The Difference Between Men and Women by Candace Bahr, CEA, CDFA and Ginita Wall, CPA, CFPreg; www.WIFE.org www.MoneyClubs.com Until recently, the world of finances has been pretty much male dominated. And men and women think and learn very differently. For the most part, men don't enjoy group interaction and sharing. Men are more likely to go it alone, prizing independence and autonomy, while women seek interaction and chemistry. There are a number of scientific studies and findings that back up what we women have always intuitively known. Consider these: Men focus, women integrate. Studies show that men's brains are more localized, specialized and efficient at focusing. Women's are more distributed, connected and better at integrating. That's why so many women think holistically, and it explains their ability to pull together information, what we've always known as "women's intuition." Men compare, women share. Martha Barletta, an expert in gender focus marketing, has found that men relate to their friends by doing things together such as golfing, fishing, or going to ball games. Women, on the other hand, see sharing conversations as the primary point of getting together with friends. No matter what women do or where they go with their friends, they talk. They talk about people, family, and issues that are important to them. Men talk too. But when men talk, they talk about things or events, comparing performance and swapping scores. Men compete, women cooperate. Emory University recently studied women to see if they were more likely to cooperate or compete. But though they would earn more money by competing, the scientists found that most women engaged in cooperative strategy, helping each other to reach the goal. And when they cooperated, MRI scans showed their brains lit up with pleasure. Women love to help each other, and now we know why-we're wired for it! Under stress, men fight/flight, women tend/befriend. A study at UCLA found that under stress, men's bodies produce adrenaline, while women release oxytocin, a hormone that triggers an urge for interpersonal interaction and closeness. Women know that there's no one like a good girlfriend to talk to when you've had a bad day. Rather than going it alone, that's why women prefer to go to health clubs to work out, they join book clubs and gather to play bunco. Women join groups when they diet. We all know that this is a far more effective way for women to succeed. And now we've got Money Clubs for women, so we can help each other as we help ourselves. Cofounders sixteen years ago of the nonprofit Women#146;s Institute for Financial Education ( www.WIFE.org ) and the new MoneyClub for women ( www.MoneyClubs.com ), Candace Bahr, CEA, CDFA and Ginita Wall, CPA, CFPreg; are trusted financial guides for millions of women. As owner of her own investment management firm, Candace was recently recognized as one of the top ten brokers in the country for 2003 by Registered Rep magazine. Ginita has been named to Worth magazine#146;s Top Financial Advisors for seven years. Both authors are nationally-recognized experts on women and money and regularly appear on CNN and CNBC and in national financial and women#146;s publications. This article is excerpted from their new book It#146;s More Than Money#151;It#146;s Your Life! The New Money Club for Women (John Wiley, 2004). Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

How to Live a Creative Life By Christine Louise Hohlbaum www.DiaryofaMother.com Parents are the most creative people alive. Don#146;t think so? They create life, sustain it, and nurture it for years. In short, they turn cells into human beings, and rather likeable ones at that. Parents assist in the process of making a newborn into a child who then grows into a teen, then an adult. Somewhere along the line, a lot of parents often forget to foster other aspects of their creativity, the power of their youth which made them into kings and queens for an afternoon. How can we as parents regain a sense of the mystery within? It is simple, really. First, look at your children. We have built-in creativity machines in our midst. Learn from them. Observe how they can pretend four chairs and a blanket is a house. Wooden beads turn into a delicious meal. Sticks and rocks become log cabins and tiny treasures. If a random twig taken from a city park can be the bow for my daughter#146;s "arrow," then I might be able to come up with a few ideas of my own. Next, look at nature. The clouds resemble animals; the trees look like people. Birds forage the ground for food. They seek what they need to survive. An integral part of our lives is recognizing the creative spirit ordained to do great things. We need to seek what we require to survive as well. But how? When I speak to groups about time management, they usually agree that time is a rare commodity. Add children to the mix, and it seems near impossible to find a moment to yourself. If you are able, carve out an extra