Five Things Nature WillTeach Your Child By Mark J. Stevens www.luisasnature.com Deep in the woods, something small is lurking and just waiting to bediscovered. Leading children into the arms of nature will expand theirhorizons and help make them become well-rounded individuals. Here are 5things your children will learn by interacting with nature: JOY: The varying strength ofair blowing on leaves will teach yourchild the joys of the subtle differences of sound intensity floatinginto their ears. The gifts of rotating seasons will enlighten theireyes with ever changing surprise. The smells of wood or a passing skunkcan excite the smallest of explorers and teach them the effects ofdiffering wind direction or dampness. Sticks and stones come in manyshapes, sizes and consistency. Once your children appreciate thediversity below their feet, each outing into nature will be a joyousoccasion. SHARING: If you talk to yourchildren about your discoveries in naturetogether, they will learn the very valuable skill of sharing. Just siton a log and look at a tree or long grass or a caterpillar or at theclouds and talk to each other about what you see and feel. If yourchild enjoys silence, you can discuss the walk through the woods or inthe fields afterwards. Words are a good way for your children to sharetheir experiences with you or their friends. But they can also draw apicture of their favorite spot in nature #150; another creative way ofsharing their experiences. SENSE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT: Giveyour children some tasks to achieve innature. Start with simple tasks such as finding a pinecone or acorn.Then move on to more difficult challenges such as finding threedifferent-colored lichen or moss or insects. Go at your child#146;s pace.It makes no sense to overwhelm children with impossible challenges.They should have fun while successfully completing a task and gainingknowledge. This will instill a sense of pride in your children. CURIOSITY: Plant tomatoes andflowers in the backyard with yourchildren. Let them till the soil, put the seeds in the dirt and waterthem. You will not only see the tomato plants grow gradually, but yourchildren#146;s curiosity will grow in leaps and bounds. Ask them how theirplants are coming along and you will see their sense of pride andcuriosity abound. They will regularly run out into the yard to see howtheir plants are doing. They will learn how the soil, weather andinsects affect their plants. Similarly, by asking your children somesimple questions about the birds and the terrain along any given trailyou will open your children#146;s eyes and make them curious. They willsoon be asking questions that even you will have to research to getthem the right answers. GRATITUDE: When taking a walkwith your children along a stream or neara lake or simply in the rain, the topic of water will come up at somepoint. Once your children learn about the source of water, they willgain an appreciation for a simple glass of water that they need tosurvive. They will learn how individual parts of ecosystems areintertwined and will develop gratitude for our oneness with nature. Ifyour children have the opportunity to take a walk with you through thedesert or in a dry climate, their appreciation for the basic elementsof nature such as water will grow even more. You can inspire your child to keep a journal of his or her naturediscoveries. The combination of exploring and writing will be a sourceof learning that will grow in time like branches on a tree. The pageswill be replete with words of joy, sharing, sense of accomplishment,curiosity and gratitude. Mark Stevens, author of LUISA'S NATURE (Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing,Spring 2008), is a news journalist currently working in Europe. Formore information, visit www.luisasnature.com .Permission granted for useon DrLaura.com. More >>

Make Yourself Dispensable By Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman Are you at all interested in raising a thirty-year-old Nintendo player who lays around your house all day eating cold pizza and sucking up diet Pepsi? Probably not. If your are like many of the parents who attend our parenting workshops, creating a thirty-year-old video game player is not high on your list of parenting goals. Our prediction is that you are probably a lot more interested in raising a responsible, caring, conscious youngster who somewhere between the ages of eighteen and twenty-five, is capable of leaving home and living successfully on their own. Raising a responsible young adult, one who can function effectively in today's world does not happen by luck, coincidence, or magic. It occurs only where parents set out to make it happen by working diligently and purposefully throughout a child's life to see that the child learns about independence, responsibility, and personal power. It happens where and when parents work intentionally to make themselves dispensable in a child's life. Are you interested in making yourself more dispensable so your child can become more responsible and independent? If so, use the suggestions below to will help you move closer to your goal of raising an independent, autonomous, fully functioning young adult. 