How to Discourage Materialism By Dr. Michele Borba www.behaviormakeovers.com . What to expect in the early grade-school years During the early grade-school years, children grow more interested in the material world than they were back in kindergarten. Of course, at any age, kids vary widely in their acquisitiveness depending on how strongly materialism is emphasized at home, whether through exposure to TV or by older siblings or parents themselves. But, in general, many 6- to 8-year-olds are motivated by a combination of a young child's basic greed for fun toys, an increasing awareness of what other kids have, and the desire to fit in by having the same things themselves. After birthdays and holidays, the question shifts from "What did you do?" to "What did you get?" And a more sensitive child may start struggling with feelings of shame if his friends tease him because he's the only one in class wearing anonymous discount-store sneakers. Here are some ways to discourage materialism. What You Can Do: Set a good example. At this age, kids still look up to their parents more than to their peers, so you're the best role model for helping your child cope with our complicated material world. If you want to discourage him from developing an insatiable appetite for possessions, let him see you behaving with restraint and wisdom. Take him along to the shoe-repair shop, and explain why it's worth re-heeling your favorite shoes instead of buying new ones (you save money, and besides, your old shoes are so comfy). Don't let mail-order catalogues take up all your reading time, and comment that while you like his aunt's new SUV, your 6-year-old station wagon still runs just fine. Enjoy window-shopping together without buying anything to show that while it's fun to look at store displays and gather ideas for gifts and other purchases, you don't need to buy something every time you go to a store. But save the lecture: A few off-hand comments explaining your views will get the message across. Turn off the TV. From cereal boxes to Saturday morning cartoons to clothing emblazoned with store names and Disney characters, advertising is everywhere in our culture. But television probably wields the greatest influence on children, who watch commercials as avidly as they watch programs. Kids also make up a huge portion of consumer spending, as buyers themselves and as forces affecting their parents' buying decisions. In fact, according to James McNeal at Texas AM University, last year alone America's 27 million kids, ages 8 to 14, spent more than $14 billion. Toy company executives know this, and they advertise relentlessly during children's programs. Limit your child's exposure to TV commercials, and he'll be less likely to develop a lengthy wish list. Children's public television, while it's not strictly commercial-free, offers quality programs with much less advertising. Don't fulfill every request. Children who get everything they ask for don't learn to handle disappointment, and they don't learn to work #151; or even just wait #151; for things they desire. Do yourself and your child a favor by saying no to unending requests, even if that provokes tantrums in the toy store at first. Enlist the aid of friends and grandparents #151; who often delight in "spoiling" your child #151; by suggesting they buy only one gift at birthdays or holidays, instead of half a dozen. Teach your child about money. Grade-schoolers can learn about the value of possessions by paying for them themselves. Giving your child an allowance provides him with cash and you with the opportunity to teach him how to use it. His cries of "Oh, I want that!" at the store can be met with, "That costs five dollars. Do you have enough of your own money to pay for it?" If you want to institute spending rules, set them up right away so he knows from the start that, for example, half of his money should go into savings and half is his to spend as he chooses. At this age, children should also understand that some expenditures #151; like groceries and rent or mortgage payments #151; are necessities, while others #151; like yet another Game Boy cassette #151; are optional. When he whines, "But I want a new scooter!" you can respond sympathetically, "I understand that you want it," but then explain why he doesn't truly need it: "You already have a good scooter, and they're too expensive to collect." This teaches him that there are logical reasons behind purchasing decisions. It's wise to avoid bringing adult feelings of failure or resentment into the conversation. Teach him to prioritize. If holidays or birthdays are coming up and your child is expecting lots of presents, give him some paper and ask him to make a list (or draw pictures) of the three things he most wants and then number them in order of importance. Tell your child, "Before your birthday arrives, let's clean out your closet so you've got room. We'll give away some of your old toys." If he helps you deliver a box of his toys to a charity, he'll be learning about empathy and generosity. But he may also get to thinking about how much he really wants lots of new toys if it means getting rid of old favorites. Delay gratification. Teach your grade-schooler to think seriously about whether he really wants that new video game by making him wait for it. Have him write down or draw a picture of the item he wants and post it on the fridge along with a timeline of days #151; one or two weeks, say #151; until the date that he can go out and buy it with you. He can check off the days every morning. Finally getting it will be a much-anticipated treat, but if he loses interest before the time is up, even he will probably agree that he didn't really want yet another game after all. Show an appreciation for the deeper value of things. Your child can learn that you prize objects not for how costly or trendy they are but for their inherent quality or sentimental value. "This is a good skateboard because it's so sturdy," you can point out. Or "This