fifteen minutes per day to seek a moment of solitude. Silence is a key ingredient to nurturing your creative juices. Set the alarm 15 minutes earlier. Go to bed 15 minutes later and dedicate that time to your own thoughts. Take a lunch break by yourself and find a lone park bench. Keep a journal and record your inner emotions. Take creative dates with yourself, by yourself. If going to an expensive gift shop sets you on fire, do it. Nurturing your inner soul needn#146;t be expensive (so don#146;t buy anything at the gift shop#151;just browse!). Surround yourself with supportive people. Join a club which offers your area of interest, whether it is chess, gardening, skiing, or stamp-collecting. Set goals for yourself and write them down. Then make a timeline such as the following: "By the last Sunday of the month, I will have accomplished x, y, z#133;" If you need prompting, consider Julia Cameron#146;s book, "The Artist#146;s Way." I hold that book singularly responsible for jettisoning my writing career to the level it is today. It made me look into the mirror of my soul and see for the very first time the incredible potential I hold. You do, too. It is time to unearth your creative self and let it breathe. Christine Louise Hohlbaum, American author of Diary of a Mother: Parenting Stories and Other Stuff, has been published in hundreds of publications. When she isn#146;t writing, leading toddler playgroups or wiping up messes, she prefers to frolic in the Bavarian countryside near Munich where she lives with her husband and two children. Visit her Web site: www.DiaryofaMother.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Don't be Spooked by the Teacher! By Jodie Lynn www.ParentToParent.com Parent/Teacher conferences are right around the corner. I am not sure why they come right before Halloween, but it is a known fact that once school is in session for a short time, for most schools, the conferences will greet or beat Halloween. Q. Should kids go along to parent/teacher conferences? A. Ask the teacher what he/she prefers. Sometimes, it helps the child to hear the good and the bad straight from the teacher#146;s mouth. Additionally, if your child is younger than seven, they may not want to sit still long enough to benefit from the conference. However, if it is a performance review paired with an open house or something like an art show, it might benefit the child and be fun, too. A good rule of thumb is to leave the children at home unless the teacher invites them, at least for the first conference. Very few parents bring their children in on the first parent/teacher conference. Nevertheless, sometimes, especially during the second time around and their grades are slipping, it helps to let them hear what the teacher has to say. For example, children, and this means teens too, that are failing certain subjects can hear exactly what the teacher thinks may be taking place. There is nothing worse than going home and trying to explain to your child what the teacher said the problem was and what you think it is and then hearing something totally different from the child. Taking your kid along for the second go around is the perfect opportunity for the parent and teacher to hear what the child has to say about it as well. Nine times out of ten, it is not what you were told or what you thought the problem was. (Amazing, isn't it?) It's also a great opportunity for everyone to become involved in offering suggestions to fix the problem without blaming or using one person against the other for excuses. Last year I heard one student tell his mom that he was embarrassed to be following her around from one room to the other; she simply replied, and loud enough for anyone within earshot to hear, that if that was the case, then she guessed he wouldn't be failing the same subjects next time...now would he? I loved it because I knew that the mom was a stay-at-home mom and could stay right on top of all homework assignments her children had. In fact, as she was going into the conference room, I heard her introduce herself by beginning the introduction saying, "Hello, I am Tom's mom -- I stay at home and know exactly what is up with his homework. Now, about that low grade in the last essay..." Tips to get ready: To get ready for a conference and to adhere to your time slot, ask your child if there are any concerns two days before the conference. Make a list of those concerns as well as any of your own. Read your child#146;s concerns and ask about any you do not understand. If there are bully issues, get full details. Do not blame anyone for anything until you have heard the full story. Stay positive, talk about the good points of the situation, and let the teacher know you are willing to work together for the success of your child. Follow through with suggestions and talk to your child about a plan on improving specific areas. Maybe having the conferences right before Halloween is timed precisely right -- this way, you can