Six Tips for Less-Stress Parenting By Paula Statman, M.S.S.W. www.kidwisecorner.com . Nobody ever said parenting was easy, but here are some practical tips for how to worry less and enjoy parenting more. Find a pediatrician you like. In many ways, your pediatrician is like a partner. In fact, some women say that during the first couple of years, they talked to their pediatrician more than their husbands! Choose a pediatrician who offers practical advice and knows how to listen. Remember, there are no dumb questions when it's about your child. Also, it is a good idea to interview several pediatricians and choose the one that best matches your childcare philosophies. Incorporate time-saving products and services into your daily routine, when you can. Without a doubt, parenting is one of the richest and most satisfying roles we play. It is also filled with repetitive, routine tasks that can zap our best energy. There has been an explosion of modern conveniences designed to save you time and sanity. For example, tear-free shampoos can help avoid bath-time battles; home-cooked meal delivery services ensure a nutritious dinner on the table. Of course, some of these luxuries may not fit in your budget, but decide where it makes sense to invest a little money to gain some time to do things that matter to you. Who said busy moms can't read a book, take a long leisurely bath, or go to a yoga class? Balance each day to include something you enjoy. Time saving tools can help. Plan ahead for tomorrow. To make your morning less hectic, spend a few minutes at night making tomorrow's bottles and cups, picking out clothes, packing an "on the go" bag, etc. Make a to-do list so you don't forget important errands. All children, even younger ones, can participate in this routine. In the course of managing your time well, you are teaching them valuable skills such as planning ahead, organizing, and problem solving. Establish a predictable night-time routine and create comforting rituals. Reading, singing or a warm bath at the same time each night will help your child understand it is time to go to sleep. Let your child use a safe comfort object to provide security. Keep an "open door" policy to make your child feel connected to you at night. The cuddling and intimacy of your evening routine will help your child say good bye until morning as well as create precious memories for you. With older children past the "read-me-a-story" stage, take a few minutes to relax with them. Most importantly, before you leave their room, tell them how much you love them and how glad you are that they are yours...no matter what kind of day it's been. Avoid power struggles. Children don't want to interrupt their playtime to do something we care about, like putting toys away. Help your child cooperate with you by easing into transitions with plenty of notice, by allowing them to make choices ("Do you want to put this sock on first or the other one?") and by turning routine tasks like getting dressed into games and contests. You may not want to see the world through your child's eyes when you are in a hurry. But, that extra minute you invest can mean the difference between a temper tantrum and a hug. Play is a powerful antidote to stress. I always say, "Where there is flexibility and forgiveness, fun's not far behind." Forgive yourself for the unfolded baskets of laundry and the leftovers for dinner. Design flexible schedules for yourself and don't let your to-do lists push you around. Parenting offers wonderful opportunities to rediscover and enjoy the child within you. Playing and laughing with your children not only deepens your relationship with them, it lightens your load and reduces your stress. Paula Statman, M.S.S.W. is an internationally respected educator, speaker and award-winning author. Her practical, positive approach to raising safe and strong children has benefited hundreds of thousands of parents. Paula is a repeat guest on Oprah and the Today Show , has appeared on over 200 radio and television programs, and is featured in publications such as Parents, Child, Redbook , and USA Today.com. The founder and director KidWISE Institute, Paula lives in Oakland, California with her husband and daughter. For more information visit www.kidwisecorner.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Are Homework Expectations Realistic For Our Children? By Sally Sacks www.sallysacks.com I become increasingly concerned when I see the expectations being forced upon kids nowadays. It seems that so many kids are cutting themselves, a newer form of stress reduction, and engaging in other escapist, avoidant behaviors to dodge the pressure cooker they live in every day called school. Teachers are pressured by state requirements, they, in turn, pressure the kids, and the parents become pressured by the teacher and the school's expectations. Sometimes the expectations are over the top, and your job as a parent is to realize when that is happening and when the expectations are reasonable. So many kids tell me that if they miss a day or two of school, they are so far behind, that they say, "Why bother," and subsequently get a poor grade. Kids get sick, and they should feel that they can take the time they need to get well. Many parents are worried, even at the fourth grade level when homework isn't done and grades are not A's and B's. If the child isn't motivated to come home after school and begin two hours of homework, they are worried they have a slacker, a lazy kid. I work eight plus hours a day and I don't usually come home looking for more work to do. Let's put things into perspective. Children need to know that they have to do homework to make it through school, and most kids, unless they have serious academic limitations or other learning issues, will attempt to do it. If they downright refuse to do any homework, even a reasonable amount, then you have another problem that needs addressing. Maybe they really don't understand the work, and aren't telling you. Maybe they need a different school. Maybe there are emotional issues to be examined. Let them pick a time that's best for them, and you help them structure that time. If they get restless, and need a break, let them take a break. As long as they return to it, that isn't a problem. It is important for parents to admit that most young kids don't love homework and think of creative ideas to help them through it. Here is what not to do in helping your child with homework: Don't ask them to