chair means a lot to me because it was Grandma's when she was little." Your child may not begin to adopt your reasoning right away, but over time he'll see that popularity and high price tags aren't the only factors that make objects beloved, and that quality is better than quantity. Find out what's fueling his desire. Sometimes kids (and adults) crave possessions to fulfill an emotional need. If you notice that your son, who never used to care about games as much as his friends did, suddenly wants a PlayStation 2, talk with him about why that toy is appealing. If the answer is just that his two best friends both have one, you can have a simple conversation about the fact that it's okay to like different toys than the rest of the crowd. Or help him figure out whether he's afraid his friends won't like him if he doesn't have the same games they do. Show how to give to others. Expose children to altruistic activities. The real opposite of materialism is spirituality. Try to do something with your child that's focused on giving to others in a way that he can see. Take him with you to bring dinner to a sick neighbor or to volunteer in a soup kitchen. That kind of activity can foster an attitude that will help counter materialism more powerfully than almost anything else. Spend time rather than money on your kids. It's not easy in our hectic lives to give children the time and attention they crave, but that's the best way to ward off the "gimmes." If Mom and Dad are always busy, then the kids will retreat to their toys and TV and Nintendo. So try not to give your child things as a substitute for spending time with him. And make an effort to spend time together doing things that don't cost anything #151; go to the soccer field and the library, take nature walks and bike rides, play a game of charades. No matter what your child says, he wants #151; and needs #151; a secure sense of family more than a roomful of possessions. Michele Borba, Ed.D. is an internationally renowned educational consultant and recipient of the National Educator Award. She is the author of 19 books including Building Moral Intelligence (Jossey-Bass) chosen by Publishers#146; Weekly#146;s list of #147;most noteworthy for 2001.#148; Her latest book is Don't Give Me That Attitude! 24 Rude, Selfish, Insensitive Things Kids Do and How to Stop Them . (Jossey Bass, 2004). (Her proposal to end school violence was passed in California law in 2003:SB1667). For more information about her work, check out www.behaviormakeovers.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com More >>

The 7 Biggest Discipline Mistakes: A Primer for Puzzled Parents You May be Surprised to Discover What You#146;re Doing Wrong By Dr. Michele Borba So you#146;re trying to make your child quit bullying#151;or lying or cheating or defying you or #147;taking back#148;#151;and you#146;re having little success. You#146;ve tried threatening, scolding and even begging, but nothing seems to work. Frankly, you#146;re at your wit#146;s end. How can you ensure that your child stops his bad behavior for good? The first thing you must do is re-think your approach to discipline. Behavior is learned, so it can be unlearned. Parents need a specific makeover plan designed to half their kids#146; bad behavior. But before you can implement such a plan, you must first understand what you#146;re doing wrong#151;and why it#146;s wrong. Common discipline mistakes: Thinking #147;It#146;s just a phase.#148; Bad behaviors don#146;t go away. They almost always need parental intervention. The longer parents wait, the more likely the behavior will become a habit. So don#146;t call it a phase: stop the bad behavior as soon as it starts. Being a poor behavior model. Our behavior has an enormous influence on our kids#146; behavior. After all, what they see is what they copy. So before parents start planning to change their kid#146;s behavior, they need to take a serious look at their own. Not targeting the bad behavior. It#146;s best to work on improving only one#151;and never more than two#151;behaviors at a time. And the more specific the plan the better. Don#146;t say, #147;He#146;s not behaving.#148; Instead, narrow the focus to target the specific behavior you want to eliminate: #147;He#146;s talking back.#148; And makeover will be more successful. No plan to stop the bad behavior. Once parents have identified the bad behavior, they need a solid makeover plan to stop it. The plan must (1) address the kid#146;s bad behavior, (2) state exactly how to correct it, (3) identify the new behavior to replace it, and (4) have a set consequence if the bad behavior continues. Not teaching a substitute behavior. No behavior will change permanently unless the child is taught a new behavior to replace it. Think about it: if you tell a kid to stop doing one behavior, what will he do instead? Without a substitute behavior, chances are the child will revert to using the old misbehavior. Going alone. Big mistake! After all if your kid is using the bad behavior on other caregivers#151;be it spouse, grandparents, teachers, day care providers, coaches, scout leaders, babysitters#151;then use the same makeover plan together. The more you work together, the quicker you#146;ll be in stopping the problem behavior. Not sticking to the plan long enough. Learning new behavior habits generally takes a minimum of twenty#150;one days of repetition. Parents need to commit to changing the bad behavior and then continue using the plan for at least three weeks. Only then will they see change. Michele Borba, Ed.D. is the author of #147;No More Misbehavin#146;: 38 Difficult Behaviors and How to Stop Them,#148; now available in paperback from Jossey-Bass in books and on-line. She publishes FREE E-newsletters for parents and educators. To sign up for your free subscription and for information on seminars and other publications contact her at www.behaviormakeovers.