calmly mention any outstanding book reports, essays or other timely projects that need to be done by -- you guessed it, Halloween! No completed assignment, no trick or treating. Of course, you have to follow through on the consequences, so be careful of empty threats. After all, I don#146;t know even one single adult who doesn#146;t enjoy the treats of Halloween. Note: You asked for a Mom, CEO logo and now we have it on great merchandise at the www.ParentToParent.com site. ALL MOMS ARE WORKING MOMS! Jodie Lynn is an internationally syndicated parenting/family columnist. Her latest paperback book is Mommy-CEO, revised edition, Martin-Ola Press . (It's not just for moms!) -- check out her new e-book, "Syndication Secrets" at www.ParentToParent.com for more details. We now have new Mommy, CEO merchandise and logo! copy;2004 Jodie Lynn. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Three Wishes By Christine Louise Hohlbaum www.DiaryofaMother.com My mother had three wishes when we were young. That we all bear children who behave as we did, that she occasionally get ten minutes to herself, and that her house were permanently clean (and not by her own doing). They are most likely wishes that every mother has had at one point or another in her career of active motherhood. When I first had children, I really didn#146;t think much about my mother#146;s wishes. I was busy feeling overwhelmed, ill-equipped, and sleep-deprived. Once the dust settled and we had a routine, I began to see more clearly what was going on in my life. And then it happened. I didn#146;t mean for it to. I broke my vow. No, not a marital one. We#146;re just as happy as we were ten years ago on that hot August day when we both said "I do." Something else happened. I wished Sophia to have a daughter just like her. Aloud. In broad daylight. With witnesses. Okay, so it was just her three-year-old brother, but he heard it. So did I. My mother used to say to me, "I hope you have a daughter just like you!" She would use her sing-song voice, the voice struggling for control over the desire to throttle her kid for doing what kids do best: drive their parents to the verge of insanity. I heard it so often that, while she never said it with malice, I had the sense it wasn#146;t a good thing to wish something like that on another person. Especially if that other person is slightly whiny. Or impatient. Or, well, a pain. The other day I said it to my daughter, Sophia. Many times before I have wanted to say it and have not. I bit my tongue and did not yield to the temptation. But then, in a flash, I had to make a decision. She wanted a yogurt. I opened one and put it in front of her. She grinned and said, "I don#146;t want yogurt. I want melon." Gracefully, I turned on my heel and took in a breath. My lips parted ever so slightly and the thought jumped to my mind. Do not get angry. Get even. I wheeled around and grinned back at my angelic child sitting daintly at the kitchen table and uttered the words, "I hope you have a daughter#133;JUST#133;LIKE#133;YOU!" She smiled and nodded in agreement. Lol! She knows not what I am saying, I thought. Since that day, the dam has been broken. I have said it twice since that fateful afternoon when I dangled on the precipice between sane and mentally infirm. It is perhaps an unnecessary self-flagellation. My daughter#146;s face lights up every time when I say it. She probably thinks I wish her all the best--which I do. All the best entails growing and learning. As parents, we are faced with those challenges every day. If "all the best" involves a bit of personal stretching, by golly! I wish the best for my children. And ten minutes to myself. And a clean house to boot. Christine Louise Hohlbaum, American author of Diary of a Mother: Parenting Stories and Other Stuff, has been published in hundreds of publications and has appeared on NPR twice. When she isn#146;t writing, leading toddler playgroups or wiping up messes, she prefers to frolic in the Bavarian countryside near Munich where she lives with her husband and two children. Visit her Web site: www.DiaryofaMother.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com More >>

Teaching an "Only" Child to Share Jodie Lynn www.ParentToParent.com A stay at home mom recently brought up a scenario that I frequently hear about in one-child families. Here is her dilemma: Her son does not have any brothers or sisters and has been at home with her up until just recently. Now that school has started, he has gotten even worse about sharing. When he goes over to someone#146;s house, it does not take long before he wants to come home and play with "his" toys. When he has friends over, he will pull the toy or book away if the other child tries to play with it. To tell the truth, I do not think this is a challenge that runs amuck in one-child families. It might be noticed more quickly, but all parents go through similar situations. Make sure you understand the reason why your son does