do homework as soon as they get off the bus. Don't assume that they aren't overwhelmed by the amount, and are just lazy. Understand that most kids don't love homework Don't compare them to others and push them with your own anxiety Many successful people in life didn't love homework Keep in mind your child's age and motivation to get homework done Don't overlook the strengths of a kid who doesn't think certain things are necessary to learn. That may be true. That kid may have many independent strengths! Don't forget to help them when you can. They need support. Some of the work is very difficult Don't forget what being young was like for you. What To Do To Help Kids With Homework: Do help them find a time that works for them to do it. If they are having trouble with it, troubleshoot as to why. Ask questions. Do help them find solutions, and acknowledge their negative feelings or difficulty. Spend time with them when you can, showing enthusiasm toward their subject. Expect rebellion and procrastination. It will happen. Keep calm about their consequences if they can't get it done. They will eventually learn how to handle this. If you push too hard, you will get your children to lie about doing it. Show calm when they are filled with anxiety. Hire a tutor if they need more support. Love them and believe in them, even when they are not doing what you feel they should be to get ahead. Sally Sacks, M.Ed is a licensed psychotherapist, with 20 years of experience, counseling individuals, children, families and couples. Sally is the author of How to Raise the Next President , a groundbreaking parents' guide to teaching and instilling in their kids the qualities they'll need to be happy, successful and productive, no matter which path they choose in life. Sally offers personal and group coaching and can be reached through her website at www.sallysacks.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com More >>

Love is Good Insurance By Paula Statman www.kidwisecorner.com Love is not only a wonderful gift to give your children. It's good insurance. Here's why: showing your love helps keep them safe. It tells them they are worthy of love and respect and shapes their expectations of how others should treat them. For example, a child who feels loved will be less likely to look for love in the wrong places...from the wrong people. It's a documented fact that kids who feel loved don't accept affection from just anyone who offers it; they accept it from those who respect them and their personal boundaries. Kids who have an unwavering belief that they are loveable and worthwhile know they don't have to "earn" someone's love by doing something they don't want to do. On the other hand, kids who are hungry for affection are more likely to believe that they don't deserve to be loved and that love has a price tag. So, telling our kids we love them every single day -including those days when we question why we became parents - is good insurance. It makes our kids less vulnerable to being exploited. It shows them that they are treasured and worth treasuring. It makes them feel cherished and special. And that's how we want them to feel when they go out in to the world. Here are some examples of how to express your love and appreciation anytime, anywhere. Things you can say : I love you. I am so lucky that you are mine. I'm so proud of you. You are very special to me. I love spending time with you. Things you can do : Show your pleasure in being you son's or daughter's parent. Let your child know that parenting is something you enjoy, not a dreary chore that exhausts you. This means taking good care of yourself so that you have enough to give. It also means finding good support, so that you don't become resentful about your responsibilities as a parent. Learn about your child. Nothing is more validating for a child than having a parent who understands him. You are an important observer of your child's behavior and the key person to help him deal with his questions and concerns. This might mean that you take parenting classes, so that you become "fluent" in your child and learn how to guide and support him. Appreciate their special qualities. This doesn't necessarily refer to artistic or athletic ability. It also includes personality traits that make them good human beings, like kindness, intelligence or compassion for others. Appreciate what is within your child as well as what can be seen by the world. Care about and get involved with their interests, whether it's school, baseball, ballet or any other activity. The more they see your interest, the better they feel about themselves. Ask for time off work to attend events. Say 'yes' to volunteering. Show up in your kids' lives as their number one fan! Take time to listen to your child, wholeheartedly without distraction. Being listened to and understood is something all children seek. It is also what sexual predators use to find their next victim; they look for children who feel lonely or misunderstood or believe they have no one to talk to. Posing as a special, caring friend, who is interested in every word the child has to say, they fill a gap in the child's life that is often left by a parent. Make sure that you are a person your child comes to, who listens, understands, and believes him or her. Giving your child this kind of attention is worth its weight in gold. Invite him/her to spend time with you, just the two of you. Make a date, schedule it and don't postpone it due to work or some other demand in your life. Make time with your child a regular thing, rather than a special occurrence. Time invested now will bring major returns in the long run. Celebrate your child. Look for creative ways to send the message that you feel like the luckiest parent in the world. Make a big deal of your kid, without spending a ton of money. Have a party "just because" or as a surprise, create a day devoted to your child's whims and wishes. It can be as simple as putting a loving note in their backpack: "I'm thinking about you and can't wait to hear about your day!" Expressing love and affection this way can take unlimited forms. The key is to find fun ways to share joy and laughter in your relationship and show how much you appreciate and cherish your child. Paula Statman, M.S.S.W. is an internationally respected educator, speaker and award-winning author. Her practical, positive approach to raising safe and strong children has benefited hundreds of thousands of parents. Paula is a repeat guest on Oprah and the Today Show , has appeared on over 200 radio and television programs, and is featured in publications such as Parents, Child, Redbook , and USA Today.com. The founder and director KidWISE Institute, Paula lives in Oakland, California with her husband and daughter. Visit www.kidwisecorner.com for more information. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