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Start Planning For The Holidays, Now! By Shelly Burke, RN, author of Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom#146;s Guide to Caring for Herself, Her Family, and Her Home www.homeiswherethemomis.com The holidays will be here before you know it. Start planning now to save money, time, and your sanity. To save money: Re-think gift giving. Consider giving just one gift, or a basket of small related gifts, to each person. Or maybe you#146;ll decide to draw names within your family, so you just have one person to buy for. Challenge everyone to re-gift something they have, but do not use or enjoy or are done with (for example, a CD that#146;s not in their taste, a book they#146;ve read, or a sweater that doesn#146;t fit). Or, give only home-made gifts like cookies or craft projects. Make a master list of all the ingredients you#146;ll need for holiday baking and meals, and begin stocking up on the non-perishable items when they#146;re on sale. Also list everything else you#146;ll need--candles, cards, lights, etc.,--and get them when they#146;re on sale. Or, purchase one or two things every time you shop to prevent sticker shock if you get them all at once. To save time: Make a timeline for holiday projects. Pick a date when you want to be done with Christmas projects (make it at least a few days early so you have time just to enjoy the season), and work backward. Plan when you#146;ll start sending cards, baking cookies, purchasing gifts, and making craft projects. To save time when gift giving, start now! Make a goal of purchasing one gift each time you shop. Or, make a detailed list of what you#146;re looking for and take a day during the week so the stores are less crowded, and get all of your shopping done at once. Make your appointment to have your hair cut or nails done, now, so you get a time that fits into your schedule. Time slots close to holidays fill up early. To save your sanity: Think about what is important to you and your family. It#146;s OK to change traditions if they cause more stress than joy! Instead of serving a huge meal to friends, acquaintances, co-workers, and family members, invite only people to whom you are very close. Ask them each to bring their favorite appetizer or dessert so you don#145;t have to cook as much. It#146;s OK to do less! Decorate just one room, rather than going all out and decorating the whole house, inside and out. Instead of making homemade cards and sending them to people you haven#146;t seen or heard from in years, just send a printed letter to close friends. Be sure to take time to take care of yourself--exercise, get plenty of rest, and so on. Commit to taking care of your own health, and establish habits now so you you#146;ll want to continue them all year. Start now, and you#146;ll enjoy the holidays more than ever! Shelly Burke, RN, is the author of Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom#146;s Guide to Caring for Herself, Her Family, and Her Home . Read an excerpt, or download a FREE goal sheet and goal-making guide, at www.homeiswherethemomis.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

The 7 Biggest Discipline Mistakes: A Primer for Puzzled Parents You May be Surprised to Discover What You#146;re Doing Wrong By Dr. Michele Borba www.behaviormakeovers.com So you#146;re trying to make your child quit bullying#151;or lying or cheating or defying you or #147;taking back#148;#151;and you#146;re having little success. You#146;ve tried threatening, scolding and even begging, but nothing seems to work. Frankly, you#146;re at your wit#146;s end. How can you ensure that your child stops his bad behavior for good? The first thing you must do is re-think your approach to discipline. Behavior is learned, so it can be unlearned. Parents need a specific makeover plan designed to half their kids#146; bad behavior. But before you can implement such a plan, you must first understand what you#146;re doing wrong#151;and why it#146;s wrong. Common discipline mistakes: Thinking #147;It#146;s just a phase.#148; Bad behaviors don#146;t go away. They almost always need parental intervention. The longer parents wait, the more likely the behavior will become a habit. So don#146;t call it a phase: stop the bad behavior as soon as it starts. Being a poor behavior model. Our behavior has an enormous influence on our kids#146; behavior. After all, what they see is what they copy. So before parents start planning to change their kid#146;s behavior, they need to take a serious look at their own. Not targeting the bad behavior. It#146;s best to work on improving only one#151;and never more than two#151;behaviors at a time. And the more specific the plan the better. Don#146;t say, #147;He#146;s not behaving.#148; Instead, narrow the focus to target the specific behavior you want to eliminate: #147;He#146;s talking back.#148; And makeover will be more successful. No plan to stop the bad behavior. Once parents have identified the bad behavior, they need a solid makeover plan to stop it. The plan must (1) address the kid#146;s bad behavior, (2) state exactly how to correct it, (3) identify the new behavior to replace it, and (4) have a set consequence if the bad behavior continues. Not teaching a substitute behavior. No behavior will change permanently unless the child is taught a new behavior to replace it. Think about it: if you tell a kid to stop doing one behavior, what will he do instead? Without a substitute behavior, chances are the child will revert to using the old misbehavior. Going alone. Big mistake! After all if your kid is using the bad behavior on other caregivers#151;be it spouse, grandparents, teachers, day care providers, coaches, scout leaders, babysitters#151;then use the same makeover plan together. The more you work together, the quicker you#146;ll be in stopping the problem behavior. Not sticking to the plan long enough. Learning new behavior habits generally takes a minimum of twenty#150;one days of repetition. Parents need to commit to changing the bad behavior and then continue using the plan for at least three weeks. Only then will they see change. Michele Borba, Ed.D. is the author of #147;No More Misbehavin#146;: 38 Difficult Behaviors and How to Stop Them,#148; now available in paperback from Jossey-Bass in books and on-line. She publishes FREE E-newsletters for parents and educators. To sign up for your free subscription and for information on seminars and other publications contact her at www.behaviormakeovers.com . Permission granted for DrLaura.com More >>