1. Believe that making yourself dispensable is your main job as a parent. If you believe that your job is to be needed, that your central role is to do for your children, you will have a difficult time implementing the ideas that follow. Helping doesn't always help. Sometimes it creates learned helplessness. When you do for your children the things they can do for themselves, you are over-functioning. Over-functioning begins with the belief that my children need me to do for them. Change that belief to--- my job is to help my children do for themselves. 2. Refuse to do for your children what they can do or can learn to do for themselves. Do you do laundry for a teenager? Do you pack your fifth grader's lunch? Do you tie the shoes and zip the coat of a six-year old? Do you look up phone numbers for your fourth grader? If so you could be over-functioning.Remember, the more you function, the less your child has to. 3. If you want a behavior, you have to teach a behavior. Children do not naturally know how to bring in firewood, clean the fish bowl, set the table, dry the dishes, or take their own dishes to the sink after dinner. If you don't teach behaviors, you could end up doing them all yourself. 4. Refrain from answering for your child. We recently overheard a conversation where a friend approached a parent and child and spoke to the child, asking her a direct question, "How are you doing today, Maria?" The mother responded for the child replying, "She's not in a very good mood today." The silent message the parent delivered to the child was: "You don't have to speak up for yourself. I will take care of you." When the doctor asks, "Why are you here today?" the neighbor inquires, "What was you favorite birthday present?" or grandma wants to know, "How do you like school this year?" stay out of it. Allow children to answer for themselves. 5. Teach your child to ask for help. One way to do that is to not help them until they ask. Parents often rush in with help before the child has articulated a desire for help. Why would a child ever need to ask for help if help always arrives without asking? 6.Teach children to solve their own problems. Do not say,"Don't say anything to your mother. I'll handle it for you. I know your mother well and I can catch her in a good mood." Say instead, "You're going to have to handle this with your mother. Let me teach you what I know. I generally try to catch her in the afternoon because she gets real busy in the morning. If she's having a bad hair day, forget it. Also, she responds better if you make it sound like a suggestion rather than a demand. Hopefully, these tips will help. I know you can handle it." This style of speaking announces to your child that you believe in him and that you see him as capable. 7. Refrain from rescuing children from experiencing the legitimate consequences of their actions. Do not rescue, save, bail them out, let them slide, accept excuses, or fail to hold them accountable for the choices they make. When you refuse to protect children from the choices they make, you allow them to take responsibility for their lives. Raising responsible children is not an easy task. It takes effort, energy, and persistence. You can do that best when you take steps like the ones listed above to make yourself dispensable. Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman are the co-authors of Teaching the Attraction Principle to Children: Practical Strategies for Parents and Teachers to Help Children Manifest a Better World. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for educators and another for parents. To sign up for them or to learn more about the seminars they offer teachers and parents, visit their websites today: www.thomashaller.com and www.chickmoorman.com or visit www.uncommon-parenting.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Getting A Second WindAt Romance By Emily Sue Harvey www.renewalstories.com How many of us know that male and female ways of saying "I love you"can vary as widely as grilled steak to scrambled eggs? And bothapproaches are exquisitely profound. And how many know that as theyears pass and the children marry and leave, romance can be evenhotter? Hah! You didn#146;t expect that, did you? It's true. Romance can be just as exciting after you get your secondwind. How to do that? I asked my husband, Lee, which memories of mylove offerings through the years have really stuck. At the same time,as a love exercise, I replayed those moments when his tributes to mecaused the moon and stars to glow brighter. How many of us know that itis this gender-uniqueness that gives romance sizzle and endlessdelights? The phenomenon is universal...and timeless. Despite culturaldistinctions, boiled down to man/woman affairs, romance is a deliciousgift. One that needs, from time to time, to be cultivated and nurtured. How to Get A Second Wind at Romance: Masculine Ways to Say I Love You: BE THE PROTECTOR: Nothing says to a woman "you are loved" like her man's protectivestance. He is her rescuer by taking charge when things get rough. Likecar trouble and a busted water pipe. And, in my case, helping balancethe checkbook. Lee#146;s mind is more mathematical than mine is and he's mywalking calculator (while I'm his spell checker). At other times,during tragedies and loss, his presence is like that of a goldenknight. Those strong arms and