How Is Your Child "Smart?" By Rae Pica www.movingandlearning.com Helping a child to utilize his own special strengths and skills may mean looking beyond what the policy makers and society typically consider "smart." Or as developmental psychologist Howard Gardner has put it, you shouldn't be trying to determine how smart a child is; rather, you should be trying to determine how a child is smart. Gardner wrote an influential book called Frames of Mind: The Theory of Multiple Intelligences . In it, he contends that intelligence isn't a singular entity that can be measured only with paper and pencil. Rather, he says, we each possess many different kinds of intelligence, in various combinations and to varying degrees. To date, he has recognized nine different intelligences, all of which he's identified through a rigorous scientific process. For our purposes, though, the important point is that Gardner describes an intelligence as the "ability to find and solve problems and create products of value in one's own culture." Although Gardner intended his work for the field of developmental psychology alone, an interesting phenomenon happened: educators pounced on the idea. Why? Because for generations they've witnessed multiple intelligences in the children with whom they've worked. Although our society most values the linguistic ("word-smart") and logical-mathematical ("number-smart"/reasoning) intelligences -- the two intelligences measured by IQ and other standardized tests -- teachers could see that many of their students had other gifts, other ways of "learning and knowing." In addition to the linguistic and logical/mathematical intelligences, Gardner has identified the visual/spatial (an understanding of how things orient in space), naturalist (determines sensitivity to one's environment), existentialist (belonging to people who question why they exist), interpersonal (the ability to relate well to others), intrapersonal (knowing oneself well), musical (a fascination with sound and the patterns created by sound), and bodily/kinesthetic (the ability to solve problems or create with the body or body parts). It's important to remember that each of us possesses all of these intelligences but, as mentioned, to varying degrees and in different combinations. A surgeon, for example, has highly developed logical/mathematical and bodily/kinesthetic intelligences; the former incorporates the scientific aspect and the latter the meticulous use of the hands. Where do your child's strengths lie? Does your son love to putter in the garden with you? He may be strong in the naturalist intelligence. Does your daughter create art everywhere, using everything from building blocks to mashed potatoes? Her greatest strength may lie in the visual/spatial intelligence. Is your child constantly dancing, indicating a developing bodily/kinesthetic intelligence, with some musical intelligence thrown into the mix? When you're tuned in to a child's passions, skills, or intelligences -- whatever we may call them --you can support their development and offer the child encouragement. Biology will certainly have played a role in her interests and strengths, but the mainstream culture and the home culture are also influences. And since the mainstream culture -- society and the school system -- focuses on only two intelligences, you can help provide some balance in a child's life. This will be especially important if her strengths don't happen to lie within the linguistic or logical/mathematical intelligences. As Gardner and his followers point out, it's difficult to identify special skills when we don't introduce young people to a variety of experiences. When the focus of schooling is on so few subjects, how is a child to discover passions that lie beyond such narrow boundaries? How is a child to unearth a love of landscape design, note a talent for composing, or cook up a desire to be a chef if his experiences have been limited to grammar, numbers, and technology? One other point of which you should be aware: a child will use different intelligences for different tasks. For example, if she makes up a poem to help her remember historical dates, she's using her linguistic intelligence. If she makes up a song, she's using her musical intelligence. If you ask her to find a way to fit all of the toys back on their shelves, she'll have to call on her visual/spatial intelligence. And if she has to add by counting on her fingers, she's using her bodily/kinesthetic intelligence to get the job done. That's why it's important to give her a chance to further cultivate all of the intelligences. Opportunities to dabble and play can provide that chance. At the preschool and elementary school ages, follow the child's lead, but don't get too invested in any one particular pastime. You certainly don't want to decide the rest of his life based on what you see in the earliest years. Children -- and their interests and skills -- evolve. And when he eventually discovers skills in many areas, as he's likely to do, he'll be able to make his own choices about his passions. That's why, whether we're talking about predominant intelligences, school grades, or the results of standardized tests, it's important to refrain from putting any labels on a little one. Instead, just know that the real standards for "smart" aren't found in school grades and test scores. Rae Pica is a children's physical activity specialist and the author of A Running Start: How Play, Physical Activity, and Free Time Create a Successful Child (Marlowe Co., 2006). She has shared her expertise with such clients as the Sesame Street Research Department, the Centers for Disease Control, Gymboree Play Music, and the President's Council on Physical Fitness Sports. You can visit Rae at www.movingandlearning.