The Power Of One Voice: Making a Persuasive Stand At Public Meetings Homebodies By Cheryl Gochnauer Cheryl@homebodies.org Are you irritated by some things being allowed by the administration at your child#146;s school? Uneasy about some choices made by local government officials that make your job as an at-home parent more difficult (like tax increases, zoning decisions and restrictions on home-based businesses)? Speaking up at city council or school board meetings can be intimidating. But fear not; with the right idea and presentation, you can fight City Hall - and win. We asked Missouri state and local activist Lynette Holt to share some tips on making the most of your time at the podium. Q: What kind of ID do I need to be admitted to meetings? A: I have never been asked for any kind of ID. It may be a good idea to take proof of residency, such as a utility bill, in case your motive for speaking is questioned. Q: Is there something special I need to do to be allowed to speak? A: Call a week before the meeting to see what topics will be covered. Ask if they will be taking public comment. Find out how much time you will be allowed, and ask to be put on the agenda. Q: How can I grab and maintain their respectful attention? A: Dress nice. Business casual is a good rule. Be prepared, concise and professional, and do not get overly emotional. Have research to back up your opinion, and use visual aids if you have them. Type up your remarks, along with copies of your research, quotes, etc. and put them in a nice folder cover. Give a copy to each committee member. Include your name and phone number, and invite them to call for further information. Stay until the end of the meeting to talk with as many members as possible. Q: What if things go badly and people start shouting me down? A: Never lose your cool. Do not answer those in the audience who may shout out. Pause and wait for quiet; usually the chair of the meeting will call for order anyway. Then make your argument as compelling as possible. Q: Why is it important for me to make my voice heard? A: Public officials are elected to serve the public, and they want to be re-elected. The only way they know what the public wants is for individuals to speak out. Also, you may encounter others who share your opinion and may be the catalyst for them to speak up, too. Comments? Contact Cheryl or Lynette by writing Cheryl@homebodies.org . Also stop by www.homebodies.org , where you can interact with other parents on a variety of lively message boards. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com More >>

The Holidays are Coming: Worried about Your Kids#146; Table Manners? Virginia M. Shiller, Ph.D. www.rewardsforkids.com No matter how many times you#146;ve asked your seven-year-old to remove his elbows from the table, does it seem that he can#146;t keep them off for longer than it takes you to reach into the fridge to fetch the butter? And do the magic words #147;please#148; and #147;thank you,#148; not to mention longer phrases such as #147;Would you please pass the milk,#148; sometimes seem like a foreign language your child will never master? With the holidays coming, many parents are concerned that they should be preparing their children to perform acceptably at the family dinner table. Yet, this is a time when stress is mounting for parents, and children are weary at the end of the long school day. If reminders and nagging haven#146;t worked before, they are unlikely to work now. To make the learning of better table habits as painless a process as possible, a carefully devised reward plan might just do the trick. All of us #150; adults as well as children #150; form new habits when we have adequate motivation and sufficient opportunity for practice. To increase your child#146;s motivation, consider offering a modest reward for consistently practicing better manners. Don#146;t worry: You needn#146;t promise a new toy or more sweets if you feel your child gets more than enough of such things. Privileges such as the opportunity to stay up later on Friday evening, or special activities such as a family ice-skating outing may be sufficiently enticing incentives. The basic steps for a reward plan aimed at improving manners are: Devise and introduce a plan at a moment when you#146;re calm, not during a crisis at the dinner table. You don#146;t want to make promises you#146;ll later regret, and you want to introduce the plan in as positive a manner as possible. Take an upbeat, encouraging approach: for example, you might say that you see your child is showing more maturity in her homework habits or athletic skills, and you think she#146;s now up to mastering better manners. Have reasonable expectations, and don#146;t demand perfection. Expect your child to make improvement, but also to slip at times into old habits. And it is usually better to ask children work on only one or two new behaviors at one time. Make up a chart to record progress. If remembering the words #147;please#148; and #147;thank you#148; is the goal, you might offer your child a star for every dinner he manages to say these phrases at least five times. Young children will be more invested in the plan if they get to personalize the chart by drawing pictures on it or affixing their photo to the chart. Provide reminders to help keep the tone of the plan positive and fun. Children could make placemats with words or pictures to remind them of their goals. To add some humor, you might devise and wear a cardboard #147;crown#148; to remind children to make requests respectfully. (After all, they#146;re talking to the queen!) Provide the reward within a time-frame appropriate for your child#146;s age. Preschoolers may need a modest reward (e.g., an extra story at bedtime) daily. Elementary school aged children can wait to receive a reward once a week. After two or three weeks, most children will have improved their habits, and typically will lose interest in the reward plan. You might award your child an #147;I Did It!