rumbling voice do magic to lift mywounded spirit. All these add up to a dynamic role: hero. BE WILLING TO CHANGE: My spouse grew up in an alcoholic home where chaos reigned. For years,he fought his demons of mistrust and anger. Because his love for me wasso strong, he sought help in conquering those demons. Throughcounseling and therapy, he emerged a man's man who knows who he is andisn't threatened by anybody or anything. A man who can submit to suchscrutiny and humility is, in my book, a real hunk. VALIDATE HER: Daily, my spouse let's me know that I'm important to him. That I am nota threat to his sense of self and masculinity. That my love offeringsto him don't go unnoticed. He thanks me for every caring gesture. Thismorning, as I went about tidying up the kitchen, he sat down at thetable and read from Proverbs 31, prefacing it with, "this is you," andwent on to extol the virtues of the virtuous woman. I grinned wheninstead of the wife sitting at her spinning wheel, he had her sittingat her 'computer.' Ahh. Modern day life. He tells me daily how"beautiful" I am and how lucky he is that I chose him. Several times aday, in fact. What woman can resist such affirmations? TOUCH OFTEN: How many of us women know that his touch is like no other? We need thatmasculine stroke, gentle yet territorial and protective. It's the onethat wakes up and finely tunes our sexuality. Makes us think "what aman!" Ahhh. Need I say more? Feminine Ways to Say I Love You: NURTURE: Surprise! Sexual overtures did not lead Lee's parade of memorablelove-gestures references. Rather, he expressed appreciation for thenurturing role I play in his life. In particular, he enjoys the nice,clean home I provide for him. So all that mundane cleaning activity isnot in vain, huh? My taking care to prepare his favorite foods giveshim pleasure, as does his always having clean clothing to wear. ENCOURAGE: I was surprised when Lee told me I played a big role in the formationof his ethics. That my encouragement and validation, through the years,helped shape his ideals. I try to daily thank him for who he is andwhat he is in my life. Too, I express my joy that he chose me. I amhumbled by the fact that this has such an impact on his life. I, too,have tried to change with time and circumstances. To be adjustable is ablessing, not only to my spouse, but to myself as well. BE HIS PARTNER: Another surprise: my taking an active role as his teammate is high onLee's accolades totem. That I stand shoulder-to-shoulder with him inlife, facing and fighting the same challenges is gratifying andsupportive to him. The financial arena is one in which teamwork andcommon goals are essential, one we work at. Each partner is equal inpower. We don't have the same strengths but somehow, mystically, in thefinal analysis and resolution, they meld and blend until we don't knowwhere one ends and the other begins. SEXUALITY AND GROOMING: Aha. Here it comes. I was delighted to know that my grooming habits hadnot gone unappreciated. My care to keep myself clean, fresh-smelling,and attractive paid great dividends. Yep. It really, really did. Itgoes hand in hand with being sexually appealing, from both mine and hisend of the romance. He, too, treasures my touch. Yes, he really, reallydoes. After all, this is the bottom line in a passionate relationship. Isn't love fantastic? Romance can be renewed all throughout life. Yes,indeed, it can. All that's needed sometimes is that second wind tospark it back to life! Emily Sue Harvey writes to make a difference. Her upbeat storieshaveappeared in dozens of anthologies including Chicken Soup for theSoul,Chocolate for Women, From Eulogy to Joy, A Father's Embrace, TrueStory, Compassionate Friends Magazine, and Woman's World . Emily Sueserved as president of Southeastern Writers Association in 2008-2009.Peter Miller's NY Literary and Film Agency represent Emily Sue. Herfirst novel, Song of Renewal, published by Story Plant, will bereleased in the spring of 2009. For more information visit www.renewalstories.com .Permission granted for use onDrLaura.com. More >>

SOUND CHANGES#153; Write Your Own Love Story By Ellen Simon, M.S., M. Ed., LPC www.imadulation.com Valentine's day is that time of the year when we think about hearts,flowers, cupids amp; mostly love. As human beings, we have a natural desire, a need to feel loved. Wecrave this feeling and look for it, even in places where it does notexist. We look for love in food and drink, in objects and activities.Yet this feeling of love originates within your heart and is mostdelightful when shared and mirrored by another. Living in the light oflove breeds confidence, strength, joy and serves as a great cushion forthe bumps and bruises of life. So how can we have more love in ourlife? We increase love when we cultivate in ourselves: The capacity and desire to be kind The capacity and desire to bring joy The capacity and desire to ease pain The capacity and desire to allow each other to be free Romantic love may bring forth images of Romeo amp; Juliet,Antony amp; Cleopatra, John amp; Yoko. And who doesn't wish for theglory of exalted love? How will you get more love on this Valentine'sDay and the days hereafter? It starts with how we treat each other,which can serve to enhance or diminish the warm tender feelings andintimacy