take the bad with the good as it should be. My love for Marie only got deeper and wider as I cared for her over her final years. When she died in my arms at the nursing home, and I gave her a final kiss on her cool forehead to say a final "I love you and see you in heaven", I wondered just what I would do, as I drove down the freeway to go home for the last time. I now longer had a loved one to take care of now and to love. What do I do now? To have the satisfaction of doing all I humanly could do for the love of my life right down to the find moment of her life was a great deal of satisfaction knowing I totally full-filled my marriage vow and promise. To believe she is waiting for me in heaven hopefully feeling a tremendous sense of satisfaction in knowing she had a spouse that was 100% faithful and dedicated to her to the very end of her life cannot be over-stated. More >>

Doing The Right Thing For My Future Family Dear Dr. Laura Schlessinger, I wanted to take this time in thanking you for your benevolent services in aiding families towards healthy bonds. I have been an avid listener for the last three years. I had been married to a man for several years that carried many vices. It became apparent to me that I would never change his poor decisions on being destructive to himself and in turn to us and a future family. I knew what I had to do after the last selfish act of soliciting himself as a single man on the internet was discovered. I am cognizant of the pain I will feel from this loss however it does not compare to the pain I would have endured if I created a family with this individual. You have imprinted your message into my conscience of choosing a husband wisely. The man you marry and choose to have children with is part of the blueprint to your family's future and happiness. I am optimistic towards my second chance in choosing a man for marriage. I realize the complexities and challenges of a marriage. It is not as simple as it use to be in previous generations considering all the options and distractions an individual faces these days. However, armed with the knowledge from this first marriage and keeping your words of wisdom at the forefront, my future looks promising. Doing the right thing for my future family, Celeste More >>

When Purchasing Sex Toys Dear Dr. Laura, My daughter-in-law in Los Angeles was listening to your program today and heard you advise a caller to purchase "sex toys" from a website or a private store as opposed to a home party. My husband and I created a website for that very purpose. Our website, www.nuptialnights.com is for married couples. We believe God designed married couples to have fun together#151;after all He is the author and creator of our sexuality. He intended us to have loads of fun within the covenant relationship between one woman and one man united in a legal monogamous marriage. We are actively involved in Christian marriage ministry and realized couples often wanted to purchase products but did not want to view offensive material or support retail establishments displaying or selling pornographic items. We have taken great care to insure the packaging on the products we sell do not display nudity, nor do we offer products that look like body parts. We do offer a variety of enhancement products, tubes and games. We invite you to visit our website and of course would appreciate you telling your listeners about us. We also want to thank you for your commitment to marriages, Dr. Laura. We agree with your unwavering stance on marriage and support your position on this subject. Sincerely, Stefini More >>

Trying To Choose Between An Orgasm And A Cup Of Tea? Dear Dr. Laura, I have no idea why I'm choosing today to write you about this topic, but it's been on my mind for some time now. I guess it's just that it's almost Valentine's Day, and I'm hoping to improve someone's life with this advice. I married nine years ago, at age 21, and was excited to finally be sharing a bed with the love of my life. What I couldn't understand was why sex was such a low priority for me#150; my husband had certainly pushed my buttons before we got married! Luckily I married a wonderful and very patient man who probably took "no" for an answer more often than he should have. We just chalked it up to being married #150; if you can have ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, then you probably wouldn't be so obsessed with ice cream anymore, right? But when I went for my yearly exam, I did mention the problem to my gynecologist. He was able to tell me that I didn't have any physical problems that would cause a lack of sex drive. He suggested that we take things more slowly and use more lubricant#150; basically just relax more. But all the relaxation in the world couldn't make me interested in sex! On more than one occasion I have heard you talk with a caller who is uninterested in sex. You have told them that if there is no indication of a physical problem, then just think of it as a good opportunity for having an orgasm #150; no one would pass up an orgasm, right? Wrong! As my girlfriend (who just confessed to me that she was having the name problem) so aptly put it, "If I had to choose between an orgasm and a cup of tea, I probably would have gone for the tea every time." In my case, it would take me about an hour to have an orgasm (my husband used to joke that he could time it!) and sometimes #150; even after an hour #150; it didn't happen at all. I'm not saying that we never had sex or that I never had an orgasm, just that sex was usually an act of giving toward my husband and that the orgasms were rarely worth the effort or time it took to achieve them. Luckily for me my doctor took a sabbatical, and I was forced to find a new doctor. One of the questions I asked at my first appointment was about my lack of libido. At this point I was about 25 and I wasn't really expecting a solution from her. Her first question was what kind of birth control was I using. As it turned out, I was on a pill with every high estrogen dosage. This type of pill is frequently the first one that doctors prescribe, because it is inexpensive and it works for most women. But low libido is apparently a major side effect of a high estrogen pill. My new doctor gave me a prescription for a low estrogen dosage pill and within a month I way feeling things that I hadn't felt in years! I know that this letter in long and probably not suitable to be read on the air, but please, Dr. Laura, inform your listeners about this issue the next time someone calls to say that they love their husband, but just can't get interested in sex. It's so common for us#151; and even doctors #150; to assume that it's simply work, children, or just the everyday hum-drum of married life that causes this lack of interest. While that may be the case for some women, for others of us the answer is simply in a little prescription change. I firmly believe that if it hadn't been for this wonderful doctor, I would still be picking a cup of tea over sex with my husband any day. Trust me when I say that this is no longer the case! While I am sorry that I, and especially my husband, missed out on so much the excitement of being newly married, I am glad that the last five years have been so much better than the first four. I hope that the information in this letter might help rekindle the passion in the lives of at least one of the couples listening to you. No one should have to go through this sort of struggle for four years, and I'm sure that some have struggled even longer. If my husband were not such a wonderful, considerate man, I imagine that this situation would have seriously strained our marriage. Thank you, Dr. Laura, for all of the advice you give to keep our marriages and childrearing philosophies in the proper perspective. I'm my little boy's stay at home mom, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. Of course, with a one-year-old and one on the way, our sex life is suffering again, but at least this time it is for a good (end temporary) reason! Sincerely, A listener More >>