#148; Certificate stating her new accomplishment to mark the end of the plan. And, before you head for the family holiday dinner, reinforce the new habits at one last dinner at home. You might come up with a secret signal (perhaps tapping your nose, or pointing to where the crown once sat) to remind children if they start to forget their best manners amidst the excitement of the family gathering. While devising a reward plan takes a little effort, the joys of watching your children demonstrate better behavior makes the effort well worth it. Reward plans are a pleasurable way to improve a variety of child problem behaviors. And parents themselves feel rewarded when they watch their children behaving in more positive and mature ways. Virginia Shiller, Ph.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in the treatment of children and families. She is a Lecturer at the Yale Child Study Center, Chair of the Connecticut Psychological Association Children and Youth Committee, and author of the book Rewards for Kids! Ready-to-Use Charts Activities for Positive Parenting (American Psychological Association, 2003). For more information, visit www.rewardsforkids.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Homeschooling Hurdles Homebodies By Cheryl Gochnauer Cheryl@homebodies.org Because of the amount of time involved, homeschooling parents are usually also stay-at-home parents. There are lots of reasons families decide to go this route. But once it is chosen, home schooling, like any other endeavor, has its ups and downs. #147;My main concern about home schooling isn#146;t the lack of socialization,#148; says Carol, who is debating whether to send her child to private school in Mississippi or teach him herself. Instead, she is worried that he#146;ll be too sheltered. #147;He will miss the classroom and playground situations that help teach children how to deal with life and people. I am very concerned that my son will be too naiuml;ve, and my husband says school will help toughen him up.#148; Kass encourages Carol to take a different view. #147;For my son, I'd rather be the one teaching him how to handle arguments, differences of opinion, bullies and such than to have him learn it on his own or from his peers. I am very glad that I'm nearby to guide him with learning the appropriate responses and behaviors in dealing with complicated and even everyday situations.#148; Another roadblock some home schooling parents run into is lack of family support. #147;I thought that my relatives would come around,#148; says Pam, who is teaching her 6-year-old son at home. #147;But all except my mom have either disapproved or said nothing and then let something slip to show their true feelings (#145;Won't you be glad when your mommy lets you go to real school and play with the other kids?#146;). #147;In talking with other home schoolers, I've found that there will always be family members who think you've lost your mind,#148; she acknowledges. #147;I guess you just have to deal with each person and incident as they arise. I've decided that I'm not arguing the point or trying to convince anyone anymore. If they change their attitudes, that's great. But I don't feel that the Lord called me to convert the world to home schooling. I know my kids better than anyone else. I#146;ll do what God has led me to do. The safest and best place in the world is in the center of His will.#148; Home schooling is legal throughout America, but regulatory laws vary, so it is critical to know your specific state guidelines. Getting involved in a local home schooling support group will help you keep tabs on changing regulations and provide a network of friends who have made the same educational choices. #147;I think every single home schooling family I#146;ve ever met has been more than happy to share what they know with others,#148; says Tori, an Ohio home schooler. She tries to ease worries of new home schoolers who may feel overwhelmed with all the perceived rules and regulations. #147;You do not have to have little desks, a dedicated schoolroom and lesson plans for 5-6 hours a day!#148; Instead, many teaching experiences are woven into everyday activities, like going to the grocery store (math and economics), hiking in the woods (science and nature), and seeing a movie (literature and theatre). Some parents do set aside a special schooling area, but kids can work just as easily at the kitchen table. And though the state requires a set number of schooling hours per year, each family uses their discretion in establishing a schedule. (For instance, starting school at 10 a.m. instead of 8 a.m., or teaching every other day instead of five days straight.) What about choosing curriculum? #147;There are tons of home schooling materials available, and to be a wise steward of your money, you need to come to some decisions about things,#148; Tori advises.#147;Deciding what to buy depends on why you#146;re home schooling, your personal teaching style, and the way your kids learn. #147;My biggest reason for home schooling was to have control over what they learned and how they learned it. I wanted them to be taught subjects within a Biblical context and framework. That obviously affected the materials I choose. #147;Some folks home school because they have kids that don#146;t fit the norm and have trouble in school #150; either they are brighter and need more information faster, or they are a tad slower in a couple of areas and need more one-on-one. Or perhaps they have a special needs child. Therefore,#148; Tori says, #147;my advice is to articulate WHY, then go on from there. Your decision will eliminate a fair amount of the available curriculum.