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Is Your Breast Cancer Going Undiagnosed? By Mike Esposito Breast Cancer strikes one in nine women in America and is a leading cause for morbidity and mortality. The gold standard for detecting breast cancer has been mammography and breast physical exam. The combination is very effective in detecting breast masses in most patients. However, in some women breast physical exam and mammography miss cancers. The lack of sensitivity of these traditional methods of detection is often due to the dense or nodular breast tissue. The dense breast obscure early cancers on mammography and nodular breast make it difficult to find a small cancer amid other benign lumps in the breast. Most breast cancers occur in women without a family history of breast cancer or in women without a genetic predisposition for cancer to occur. However, some women have known genetic makers which make them likely to develop breast cancer. These patients' cancers occur at a younger age and their cancers tend to be more aggressive. Aggressive cancers are faster growing and more malignant than normal making them harder to cure. These cancers need to be detected earlier to allow a better chance for cure. Mammography and breast physical exam may not detect cancer soon enough in these women to prevent them from presenting at a late stage. There is a modality and an exam available for years which has recently has gained much attention due to its great sensitivity for detecting early breast cancer. MRI of the breast is the most sensitive for detecting cancer before any other modality. The test can identify malignancies in even the densest breasts and can localize early cancers in patients with a strong family history or a genetic predisposition. The test is now considered essential in these patients or in any patient considered high risk. The downside of using MRI to detect breast cancer is that it can be too sensitive. The exam detects most things mammography does (with the exception of micro-calcifications) and much more. MRI finds so many suspicious lesions that many more biopsies have to be performed to exclude cancer. There are many benign lesions which would not have been seen or biopsied without MRI. These 'unnecessary' biopsies are acceptable to most women who have an elevated risk of developing cancer. The drawback is mainly financial. The costs for screening the millions of women each year that would need a breast MRI are great. The exam costs about one to two thousand dollars depending on where you live and what type of insurance you carry. It is about ten to twenty times the cost of a screening mammogram. Also, the biopsies which are performed because of the MRI findings have high costs associated with them too. They can range from a few hundred dollars for a simple biopsy to thousands of dollars for an open, surgical biopsy. Remember, these masses that are biopsied are often benign. The cost benefit ratio or the efficacy for breast MRI has determined and the test is warranted in any woman with risk factors described above. The test can lead to early detection and cure. Without it we will be losing lives which shouldn't be lost. Mike Esposito graduated with BS from University of Florida. Mike continued his Graduate Education in Nuclear engineering. He then entered Medical school at the University of South Florida. He then completed a four year radiology residency at USF and a subsequent fellowship in Neuroradiology at Duke University. Mike now is in private practice radiology in the Tampa area. He is married to wife, Kay with whom he has four children. For more information please visit www.mikeespositomd.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Back to School Brain Boosters By Kymythy R. Schultze, C.N. www.kymythy.com When your child's verbal loop switches from "I'm bored, there's nothing to do" to "I don't wanna go to school!" you know the time has come to do your parental duty and properly prepare them for another academic year. You'll buy them notebooks, backpacks, pencils and books. But, are you also putting every effort into insuring that their brain is fully charged? A child with good brain health has the opportunity to be more successful in their schoolwork, and that translates to a better school year for both of you. There are many factors that affect brain health, and in this article we'll focus on a few things you can do to make a positive difference in your child's learning and memory function. Fortunately, there are safe, natural substances that you can use to help fight brain cell damage and increase cognitive function. One of the most readily available compounds are antioxidants. Consuming plenty of these nutrients provides your child's brain with powerful tools for good health. The best sources of antioxidants are found in fresh vegetables. Wait! Don't give up just because we're using the "V-word" with regard to your child. There are creative ways to convince kids that veggies actually taste good. Experiment with recipes and types of vegetables to find ones that your child will readily eat. And let them in on the "secret superheroes" that veggies contain. Don't just say they have to eat them because they're good for them. Give them a short, kid-friendly version about the special nutrients found in vegetables that will help make them Super Smart! You know your child best, so if making a home science experiment with veggies stimulates them to indulge - go for it! Protein is brain-food at its finest! Amino acids are the building blocks of protein and there are eight essential to health. Animal sources of protein such as meat, fish, poultry, and eggs supply all eight of the essential amino acids. Many of the brain's neurotransmitters are made from amino acids, so if your child doesn't consume enough quality protein, brain function and mood are affected. Protein supports energy and nutrient needs, plus it's very good at satisfying hunger. And that's a good thing because a hungry child is a grumpy child that lacks focus and concentration. Including ample protein in your child's breakfast is a great way to start the day. Another supplement for brain health that has many exciting studies behind its use is fish oil omega-3 fatty acids. The brain is approximately 60 percent fat and most of that is comprised of DHA and AA fatty acids. AA is found in animal products such as meat, fish, eggs and poultry. DHA is found in cod-liver oil and fish body oils. Studies prove that adequate amounts of DHA are vital to learning, memory, and other brain functions. DHA is probably one of the most important supplements you can add to your child's diet. And don't despair; supplements have come a long way from our Grandmother's fishy cod-liver days! There are now fish oils that are