that love creates. The images you hold in your mind can serve to fan the flames or squelchthe passion. Realizing that love is a conscious choice creates for youlife's greatest opportunity. The benefactors of this choice will beyour loved ones- your significant other, your children, parents, familyand friends, even strangers on the street can benefit from a genuinesmile and heartfelt good wishes. And you will benefit most of all. Youand only you are responsible for choosing the path of love. Start by using your creative imagination to choose loving images thathelp cultivate more loving feelings. You can just as easily choosenegative thoughts that will lead you down a very different path. Whenyou realize the power of this choice your life will change. Choose loveand use your intention to: Be Present - let go of the past let go of worry about the future Show appreciation and joy being in the presence of your beloved Demonstrate compassion and the ability to relieve suffering inthe other Let go of pride and be willing to share your feelings and ask forwhat you need Forgive and let go of past hurts. Remember and nourish the qualitiesyou appreciate and love in others rather than focus on what you do notwant or what you think is wrong. The more you think about what youappreciate and love, the more it will grow in your life. Feelinggratitude for life opens the heart to love. This Valentine's Day,rather than waiting for love to find you, may you find love waitingwithin you. Take cupid's arrow and redirect it towards your heart andenjoy a day and a lifetime of renewed hope, happiness and love. Ellen Simon is a nationally recognized expert in the field ofmind bodyhealth. Ellen's unique brands of audio programs are in use in hospitalsand health care facilities across the country. Ellen is the author ofover 25 titles. This article is adapted from Food for Thoughtreg;, a 6audio CD set www.imadulation.com .For more information visit Permission granted for use onDrLaura.com. More >>

Ten Things Your Relatives Will Be Looking For - Frantically - In An Emergency By Cliff Ennico www.creators.com "My Mom passed away just before the holidays. There are three children, and we get along really well, but we all live in different cities and none of us live near Mom. Right after the funeral, the three of us gathered at Mom's house to try to figure out how we were going to split up things, but we couldn't find a copy of her will. Heck, we couldn't find ANYTHING in the mess she left behind! After two days of trying to find important papers and valuables, we just gave up and hired an estate appraiser to go through everything and put together an inventory, which is going to cost us all a fortune. There has to be a better way. Do you know of any resources that can help? You never know just how much stuff piles up around the house until somebody dies and you have to get your hands on important papers quickly. The best will in the world won't be worth the paper it's printed on if you can't find the bloody thing. If you truly love your relatives, and want to make sure the right things happen when you die or become seriously ill, put together a list of important papers and valuables and where they are located in your house. Then, give copies of the list to one or two relatives who are organized, unemotional and likely to "take charge" after your death or serious illness. Here are 10 of the most important things that should be on that list: Your Current Will. You would be AMAZED how many people put these in their safe deposit box. This is a bad idea, because a bank won't let you have access to a relative's safe deposit box unless you can show them copies of "letters testamentary" appointing you executor of the estate. And guess what? You can't get "letters testamentary" from a probate court without a copy of your relative's will! Keep your current will somewhere in your home, and make sure the attorney who drafted it keeps a copy in her office. Also, be sure to destroy all prior wills so there is no confusion about which one is current. Insurance Policies. Especially your life and disability policies, as many of these require you to notify the insurance company within a few days of a relative's death or disability if you plan to make a claim. Also, homeowner's policies may have "schedules" listing valuables, artwork and other heirlooms. Tax Returns. These are among the first things your estate attorney will ask for when you die - try to keep your federal and state income tax returns for the past five years in one place. Bank and Brokerage Account Statements. If you bank electronically, make a list of the banks where your accounts are located, the account numbers, your computer passwords, and the name and telephone number of a contact person at the bank who knows you personally. Do the same for brokerage accounts. Be sure to include the locations of any safe deposit boxes. Retirement Accounts. Your IRA, SEP, 401(K), pension or other retirement plan account numbers should be noted, along with the name and telephone number of the bank or financial institution that serves as "trustee" of the account. Your Good Jewelry. Do you really trust a local jeweler to help your relatives figure out what's "costume" and what's not? Family Heirlooms. If you want something to go to a