#148; #147;Homeschooling Hurdles#148; is an excerpt from Cheryl#146;s book, #147;Stay-at-Home Handbook: Advice on Parenting, Finances, Career, Surviving Each Day Much More.#148; To purchase a copy, visit http://www.gospelcom.net/homebodies/bookstore/orderSAHH.php or your favorite bookstore.Comments? Contact Cheryl by writing Cheryl@homebodies.org . Also stop by www.homebodies.org , where you can interact with other parents on a variety of lively message boards. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Moving to a New Location? By Liz Franklin liz@franklinizer.com www.franklinizer.com Moving can be a traumatic experience. The best way to sidestep the trauma (and cut the time in half) is to use this simple technique: pack your things in the opposite order in which you will use them. It takes a little thinking ahead, but it's easy and works incredibly well. Follow these steps: Gather Your Supplies: Cardboard boxes (I prefer bankers boxes which cost only $1.00 eachwhen you buy them 6 or 10 to a pack. Advantages over regular boxes: Bankers boxes have handles and lids; you can write on the sides; they stack well, and look organized and uniform; they can fit most household goods; when you want something they#146;re easy to get into; they don#146;t fall apart; and they#146;re reusable.) Lots of labels, large enough to read from a distance (about 4" x4") (You could write directly on the sides of the boxes, but not if they are already covered with writing.) Large rolls of tape and at least one tape gun One big binder, with plain paper (not lined), three-hole punched Carbon paper Large tipped felt pens and regular ball point pens If you don't do this next step you'll be sorry later! Create a "Central Headquarters" by setting up an area that#146;s out of the general traffic flow, will not be disturbed throughout the entire move, and is close to the main door and the phone. A medium-sized table is perfect. This is now your command post for the move. Don#146;t use your desk or kitchen table#151;moving papers and supplies will get mixed in with others and you#146;ll regret it. Create a special area, well away from other stuff, where you can answer questions, plot furniture layouts, find moving supplies, store extra boxes and spare lids, etc. After each session of packing, return all supplies to this table. Tell everyone to make sure the scissors, tape, etc. are returned to Central HQ. Packing: This is the key to your entire move: PACK BACKWARDS. That means packing FIRST the things you won#146;t need until LAST. Then pack things you#146;ll need medium soon, and last of all pack the things you#146;ll need first. Example: Pick one room. Let#146;s start with the kitchen. Ask yourself, "What will I not use for five years? Don#146;t laugh#151;I#146;llbet you have stuff you haven#146;t SEEN in longer than that! Now grab your binder full of paper and a sheet of carbon paper.Slip the carbon between the first two sheets and write on the top sheet the number 1. Next to that put a large letter E, which stands for five years. (See the end of this article for the codes.) Open the cupboards and pull out everything you won#146;t use for fiveyears. Pack it in a box. Label ALL FOUR SIDES of the box the same as the page: "1 E". Nowadd the word "Kitchen", because that#146;s where the stuff is going when you get into your new place. On the first (and carbon) page in the binder, list everythingyou#146;re putting in the box. When the box is full, take the carbon out, tear off the secondsheet and tape it to the top of the box. Leave the top copy in the binder. You will eventually have a master list here. Tape the box shut and set it aside. Put the carbon between the nextset of pages. Now do the next box: It will be 2 E (the second box you#146;ve packed, with more stuff you won#146;t use for five years or more.) In this way, each room is first stripped of all seldom-used items. This technique also gives you more and more room to move around as the time gets closer to The Big Day. If you don#146;t have any "five year" stuff, go look in another room. If you STILL don#146;t have any five-year stuff, go to the next time category which is one year. Pack as many boxes as you can, from as many rooms as you can, numbering the boxes in the order you#146;re packing them, and designating them "D" for "don#146;t need to open this for one year." Labeling: For total efficiency, put a large, brightly colored label on all four sides of the box, and label it just as you did the page in the binder. Be sure to note the room or area it#146;s going to. So our first label (or writing directly on the first box) would look like this: 1 E KITCHEN The number shows the total count of how many boxes you#146;ve packed. That way, when you#146;re unpacking, you can match the box numbers to the sheets in your binder and know immediately if any got lost in transit#151;and what was in them. Packing#151;Stage TWO: Now that you#146;ve packed all your five-year items, go back to each of the same rooms and pack all the items you won#146;t use for one year (in the kitchen, for example, if it#146;s January your "won#146;t need it for one year" stuff might include holiday decorations.) These are the "D" items (moving backwards up the priority list), and are labeled as such in your binder and on the labels on ALL FOUR SIDES of the box. 12 D KITCHEN Packing#151;Stage THREE: Pack all the "C" items: things you won#146;t need in the first six months in your new place. Be sure the label shows what room the box should go into. Even if the movers (or your friends) ignore the labels, you can sort the boxes out much more easily whenever you need to. If all you use is the number and letter code, you#146;ll have to delve into the binder to find what was in every single box every single time. Who needs THAT when you#146;re tired! 