deliciously flavored. Because cod-liver oil contains fat-soluble vitamins A and D, it's best given during the winter when there's less sunlight (and thus less vitamin D). During the rest of year, use a good quality flavored fish body oil. Give according to the directions on the bottle. Carlson brand makes both cod-liver and fish body oils that are good enough to pass most kid taste-tests. And remember to tell them about how this supplement helps them have a Super Brain. Every kid likes to have some type of super power! One more thing you can do to support your child's brain health is to make sure they get enough exercise. Studies in the U.S. and Japan prove that exercise improves memory and other mental skills. In the studies, people who received adequate exercise scored better on tests and completed them faster than people that did not exercise. So, get your child moving daily. If they're young enough to appreciate it, tie a dashing cape on them, and let them exercise by zooming around and enjoying their Super Brain super power! About the author: Kymythy Schultze is a Clinical Nutritionist (C.N.) and has been a trailblazer in the field of nutrition for nearly two decades. Her best-selling books include "The Natural Nutrition No-Cook Book" which contains delicious and healthy kid-friendly recipes and "Natural Nutrition for Dogs and Cats". Both are published by Hay House, Inc. Visit Kymythy's website at www.kymythy.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Bullying Our Kids in Our Homes: Welcome to Cyber-Bullying By Derek Randel www.stoppingschoolviolence.com Last night Tom's daughter, Sue, came out of her room and said, "I got another one of those instant messages. It says, 'tomorrow you had better not show up at school or else'." She has been getting messages frequently. The result of this is that she no longer likes to turn her computer on. Sue is 14 years old and in the 8th grade. She has been bullied at school for a number of years and she has had a difficult time getting the Principal and teachers to end it. Sue has two disadvantages that make her a target. First, she has always had a weight problem, not extremely heavy but overweight. Second, her last name is hard to pronounce. This has led to numerous ways to say and spell her name. Others have been very creative and cruel. Tom is aware that she needs to lose weight but what can he do about his last name....change it? This should come as no surprise to anyone, but as technology changes so do the bullies. Bullying has gone wireless. These are situations our children face that we never did. How does this happen? The Internet, cell phones with text messaging, instant messaging, camera phones and e-mail are the bullies' new tools. This is coming to a school near you if it hasn't already. The concerns involving cyber-bullying include: Cyber-bullying can be much more damaging psychologically and can be much more intense. It creates a barrier between the bully and the victim. This makes anyone who normally wouldn't be a bully now becomes a potential bully because there is no face-to-face contact. Smaller students have found a way to bully. It is very difficult to catch the bully. When one is suspected or caught his or her defense is that it was someone else impersonating them or someone used my password. Camera phones are making cyber-bullying more creative. They take a student's picture and then they manipulate the photo. Then it is posted on a website, e-mailed out, or posted on you-tube. Imagine getting an e-mail of a nude individual with your face attached to it, and you're only a teenager. Parents must be aware Many kids, including Sue, do not want to report this problem to their parents for fear of how their parents may react. Many believe their parents will take away their cell phone, computer, or Internet access. This is an obvious solution to stopping the messages. Sue feels harassed by the bully and then punished by her parents when her equipment is removed. This is a double punishment for her. Parents should strongly consider removing an Internet connection from a child's bedroom. Internet connections need to be in a central location. SOLUTIONS - Ask questions and act as if you're unfamiliar with the topic. For example, have you heard of anyone receiving improper messages on their phone? Does anyone use their camera phones for taking pictures of others who don't want their picture taken? Also, everything must be documented. Text Messaging shy; When Sue receives an obscene message, threat, or abusive message on her phone we want to teach her to not respond. Your wireless provider should be notified. Chat-rooms and Instant Messaging shy; She should never give out personal information. She should not share her password. If Sue receives inappropriate messages, have her disconnect or block the sender. She should not respond to inappropriate messages. We do not want a dialogue to begin. She should avoid giving out the name of her school. No child should ever agree to meet anyone from a chat-room. That 17 year-old stud just may be a 53 year-old bald man with a potbelly. E-Mail shy; Once again, when Sue is sent an inappropriate email, she should not respond. Go to the source button to find out information on tracking where it was sent from. If it was sent from someone at school, then print the e-mail to use as proof. Sue's parents can contact the school or their service provider to see what options are available. If there are threats involved, then contacting the police is always an option. Look into e-mail filters, creating folders for these e-mails, and spam software to block them. Whatever you choose, it will never be 100% perfect in blocking unwanted e-mails. Filters do not block cyber-bullying messages. Handling the topic of cyber-bullying with your child before it becomes a problem will make it easier when and if it becomes a problem. Your child needs your guidance and ignoring this issue does not help or support anyone who is a victim of cyber-bullying. Derek Randel is a parent coach who speaks nationally on how to remove the yelling from your home and how to protect your child/student from bullying and school violence. Derek has been seen on many television shows and is heard on radio shows around the country. He shares his years of experience as a high school and middle school educator and was nominated for a Disney American Teacher Award. He also is a certified stepfamily coach through the Step-Family Foundation. For more information visit www.stoppingschoolviolence.