particular relative and haven't made a specific bequest in your will, say it in your list - if your relatives get along, they probably will honor your wishes even though they're not legally binding. Your House or Apartment Keys. Only one or two of your most trustworthy relatives should have these, or know where they are. A client once told me that when his grandmother died, one of his cousins got access to the grandmother's apartment within 48 hours of her death and removed all of her valuable antiques before most other family members even knew she had died. Because no one could prove that Grandma actually owned the antiques, the cousin got to keep them, although he isn't too popular at family gatherings nowadays. The Location of Secret Compartments in Furniture or Other "Hiding Places". Don't laugh! I inherited a fold-out desk from a maiden aunt who died in 1986, and only two months ago while cleaning it I discovered a hidden compartment containing love letters from her old boyfriends - circa 1922! Names and Telephone Numbers of . . . the attorney who drafted your current will; your accountant; your doctors (in case of sudden stroke or illness where you are unable to speak); your insurance agent; relatives and friends you wish to be notified of your death (be sure to include your profiles on any "social networking" websites); and the funeral parlor you wish to handle your remains. Cliff Ennico ( cennico@legalcareer.com )is a syndicated columnist, author and former host of the PBS televisionseries 'Money Hunt'. This column is no substitute for legal, tax orfinancial advice, which can be furnished only by a qualifiedprofessional licensed in your state. To find out more about CliffEnnico and other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit ourWeb page at www.creators.com .COPYRIGHT 2009 CLIFFORD R. ENNICO. DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS SYNDICATE,INC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

SOUND CHANGES#8482; Six Sound Strategies to Stress Less By Ellen Simon, M.S., M. Ed., LPC www.imadulation.com Stress happens in your body but starts in your mind. In addition to the perception of danger or life threatening events, there are two thinking habits that activate the stress response in the body. The first is negative attention, or focusing on what you don't want/like, rather than what is good, right or challenging in a growth producing way. The Law of Attraction will bring into your life that which you focus on and play on the movie screen of your mind. The second common habit to induce stress is an insistence and needing that things be a certain way, rather than preferring the same. Insistence on things being a certain way implies an attachment to a particular outcome, and thus sets you up for disappointment. If instead you prefer an outcome, you still identify your wishes and desires, yet this attitude contains energy of letting go. Preferring carries an element of trust in the unfolding of life and the confidence that whatever happens, you have the resources and ability to handle life. It's better to have what you need than to need what you want. The 6 strategies to stress less and enjoy life more follow: Thinking healthy - focus on what you do want rather than what you don't want, let go of insisting or clinging to a particular outcome. Where are your thoughts? Are you focusing on what is wrong? Or is your awareness on the solution or even on the blessing that if often revealed down the road? Are you turning your wants into needs? When you NEED what you WANT then you create unnecessary stress. Try shifting your needs into preferences, relaxing, breathing and looking at the big picture. Breathing - breathe in fully and completely let go of your breath. Breathing is a metaphor for life. Take it in fully and let go of what you do not need. Moving - stretch your body and keep it flexible and resilient like your mind. Awareness - maintain a consciousness of your habitual patterns. If something is not working, cease the pattern and make another choice. Communication - be assertive, state your truth with harmless intention and allow another to have a truth that may differ from yours. Respect your needs and celebrate diversity in your loved ones. Sound Sleep - crucial to managing stress and feelings of well-being. If needed, create a routine for yourself that includes a soothing and calming ritual before bed. If there is something on your mind, talk to a friend or journal - get those feelings out of your body and onto some paper or into a friend's ear! Meditation prior to bedtime can create a nice transition to sleep. A spray of lavender or nutritional supplements may be considered to support a healthy sleep. Keep in mind these six strategies as you remember that you are the choice maker. One of the few things you can choose is what thoughts you entertain and how you respond to life!! copy; 2009 by Ellen Simon www.imadulation.com. Permission to reprint if left intact. Ellen Simon is a nationally recognized expert in the field of mind body health. Ellen's unique brand of audio programs is in use in hospitals and health care facilities across the country. Author of over 25 titles this article is adapted from Food for Thought(r) a 6 audio CD set. For more information visit www.imadulation.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