16 C KITCHEN Packing#151;Stage FOUR: Pack all the "B" items#151;stuff you'll need in the first month but don#146;t have to open right away. 21 B KITCHEN Packing#151;Stage FIVE: Pack all the "A" items#151;things you#146;ll want in the first week (but not immediately#151;we#146;re coming to that). Your "A" items might include the big coffeepot, extra towels, utensils, etc. 30 A KITCHEN Packing#151;FINAL STAGE: Everything should have been moving smoothly so far, right up to this final stage. If you#146;ve been faithful to your Central Headquarters, you#146;ve found everything you need, when you need it. Now pack a final set of boxes labeled "AA" for top priority. These are the things you will want immediately after you move in, including the keys to the new place; restaurant menus; two towels and two sets of silverware for each person; toothbrushes; personal phone books; the checkbook; favorite coffee cups; etc. Unpacking Now that you're in the new place, set up a Central Headquarters to reverse the process#151;a place to unpack. Stock it with knives for opening your boxes; your binder for checking items in as they arrive; room to stash empty boxes; a wastebasket, cleaning rags; etc. During this entire process you should be able to find anything you need by looking at either the sides of the boxes or the binder. You don#146;t need to accomplish a mass unpacking as soon as you#146;ve moved in and you#146;re tired#151;just unpack the "AA" boxes (and maybe the "A#146;s") and get some rest. When you#146;re ready to unpack more, you can tell what room they go in, and you can pause again after the "B#146;s" are done. There#146;s some well-earned rest right there. Other advantages include: An inventory of all your goods, which you can give to yourinsurance agent If you have to put some things in storage temporarily, you will besure they aren#146;t things you#146;ll need soon You#146;ll be envy of all your friends because you#146;ll look so restedduring your move You#146;ll enjoy the congratulations of your moving company for being so organized Good luck! I#146;ve used this system at least five times and every time I appreciate it more. KEY: AA = Open First A = Will need right away (first week) B = Won't use for 1 month C = Won't use for 6 months D = Won't use for 1 year E = Won#146;t use for 5 years or more Liz is the nationally published author of How " To Get Organized Without Resorting to Arson ," visit her website at www.franklinizer.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

"Raise Your Voice" - A Movie Review The Movie Reporter By Philip Boatwright www.moviereporter.com Films Reviews from a Family Perspective Raise Your Voice. Hilary Duff, Jason Ritter, John Corbett, Oliver James, Rebecca De Mornay, David Keith. Most films nowadays are made with an intended audience. Adolescent males who enjoy seeing things souped up, blown up, or gobbled up are generally those courted first by movie studios. But teen and preteen girls, once very much neglected by Hollywood, have finally convinced the film industry that they will buy just as much popcorn as their male counterparts. After the success of #147;Mean Girls,#148; #147;Lizzie McGuire: The Movie,#148; and at least four recent Cinderella rip-offs, producers are now confident that the #147;Tween Girls Rule#148; genre is alive and well. So here#146;s another film with them in mind. Hilary Duff stars as Terri Fletcher, a small-town girl who aspires to a big-time singing career. When a personal tragedy interrupts her steady life, Terri defies her father#146;s wishes and secretly heads off to a Los Angeles performing arts summer school. But the school brings a whole new set of challenges for Terri, who suddenly finds herself part of a highly competitive program in an intimidating new city. Though initially overwhelmed by her new surroundings, Terri rises to the occasion with the help of some newfound friends, an encouraging teacher, a first love, and faith. Although I suspect anyone not into all things Duff may find it less than satisfying, teenaged girls who have grown up with Lizzie McGuire will love it. And why not? Young girls will either relate to the lead character#146;s adolescent frustrations or want to relate to her charms (Miss Lizzie has not only blossomed, she simply cannot be badly photographed). A bit shallow for adults, but for its intended audience, the film successfully addresses several poignant issues, including standing up for yourself and drawing from a spiritual core when facing life#146;s realities. And while the film is gratefully far from the likes of #147;Thirteen,#148; it is a touch edgier than previous Hilary Duff efforts due to fact that the main character deals with the guilt of her brother#146;s death and the deceiving of her domineering father. In the story, Terri (Hilary) must either go along with a sneaky plan formulated by her aunt and mother in order to get into the prestigious academy, or give up her dream and stay home with an overprotective father. Parents may initially fear that this premise condones lying to authority figures. What we must realize, however, is that without some conflict in a movie there would be no drama. But Terri is not a wiseacre Ferris Bueller-type who takes pleasure in pulling one over on bumbling parents. Rather, the character feels remorse throughout the film for her deception and ultimately the truth is faced. What#146;s more, the picture is actually addressing this moral issue. With any luck, family members will be reminded of the importance of communication. The most satisfying moments for this old fogy weren#146;t in the final musical showdowns, but in the three or four subtle moments that reflected the family#146;s spiritual direction. At least twice, we see Terri go to church by herself; we even see her pray. (When#146;s the last time you saw that in a film aimed at juveniles?) Other times we see her singing in choir and rehearsing the Hallelujah Chorus. Also she wears and clings to a cross left to her by her