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Connecting with Your Kids: Navigating the Terrific, Turbulent Tween Years By Dr. Laura Markham www.yourparentingsolutions.com Tweens are emerging teens, but they're still children. They'll astonish you with their ability to conceptualize, to argue brilliantly, and then to do foolish things. The biggest danger for tweens is losing the connection to parents while struggling to find their place and connect in their peer world. The biggest danger for parents is trying to parent through power instead of through relationship, thus eroding their bond and losing their influence on their teen. Parenting tweens is a challenge because hormones kick in as puberty approaches, and because the pressures of the peer group magnify. Many moms and dads react to their tween's moodiness, focus outside the family, increasing independence and maturing physical body by distancing somewhat from their child. But tweens need to feel they have a secure nest as they launch themselves into the exciting but scary world. Kids who feel disconnected from their parents lose their anchor and look for it in their peer group. Fiercely maintain a strong bond with your child, even while you encourage age-appropriate freedom. How? Stay connected by having dinner together every night, or as often as possible. Kids who have dinner with their parents do better in school, and are less prone to problems, from drugs and alcohol use to depression. Check in with your tween every single day with private time together; many parents find that 15 minutes at bedtime is most intimate. Schedule regular alone-time with each parent, such as monthly brunch with Dad or weekly walks with Mom. Don't expect your son or daughter to invite closeness or volunteer vulnerable emotions at each interaction, or when you expect it. But if you set up enough regular opportunities to be together, it will happen. To reduce rebelliousness, recognize and work with your tween's need for independence. Be aware that we often compensate for feeling less powerful as parents by becoming overprotective. Instead of breathing down his neck, agree on and enforce reasonable limits (no phone calls during dinner after 9pm, no online chatting or TV until homework is finished); be sure to offer empathy when they hate your limits. Re-think your previous ideas about discipline. Power-based punishment strategies such as punishment/consequences will stop working as soon as your child feels like challenging them. You never win a power struggle with your child. The only leverage we really have with our tweens and teens is their love for us, which becomes a more potent motivator over time. That means the best way to get your tween to behave is to maintain a strong bond with him. Don't underestimate hormones. Your child's body is changing, creating mood swings, distractibility, competitiveness, and preoccupation with the opposite sex. It can be hard for kids to focus on much else, and tweens can even find themselves in a full-blown tantrum. Kindly tell your tantrumming teen that you see how upset they are and you want to give them time to pull themselves together before you discuss it; then leave the room. They don't understand their moods any more than you do right now. Later, give them a big hug, explain that you know they're still learning to manage their new hormones, but that of course they know you can't reward such behavior by giving in to whatever prompted it. Don't take it personally! When your tween yells at you to drop dead, don't over-react. When they hurt your feelings and you're tempted to withdraw, take a deep breath and stand your ground calmly. That doesn't mean you don't calmly demand civility, and it doesn't mean you can't use strategic withdrawals as a chance to regroup, but that you continue to reinforce your love for your child. Your best way to get your tween to act respectfully towards you is to extend respect to her, and to calmly insist on it in return. The tween years are the perfect time to teach values, which is best done not by lecturing, but by asking questions. To get your child talking, become a brilliant listener, empathizer, and question asker. Tweens are usually curious about your own early years, those can be great opportunities to reassure them that even their parents were insecure, as all tweens are. It's also an opportunity to teach; don't be afraid to share real life examples of teens who died from drinking and driving, or became addicted to drugs. It's best, though, if your own stories set a positive, rather than negative example. Be aware that the more popular culture your child is exposed to, the more risk she runs of drug and alcohol use, depression and teen pregnancy. Tweens want to grow up, so naturally they ape adult popular culture. Yes, they have to fit in with their friends, but they count on their parents to keep them safe and set limits. They aren't ready for the attention they get when they wear revealing fashions or sing that inappropriate song at the recital. They need you to enforce strict rules regarding internet use and what movies are appropriate. Tweens want and need your guidance, even if they can't show it. Tweens are actively shaping their identity. Support their experimenting and exploring, even when they're into a new fad every few weeks. Don't comment on their fashions as long as all body parts are covered, and keep an open mind about their music. Especially support the deep passions into which they really pour themselves; those are protective during the teen years. Stay involved with your teen's school, offering help as necessary in developing time management skills, insuring that homework gets done and big projects are worked on over time. Be aware that how hard your tween works at school will depend on whether his peers do, and try to have him attend a school where the kids consider good grades cool. Maintaining high expectations and insuring that homework doesn't get neglected in favor of evening IMing is critical. Teach your tween good physical self-management: at least nine hours of sleep every night, regular protein and low glycemic snacks, regular exercise. Instilling these habits can take real creativity on the part of parents, but they greatly reduce moodiness and you'll be happy they're well-established when your child hits the teen years. Be aware of the special needs of your son or daughter as they grow into adults in a culture that