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What to Do When Your Partner Has Become Your Enemy By Sharon Rivkin, M.A., M.F.T. www.thefirstargument.com Where has all the love gone that you once felt for your partner? Do you seem to fight about everything? Has your partner become your enemy? How did it happen? The process of "building a case against our partner" begins quietly and unconsciously, so we hardly notice what we're doing. The emotional battle often begins after the honeymoon phase of a relationship and reality has set in. Suddenly the one who could do no wrong, can't seem to do anything right. The one who used to make us happy is slowly becoming the enemy...someone to defend against and distrust. We're certain they're doing things just to annoy us and make us angry. We retaliate by doing things to them that get the same result. Slowly we have forgotten that we love our partner and now wonder what to do. One of the most important things to do to begin to regain the love you once had for your partner is to start giving them the benefit of the doubt, like you would a friend or even a stranger. In order to do this, remember these three things: Step out of yourself and listen to your partner. What is she/he really saying if you weren't already expecting the worst and waiting to defend yourself? Example: Your partner is upset that you've come home late and says, "Here we go again, you're late for dinner and you didn't even call me." Your first reaction is to defend yourself with excuses of why you're late. Instead, just listen to your partner...when we're busy talking, we don't really hear what our partner is trying to communicate. You may see that your partner is simply trying to tell you that she/he's hurt, and not that you're a bad person. By holding back your defenses and addressing your partner's upset, a conversation can ensue rather than a defensive arguing match. In this situation, apologizing for being late, listening, and seeing the situation from your partner's point of view would dramatically alter the dynamics of the situation. Don't take everything your partner says PERSONALLY. In other words, don't just react impulsively from JUST your emotions. Let your head help you to think about the situation and what's been said, rather than assuming your partner is trying to hurt you. To help you NOT just react from emotions (taking a remark as a personal attack), try asking yourself these simple questions: How might I respond to my partner if I did not take what she/he is saying personally? What if what she/he is saying ISN'T about me? If this was true, would I hear her/him differently? Would I respond differently? Example: Your partner's had a hard day and has been unable to talk to anyone about it. Then you walk in and start talking about your day. All of a sudden your partner is angry that you never listen. If you take a minute to THINK about the situation, without immediately reacting, you may realize that your partner did have a hard day and needs to be HEARD, not necessarily that you NEVER listen. By not reacting to your own hurt, you might be able to be there for your partner...and then they're more likely to be there for you. Again, a potential argument could transform into an intimate conversation. What if I didn't see my partner as my enemy? How would I respond if I still loved/liked my partner? How did I respond in the beginning of our relationship? Do you want to be right or do you want a resolution for the argument? Do you want a healthy relationship? The healthiest relationships are the ones where both people can be right and have the opportunity to express their feelings and be heard. It only takes one person to change the pattern of the relationship. Be that person. Stop attacking and putting your partner on the defensive. Begin with an act of kindness to yourself and your partner by giving them the benefit of the doubt. By doing so, you begin to change the pattern of your relationship from negative to positive, from attacking to understanding, from fighting to intimacy, from enemy to friend, lover, and partner. One act of kindness goes a long way, leading to a different and healthier way of communicating. Sharon M. Rivkin, Marriage and Family Therapist, and author of The First Argument: Cutting to the Root of Intimate Conflict , has worked with couples for 27 years. Her unique insight into the first argument was featured in O: The Oprah Magazine and Reader's Digest , and has attracted people throughout the United States and abroad for consultation, workshops, and courses. For more information on Sharon Rivkin and her book, or to contact her, visit www.sharonrivkin.