not like to share. Sometimes children may not know how to answer this and appear rude and selfish. Role-play. During role-playing, something said or done may click and you will understand his position. This does not mean you have to agree with it. It just provides you with more information so you can help him to help himself. Try to check out the rules about sharing at school, outside activities or even at other children's houses. If others are not sharing, politely ask why and then explain it to your child. Maybe he is just doing what is being done to him and this is the way he is learning about the process. Don't force your son to share special items. Have a box ready to keep these out of sight when others come over. Personally take the box and put it in a safe place from everyone including your son. If he is too young to understand this, do not let him see you do it. You can always bring the items out after the friend has gone home. Find out who is coming over and how they play. If it is an "active" child, plan a few activities away from breakables and allow for a shorter playtime. Don't make a big deal out of the situation. Change the subject and keep things moving. Remember to catch your son in the act of displaying acceptable behavior, give plenty of hugs and praise when he does share. It is actually OK for you not to make him share every single toy or book in his room when a friend comes over to play. Rule number three works really well by labeling a box "special" and putting it up before kids come over. They will never see the box of toys or books and if the play date is kept short, your child may not even ask for them. If he does, say, "If I get out your special box of toys, your friend gets to play with them too. Do you agree to do this?" Rule of thumb: He may not share even if he says he will until around age four or so. Be prepared to have to put the box back away and divert their attention to a new activity that will require both of them to become involved with "hands-on." Jodie Lynn is an internationally syndicated parenting/family columnist. Her latest paperback book is Mommy-CEO , revised edition, Martin-Ola Press. (It's not just for moms!) -- check out her new e-book, "Syndication Secrets" at ParentToParent.com for more details. We now have new Mommy, CEO merchandise and logo! copy;2004 Jodie Lynn. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Smarter Family Management ByKathy Peel www.familymanager.com Being the Family Manager means there#146;s always more than plenty to do#151;and the job starts over every morning. If we don#146;t find ways to handle day-to-day tasks so that everyone, Mom included , is cheerful, relaxed, and organized, we#146;ll struggle just to endure life and never get to enjoy it. How we carry out each twenty-four-hour day can make a difference between a household in constant uproar and one that hums along smoothly. And, there is more at stake than just lost car keys on Monday morning or a missed school play due to unexpected calendar conflicts. Home is where our kids learn how to #147;do#148; life. Consequently, we need smooth-running homes both for sanity#146;s sake and for our kids#146; future success. Every fall year when school starts, moms across the country deal with many of the same issues. Here are common complaints I hear, and solutions that can work for every family. We never have enough time in the morning. Figure out what time everyone has to be out the door and work backwards from there. How long does it typically take each person to get ready? Set a wake-up time that gives each child enough time to wash, dress, eat, do chores, and get out the door#151;then add ten minutes for schedule snags so they won#146;t miss the bus or carpool. Put a clock in every room so everyone is always aware of what time it is. Have one person be in charge of giving family members a ten-minute warning#151;ten minutes before it#146;s time to walk out the door. Every morning there#146;s a tense line at the bathroom door. Design a rotating schedule for the bathroom and assign each child a time. Put a timer in the bathroom so they#146;ll know when their time is up. (Have teenagers get up fifteen minutes earlier than younger siblings since they need more time in the bathroom. Put a makeup mirror in girls#146; bedrooms to free up time for others.) The kids change clothes a lot and we argue over what they want to wear. Ask kids to decide and set clothes out the night before. (Pack away all clothing that doesn't fit and put away out-of-season items to simplify choices.) For children who like to decide in the morning, make decisions easier by hanging all their school clothes in one area of the closet, and build your kids#146; wardrobe on basic color bottoms that will coordinate with a wide variety of tops. Also: Buy socks all of one kind and color for each child. This saves searching for mates. Buy #147;fast#148; clothes#151;shoes with Velcro fasteners, tagless T-shirts, and shirts