perpetuates unhealthy attitudes about men, women, and sexuality. Girls will need your help handling media images of women, the pressure to be sexy, cultural expectations about attractiveness, her relationship with food, and her body. Remember that girls naturally fill out before they shoot up, and be careful not to impose society's insistence that only thin is attractive. Notice any issues you have as her body blossoms. Be aware of the research showing that most tween girls are anxious about the sense they get from the media that becoming a woman puts them in danger from men. Boys need help integrating their sense of connection, tenderness and vulnerability -- which are a part of all human relationships -- with societal images of manliness. It's important for boys approaching their teen years to act cool, indifferent, and invulnerable with their peers, even when they're actually highly sensitive kids. A responsible, affectionate father or uncle can be a critical teacher as a tween boy learns how to be a good man. Dr. Laura Markham is the founder of the parenting web site www.yourparentingsolutions.com , featuring a popular advice column and parent-tested solutions you can use every day to connect with your kids and create a richer family life. Her work appears regularly on a dozen parenting sites and in print, and she conducts frequent online chats with readers. Dr. Markham specializes in helping families nurture the parent-child relationships that protect today's kids. She lives in New York with her husband, 11 year old daughter, and 15 year old son. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com More >>

A Parent's Guide to Dog-Bite Prevention Colleen Pelar, CPDT, CDBC www.LivingwithKidsandDogs.com "If my dog ever bites my child, he's out of here!" I hear that all the time. It just makes me want to scream, "But that will be too late!" Each year nearly 2.8 million children are bitten by a dog. Most of these bites are not coming from some scary dog that got loose. Sensational stories make headlines, but most dog bites are more commonplace. Half come from the family's own dog, and another 40 percent come from a friend or neighbor's dog. As a dog trainer and a mother of three boys, I want families to love having a dog, but I am perpetually frustrated by the lack of knowledge most parents have about basic dog safety. They seem to be operating under the Disney-esque assumption that a good dog would never bite a child, and their dog is certainly a good dog. Well, I'm sure their dog is a good dog and their kids are good kids, yet every day misunderstandings occur because the parents don't know how to set everyone up for success. We parents can do much more to prevent our children from being bitten by dogs. But it takes some knowledge. The best barrier against aggression is a strong social drive. When choosing a dog for your family, look for one that adores people, especially children. A dog that really enjoys kids will give your kids the benefit of the doubt when they step on his tail or fall over him. Even with the best supervision, there will be times when a child hurts a dog. Today, one of my sons kicked off his snow boot, which went flying down the hall and hit the dog. Fortunately for all of us, Gordo didn't bat an eye. Several times a month, I am asked to perform behavior assessments of family dogs. One painful part of my job is telling parents when I do not believe their dog has the right temperament to be a safe companion for their children. That breaks my heart, but I feel strongly that I must call the shots as I see them. Sugar-coating or painting a rosy picture might put the family's child in danger, and I can't live with that. I often see dogs that could be great family members with some support from the parents. Supervision, along with a basic understanding of dog behavior, is the key. For example, here is something I bet you don't know: Dogs don't like hugs! Oh, I know, your dog loves when your kids hug him. While I believe that dogs can be taught to accept and, in a few cases, even welcome hugs, I also know that hugging is not a normal dog behavior. Think about the last time you saw one dog "hug" another. It wasn't a gesture of affection, was it? No, it was either mating or a dominance display. Do you really want your dog thinking your child is attempting either of those behaviors? Children, especially preschoolers, rarely understand the concept of personal space. We parents need to be sure that our dogs get some downtime away from the kids. It's wearing to have someone following you around all day, even if he means well. My kids know that if the dog goes in his crate, they cannot talk to him or pet him until he chooses to come back out. It gives the dog a private refuge where he's not expected to be the local celebrity, the center of attention. Learning a bit about canine body language helps too. There is a set of behaviors-called calming signals-dogs display when they are stressed. These serve two purposes: they are an attempt at self-soothing, akin to thumb sucking, as well as a message to others that the dog would like the situation to defuse. Watchful parents can step in when they see their dog exhibiting these behaviors. Lip licking-When a dog is a little anxious, he will often quickly stick out his tongue and lick his lips. It's usually just a fast, little flick. Watch your dog; this is one of the most common signals I see. Yawning-This is often mistaken for contentment. The dog is surrounded by kids, and he lets out a big yawn. Isn't that sweet? Nope, it's a sign that he's in a little over his head and would appreciate your help. Shaking off-We've all seen dogs shake off when they are wet, but this happens at other times too. I liken it to a reset button on a video game. Time to shake off and start over. It will happen right after something makes the dog uncomfortable, usually as he's walking away. Freezing-Watch out! Freezing is one step beyond a calming signal; it's often a last-ditch attempt to tell you to back off. Dogs typically freeze right before they snap or bite. That may sound obvious, but one of the scariest things I ever saw was when an owner told me, "Lucy loves to have kids hug her. Look how still she is." It was a heart-stopping moment for me. Lucy, thank goodness, did not bite, but she was definitely not enjoying the experience. Spaying and neutering our pets helps too. Nearly 80 percent of dog bites come from intact males. It's important not to blame kids for being kids or dogs for being dogs. Let's be realistic; it's impossible to control someone else's behavior 100 percent, be it dog or child. We parents can, however, teach dogs and kids to enjoy each other's company more by building an understanding of each other's behavior-and in doing so, we will decrease that scary number of annual dog bites and help ensure that our children are not bitten. Colleen Pelar, CPDT, CDBC, author of Living with Kids and Dogs . . . Without Losing Your Mind , is America's Kids and Canines Coach. Colleen has more than 15 years' experience as the go-to person for parents trying to navigate kid-and-dog issues. Because every interaction between a child and a dog can be improved by a knowledgeable adult, Colleen is committed to educating parents, children, and dog owners on kid-and-dog relationships. For more information visit www.livingwithkidsanddogs.