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Four Ways to Keep Family Harmony By Emily Sue Harvey www.renewalstories.com History itself affirms that the family is the foundation of society. It is the glue that holds together civilization itself. Block by block, it builds nations. But the most important place for family is inside each of us; it is who we are. We're living in days when the traditional family is challenged to the hilt. More than ever, parenting and nurturing roles are important and necessary. Like an orchestra, each family member is an instrument, with notes that blend the unit. Four Ways to Stay in Family-Tune 1. Fill Your Place My father's sudden, accidental death drove this home to me. My biological mother died when I was ten. My wonderful stepmother, my other "Mom," was my surrogate parent from the tender age of eleven. Years later, when Dad died, the earth was yanked from beneath me. I wasn't certain, in those hours, who I was exactly, with 2 full siblings and three half-siblings. Oh, we'd never even used the 'half' term. We're extremely close. But was Dad, father to us all, after all, the glue? In my initial shocked state, the family unit felt shattered. But hours later, when I entered Mom's house (not Dad's anymore) I heard her call, "Susie," her voice soothing as she sailed like a porpoise and gathered me into her arms. "I'm sorry about Daddy. He's with your Mama now," she whispered, tears in her eyes. I was aghast at her selflessness in that moment. And my place in the family galvanized. I've seen family members vacate that space because some sibling, parent, or relative offended them. They were willing to abdicate their rightful position in the orchestra, creating dissonance and frailty of tone. The perception is yours. And only you can take your place. The orchestra is not quite right, a bit hollow, without you there playing your notes. 2. Play the Right Notes We all hit sour notes in our families. All of us miss opportunities to keep the family harmony solid. One way to do that is to simply 'be there' for each other. I'll never forget failing in that role. While in my teens, with a new boyfriend, my little sister asked me to please ask Lee, my beau, go get some toothache drops. His was the only car available at the moment. Her tooth hurt. Living in a rural area with no corner seven-eleven or pharmacy, I dropped the ball, not willing to ask Lee to aid in the problem. Looking back, I see that he would have gladly done so but at that time my insecurity prevailed. Later in the evening, an aunt came by, saw Patsy's problem and immediately drove to a neighbor's, borrowed the merciful pain reliever and administered first aid to my relieved sister. For years, I carried guilt. I've since tried to remedy that lapse. But it was a hard lesson learned about just being there. 3. Re-Tune Forgive the out-of-tune times. Patsy, my above-mentioned sister, married a Baptist minister. Years after my unconscionable lapse of mercy, she invited me to a "special service" at their little country church. Turned out the service was to honor those SPECIAL ONES in folks' lives. Patsy stood and began speaking. "I want to honor my sister, Susie, today. She's always been there for me. Always." She went on extolling virtues I was supposed to possess. Each word made me feel more despicable, like slithering through the floor cracks. Smiling, she presented me with the certificate bearing my name. Later, after service, I apologized again for that long ago night when she had a toothache. She looked puzzled. "I don't remember," she said, shrugging. "But I'll forgive you anyway. I only remember what a great sister you were, always validating and nurturing me." She didn't remember. I was forgiven. Wow. I felt renewed inside and out. It was re-tuning time! 4. It's Not All About Me Family is the ultimate, universal orchestra. Family is teamwork at its quintessential best. One reason it's so effective is that it's propelled by love. So why do families erupt into chaotic dissonance? It usually starts with a "what about me?" attitude. Granted, we're more relaxed with family, more prone to just let 'er rip with the let's play fair, now! And that's okay. We do, to a great degree, police each other within the family unit, do a regular power check and balance. It's when one or more members refuse to let go of the' what about me?'... long enough to do family/team negotiation. The scratchy dissonance grows in direct proportion to the self-absorption, the my way or the highway mentality. My mother's recent death required our six siblings to perform like the Boston Pops Orchestra regarding the proceedings of the probate, will, organization of estate sale, the actual estate sale, and distribution of the estate. Two sisters were more able to do the organizing. One, because of health problems, was not able to assist. Two brothers helped with the heavy lifting during organization and estate sale. One brother lived too far away to participate. And guess what? It was okay that four did most of the work. Unconditional love and teamwork made the entire process sound like the Hundred and One Strings Orchestra playing Debussy's Claire De Lune! So, tune up your love and take your place in the family band. Make music to the renewal of mind, spirit, and body! Emily Sue Harvey writes to make a difference. Her upbeat stories have appeared in dozens of anthologies including Chicken Soup for the Soul, Chocolate for Women, From Eulogy to Joy, A Father's Embrace, True Story, Compassionate Friends Magazine, and Woman's World . Emily Sue served as president of Southeastern Writers Association in 2008-2009. Peter Miller's NY Literary and Film Agency represent Emily Sue. Her first novel, Song of Renewal , published by Story Plant, will be released in the spring of 2009. For more information visit www.renewalstories.