with ample openings for easy slipping over the head#151;for young children. Buttons, snaps, zippers, and shoelaces slow them down. The kids often forget things, and I have to make extra trips to school. When homework is done the night before, it goes in the backpack and the backpack goes on a hook by the door, along with shoes, rain gear, and gym clothes. Breakfast (if we eat at all) is always fast and furious. Set the table and make as many preparations as you can the night before. Offer a very limited menu of easy-to-prepare but healthy foods. Divide preparation and cleanup chores between family members. Sit down at the table together, even if it#146;s only for four or five minutes, and talk about your children#146;s day. Ask about tests, activities, and if there#146;s anything you need to pick up for them at the store. This is an easy way to show them you care about what#146;s going on their world. Making the day#146;s lunches in the morning just adds to breakfast chaos. Fix tomorrow#146;s sack lunches while you#146;re cleaning up after dinner. The kids come home loaded with papers and information. It#146;s hard to keep up with all the practices, games, and meetings at school. Create a Control Central (a home base of operation) where you can organize and administrate the countless daily details#151;schedules, appointments, invitations, school papers#151;and oversee your family#146;s coming and goings. Kitchen is ideal location. You need a central family calendar, small dry erase board for messages, bulletin board, and an inbox for each child. When kids get home from school, have them unload backpacks right away and put important papers in their in-boxes. Mom or dad go through kids#146; inboxes at night. It#146;s also a good idea to have a 3-ring binder and hole-punch at Control Central to store things like team and homeroom phone lists, class/homework rules, sick day policies, field trip guidelines, etc. I end up doing all the work. I want my husband and kids to be more helpful. Create a morning chore chart kids can follow. Post it at child level on the refrigerator. Have each child check off tasks as he completes them. Have a rule at your house that kids do not get their privileges#151;watching TV, playing computer games, talking on the phone#151;until they fulfill their responsibilities. Stand firm. Carve out some time to talk with your spouse about who does what around the house. Many times men don#146;t know specifically what needs to be done or how to be helpful. Print off a Who#146;s Responsible for What list at familymanager.com to jumpstart the conversation. I#146;m tired of nagging. I would like my kids up to get up and get ready in the morning without yelling. Create a no-play-until-ready rule. Inspire a child by providing a special toy or game to be played with only when he is ready a few minutes early. Create a #147;Sunshine Jar#148; for young children who drag in the morning. Put some change in the jar each day they make progress sticking to the family schedule. Give them the money to spend on a treat the end of the week. Make sure kids get plenty of sleep. Keep to a reasonable schedule for bed preparations and sleep. Don#146;t alter kids#146; schedules much on weekends; they learn a daily rhythm and struggle when it#146;s upset. Set a specific time for younger children to bathe, brush their teeth, and go to bed, so they#146;ll have a sense of daily rhythm. Although they may stay up later n the weekends, don#146;t alter the schedule greatly if you want the school-day routine to be easy to maintain. Enforce a #147;lights out#148; time by installing a timer on kids#146; lights. Let them read or listen to audiobooks until the light goes out. Kathy Peel#146;s latestbook is The Family Manager Saves the Day (Perigee, 2004). To contact Kathy,visit familymanager.com . Permission granted for use on www.DrLaura.com. More >>

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Top 5 Ways Parents Waste Time By Tracy Lyn Moland www.TracyLynMoland.com Disorganization #150; searching for keys, library books or mittens can take up a great deal of time. Find sensible homes for everything. Perfectionism #150; there is a huge increase of time spent doing something perfect over excellent. Focus on making sure things are well done not perfect. Details #150; we live in a time when we are lucky to have so many options available to us. This can also be incredibly overwhelming. Try to limit your options to 3 -5 choices. Take advantage of opinions of experts and friends. Hidden time #150; when we pay attention to how long things actually take we can plan accordingly. A one hour workout at a gym can take two hours if you consider travel and preparation time. Procrastination- we often spend more time thinking about what we have to do than it takes just to do it. If you catch yourself procrastinating, ask yourself why you are doing it and then solve that problem. Tracy Lyn Moland is a life management expert and the author of Mom Management, Managing Mom Before Everybody Else (TGOT, 2003). Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com More >>