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Exercise and Pregnancy By Tracey Mallett www.TraceyMallett.com I know how exciting it is to finally hear the news that you're going to have a baby. I'm sure there are many questions going through your head about keeping you and your baby healthy throughout your pregnancy. I've gathered a few of the most-asked questions to guide you safely and healthfully on your journey to new motherhood. Can I continue exercising in my first trimester? The first trimester is not the time to start a NEW exercise routine. It is best to wait until you're in to your second trimester and have clearance from your doctor to start an exercise plan. However, for those who are already active, you can safely continue with what is familiar to the body through the first trimester. What are the best activities to do through pregnancy? It's very important to listen to your body and not take part in any activities that may cause abdominal trauma. It is also important to stay well hydrated and prevent over-heating. According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, you can safely engage in 30 minutes or more of moderate exercise on most, if not all, days of the week. Be aware you will have less oxygen available for aerobic exercise during pregnancy, so modify the intensity of your routine accordingly. Pregnancy will make exercise feel more difficult, especially in the first trimester, as the amount of blood circulated by the heart increases early in pregnancy and levels off during the third trimester at 30 to 50 percent above normal values. Throughout exercise you should always be able to carry on a conversation. This is a great way of monitoring the intensity of your workout. You also have to take into consideration that the heart rate increases during pregnancy and you will need to allow for additional recovery time to bring the heart rate down following an exercise session. It could take up to 15 minutes to recover. Remember, it's important to listen to your body and stop exercising when fatigued. Don't exercise to exhaustion. You might be able to continue doing weight-bearing exercises at close to your usual intensity throughout pregnancy, but non weight-bearing exercise such as swimming is easier to continue and carries less risk of injury. What activities should I avoid through pregnancy? Don't do exercises in which you could lose your balance, especially in the third trimester. Avoid any exercise that risks even mild abdominal trauma. Jerky and rotational movements present in dance classes and kick boxing need to be taken with care especially in the third trimester when the center of gravity is greatly affected by the increased baby weight and may also cause balance issues. I would steer away from classes that have high-impact moves or modify the routine, keeping both feet on the floor. A good fitness instructor will always cue this for people with knee and back issues. Hot yoga is not recommended, due to the excessive heat which can cause harm to the fetus and can increase blood pressure. Mat Pilates is really only appropriate when it's completely modified. Most of a typical mat class is lying on the back, which is not advisable for the second and third trimester exerciser, as it can decrease the blood flow to the uterus . Mat Pilates is fine for first trimester if you have been practicing Pilates consistently before conceiving. After that time, look for a prenatal Pilates class or do a Pilates Pregnancy DVD at home. As you move toward the end of your pregnancy, the level of intensity and duration should be reduced as not to cause injury to the body with the extra weight of the baby and strain this may place on your joints and ligaments. Avoid balance activities such as lunges, single-leg squats and exercises on the big Swiss ball. Excessive rotation of the torso can place strain on the fetus. Stay away from doing classic abdominal crunches as this may cause a diastisis recti -- the separation of the abdominal muscles. When taking Yoga or stretching, it's important to remember that your joints and tissue will be loose during pregnancy because pregnancy hormones (relaxin), which help the uterus expand, also affect all of the body's connective tissue in the process. This is not the time to push your body to new found flexibility. You should instead work in a safe, comfortable range, maintaining good range of motion. Unless the doctor has specifically cautioned you not to exercise due to an existing medical condition, you are free to continue with your exercise program. Research has supported that babies are leaner and healthier because their moms took part in a regular exercise program during pregnancy. If you start to feel dizzy, light-headed, onset of headache, nausea, vision changes, extreme fatigue or shortness of breath, then exercise should be terminated. Your body will tell you all you need to know. Get familiar with your new body and listen carefully. Enjoy your fit pregnancy. About the author: Tracey Mallett is an internationally-recognized certified personal trainer and sports nutritionist. She is also a certified fitness instructor, Gyrotonicreg; and Master Pilates instructor. Tracey is the creator and star of the "3-In-1 Pregnancy System," the first DVD of its kind combining Pilates, Yoga and strength training for pre- and post-natal mothers. Her newest videos are "Renew You" and "Super Body BootCamp." A proud mother of two, Tracey, who hails from Bloxwich, England, now lives in Los Angeles. Visit her online at www.TraceyMallett.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>