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Give Presence NotPresents By Thomas Haller and ChickMoorman www.personalpowerpress.com The holiday season is fast approaching and many parents are concernedabout the family financial situation and the money problems they may beexperiencing? As if rising food prices, stock market instability andskyrocketing health care costs weren#146;t enough, parents now have theadded concern of finding available money to put a few presents underthe Christmas tree or share a gift during the family's Hanukkahcelebrations. The giving of gifts is an honored tradition in most homes during theholiday season. Many parents are wondering what they will give thisyear as they tighten the money belt and attempt to weather thefinancial storm through the holiday. Perhaps the answer lies in the gifts that are given. Give children whatthey really want from their parents, presence not presents. Allchildren spell love T-I-M-E. What we can give to them is our attention,our availability, our mindfulness, our closeness, our time. Are you being fully present with your children? Can you let go of yourworry about money and the giving of gifts? Can you suspend your agendato focus on theirs? Can you learn to be there for and with yourchildren? Consider the following suggestions as a way to give the most importantpresent, your presence this holiday season. Be there regardless of what you are doing. The holiday seasonrequires an added measure of balancing kid's schedules, workresponsibilities, visiting family, cooking elaborate meals as well asregular requirements of keeping up with the laundry, etc.. When feelingpulled in several directions many parents turn to multi-tasking. We'resuggesting that you avoid the urge to multi-task and strive to stayfocused on the moment at hand. When you sit with your children, whetherit#146;s to play a game or read a book, give them your undivided attention. Make a "Be" choice. How you choose to "be" affects whatever youchoose to do. When you are with your children choose to be interestedin what they are interested in. Choose to be happy that you have thetime to focus on their needs and wants. Choose to be excited about thetime you have with them. Even when misbehavior occurs in your children,choose to be glad that you have the opportunity to help them learn anew behavior or a new way to communicate a desire or express a feeling. Focus on listening rather than telling. Children spend a greatportion of their day following directions such as, pick up yourclothes, make your bed, sit down, be quiet, go play, chew with yourmouth closed, stop picking on your brother, hang up your coat, brushyour teeth. The list of commands seem unending. Remember, children havevaluable things to say too. Many times parents get so focused ontelling that they forget to listen. Value your children#146;s opinion.Allow opportunities to vent. Embrace their point of view. Invitesuggestions. Listen to their voice. Connect physically. Touch is a powerful way to communicate "Ilove you." Get close and touch your children#146;s heart with a warmembrace or a gentle squeeze of the shoulder. Snuggle under a blanketand read together. Go for a walk and lock hands. Wrestle on the livingroom floor. Distribute hugs, smiles, winks and an occasional high five. Connect emotionally. Feelings are always more important thanthings. Create an environment where it is safe to be emotional.Encourage the expression of feelings. Allow your feelings to extend toyour children as you share traditions, reflect on holidays past andgather as a family. Have empathy, compassion and understanding. Unplug from the electronic world. The television, computer,video games, and ipods have the potential to create a disconnect frompersonal interaction. Unplug, turn it off, and walk away. While ridingin the car unplug the headphones, turn off the DVD player and tell yourchildren a story about the day they were born or about a favoriteholiday memory. Shut down the computer, turn off the x-box and play agame of chess, checkers or monopoly together. Stand up, walk away fromthe TV and go shoot baskets, skip rope, or ride bikes with your child. Play by the kid's rules. Play with your children at theirlevel. Build mud pies, jump in rain puddles, roll down a hill, sprayshaving cream on the kitchen table and join in the creation of artisticdesigns. Cover the driveway in sidewalk chalk. Let your children takethe lead and change the rules of a game if they want. Know that play,no matter how childish or silly it may appear, is an investment inconnecting with your children. Play regularly and remember the reasonfor play is to play, not to win. Make a commitment this holiday season to give the best gift you cangive by being present in your child's life. Be active and interactiveon a daily basis with your children. Be the parent you were called tobe. Give your presence. Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of The 10Commitments:Parenting with Purpose . They are two of the world's foremostauthorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. Theypublish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or toobtain more information about how they can help you or your group meetyour parenting needs, visit their website today: www.personalpowerpress.com .Permission granted for useon DrLaura.com. More >>