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Help for Poor Handwriting -- Get a Grip on it Now! By Jodie Lynn www.ParentToParent.com What to do if your child#146;s handwriting is a problem. It#146;s OK -- it can get better. Below is an excerpt of a heart-wrenching letter I received from a SAHM: #133;my twins were constantly being "encouraged" by the teachers to work on their handwriting. It literally drove us all to tears. It has taken me all of the summer to get them back on track to even think of the new school year in a positive manner. They are both going to be in the third grade, but to tell you the truth, I am scared to death of what the new school year will bring#133; I recently received the above plea for help from a desperate mom. While it may seem like a small insignificant task to some, the impact of the problem packs a huge whammy on self-confidence for the entire school year. After having taught school for several years, I can sympathize with what the family might have gone through. It is especially devastating to highly sensitive children. First of all, to all of you thousands of parents who have experienced this, and to those of you who may be notified of such a challenge in only a few short weeks, this is a common complaint for elementary children, especially for boys. Why? Children are so into large motor skills, (running, kicking and hitting activities) especially boys, that their fine motor skills in the manual dexterity of the fingers, are just not developed. Girls on the other hand, have a tendency to draw, bead or color, which leads to strengthening these muscles and coordination. The small and precise usage of this specific area leads to better hand writing. Here are some acceptable tips to get your little champion back on the road to not only feeling good about personal self-esteem, but for pure and simple handwriting success. Best of all, these are fun activities and perfect for the SAHM. Beading - Now that it#146;s cool for everyone to wear beaded necklaces - boys don#146;t mind a bit in producing their own choker. Embroidery - If you start now, kids can make special gifts for grandparents or stepparents. Even if it is as simple as adding initials on a towel set or dinner napkins. Drawing - Just about everyone can draw. It doesn#146;t have to be top notch. Start with free hand drawing or painting by numbers. Coloring books - There#146;s really cool coloring books out today and many to them can be about one of your child#146;s favorite TV shows or musical groups. Puzzles - these take time and patience. Begin with smaller ones and move up in the number of pieces. Working on Model Cars - Supervise with glue and paint, otherwise, let the child work on the project in small periods. Working on Model Airplanes - the same tips apply to airplane models or any type as they do to model cars. Having a special place where pieces can be kept out on a flat service making them readily available. Lego's - Anyone and everyone love Lego#146;s and they are perfect for finger/hand/eye coordination. Tracing - Most art stores have an unlimited supply of tracing paper and activities that kids love. Tying and untying shoe laces - Make a game of this by seeing who can tie and untie their shoes the fastest between mom and dad and/or mom and child or vice versa. Button and unbuttoning shirts/tops - When you put away summer clothes or while you are getting donations ready for pick up, ask your children to button all of the clothes: theirs, yours and the rest of the family#145;s clothes. The next week, ask them to undo the buttons. Alternatively, make a game out of it similar to the one for tying shoelaces. Keyboarding - Let your child write emails to grandparents, relatives and friends. You might also suggest that they make up and write poems and/or stories and submit them to online contests. Dialing on a rotary phone -- don#146;t have one - pick one up at the local resale, garage sale or Goodwill store. Call out various numbers and let them dial them with various fingers - not just the normal dialing fingers. The key to optimizing the ultimate success of these activities is to make them fun, not to pressure and not to nag. In fact, don#146;t even mention why they are being done other than praising them for the end result. Never force your child to do an activity for long periods. As soon as you see frustration setting in, switch to another activity and go back to the other ones another day. Jodie Lynn is an internationally syndicated parenting/family columnist. Her latest paperback book is Mommy-CEO , revised edition, Martin-Ola Press. (It's not just for moms!) -- check out her new e-book, "Syndication Secrets" at ParentToParent.com for more details. We now have new Mommy, CEO merchandise and logo! copy;2004 Jodie Lynn. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>