beloved brother. (When asked why it#146;s a Celtic cross, the director, a practicing Catholic, gave a concise explanation by simply repeating his entire name - Sean Patrick Michael McNamara .) Although Ms. Duff#146;s voice is still paper-thin, the film is full of lively and often joyous music, with positive lyrics #150; follow your heart #150; don#146;t give up #150; I#146;ll be strong #150; believe in yourself . The actors give bright, sincere performances, and though somewhat linear and unsophisticated, Mr. McNamara#146;s direction is effective at keeping the narrative from becoming maudlin or sugary while never condescending to his intended audience. Add to that the fact that he has avoided the usual crudity found in most youth-orientated flicks and you have a funny, family-friendly film. As for its star, Ms. Duff is beginning to outgrow her Lizzie-isms, showing signs of becoming a real actress. Having grown up on sound stages, Hilary has become close friends with movie cameras. Indeed, she may be the most photogenic child star since the young Elizabeth Taylor. She is a beauty and will no doubt be a gorgeous woman in a few years. But all too often actresses become overly conscious of their looks (especially when they#146;re only sixteen), which can limit acting muscles. No acting career survives on cuteness alone. Sincerity and truth are found under the skin. Therefore, if Ms. Duff#146;s management wants her to survive a fickle positioning on Hollywood#146;s wobbly celebrity rung, then its time to focus more on thespian skills than exploitive promoting. Though she is fine in this film, I would suggest she actually attend a performing arts school. As for the film #150; it#146;s terrific for teens and tweens. PG (Though I caught no harsh or profane language other than a few minor expletives, the expression #147;Oh my God#148; now a common euphemism among the young, is used frequently. A male student gets drunk, but is chastised by the lead for his behavior; One scene features a teen couple passionately kissing, then suddenly drops out of camera, presumably to further their new-found feelings. This is not the main couple. The lead is cautious and it is clear that she is not rushing into a relationship. A lie is at the center of the film#146;s premise, but it sets up the moral question. A car crash leads to the death of a family member. The director handles this situation and all the material with discretion.). Go to Phil Boatwright#146;s website at: www.moviereporter.com for details on how to have reviews of new films delivered directly to your e-mail address. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com DEFINITIONS Crudity - A word or action lacking in culture, tact Expletive - A mild obscenity or needless expression Obscenity - Objectionable or repugnant to acceptable standards of decency or morality; indecent; pornographic Profanity - Irreverence toward God Blasphemy - To speak contemptuously of God Adult subject matter - Situations or subjects unsuitable for or difficult to comprehend by children More >>

That's The Ticket: Discount Night At The Movies By Cheryl Gochnauer Cheryl@homebodies.org Copyright 2004 In less than a month, #147;Lord of the Rings: Return of the King#148; hauled in more than $300 million from moviegoers. Ecstatic reviews propelled audiences into theaters across the country, eager to enjoy Peter Jackson#146;s talented team delivering Oscar-caliber performances. Not to be an Orc about it, but the ca-ching of the Ring could have been held to only $298 million or so if ticket buyers had taken advantage of a multitude of discounts available to them. It only takes a change of hobbit #150; er, habit #150; to save money the next time you storm the walls of your local cinema. GO BEFORE 6:00 PM. Matinees ticket prices are usually a couple of dollars cheaper than for prime time shows. That means a family of four can visit the concession stand with $8 extra dollars in their pockets if they head for the theater after school instead of after dinner. LET AGE WORK FOR YOU. Children and seniors pay lower rates, as do students with current ID cards. Some drive-ins admit kids under 11 free. Don#146;t forget seasonal programs like Regal Cinema#146;s ( www.regalcinemas.com ) Family Film Festival and Dickinson#146;s ( www.dtmovies.com ) Summer Kids Movies pass featuring past G and PG-rated films. Sure, they#146;re already out on video, but it#146;s still great to see favorite films on the big screen. And at $1.50 or less per ticket, it#146;s a cheap way to entertain the tots. CHECK THOSE COUPON BOOKS. The next time a fundraising student appears on your doorstep selling Entertainment or Gold C books ( www.entertainment.com ), invite them in. Recent Gold C books included coupons for Cinemark ( www.cinemark.com ), AMC Theatres ( www.amctheatres.com ) and Regal Cinemas. The Entertainment book tends to expand these listings, adding even more movie houses. Also flip through those coupon pages in your phonebook to seek additional discounts. REWARD CARDS. Just like grocery stores, several nationwide theater chains reward repeat customers. Membership is free; ask for card applications at the box office. AMC MovieWatchers accumulate 2 points for every ticket purchased (limit 4 points per visit). As they hit 10-point thresholds, customers receive coupons for free drinks, popcorn or tickets. MovieWatchers also get free popcorn on Wednesdays, and can order advance tickets with no service fee. Many Dickinson Theaters feature the DT Movies Bonus Club Card. One point is awarded for each ticket purchased; moviegoers get free popcorn at 5 points and a free ticket at 10 points. Saving this much money may put you in the mood to return to the movies again. Have fun, and may the Frodo be with you. Comments? Contact Cheryl by writing Cheryl@homebodies.org . Also stop by www.homebodies.org , where you can interact with other parents on a variety of lively message boards. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com More >>