Direction and Discipline; Be A Parent, Not a Pushover By Maryann Rosenthal www.drma.com The truth is, there are a lot of wimpy parents. They don#146;t trust their own judgment. They treat their kids as if they are delicate crystal that might shatter with even the gentlest handling instead of fairly durable glassware that#146;s designed to hold up pretty well if not abused. But here#146;s what you#146;ve got to keep in mind: you know more than your children#151;and you#146;re supposed to tell them what to do . You weren#146;t created to be their pals, their playmates, their servants. You#146;ve got more experience and better judgment#151;use them! What#146;s more#151;and trust me on this#151;all kids know they need guidance from their parents. In fact, they want it. They#146;re probably not going to admit that. To do so would be too much of a concession, too big of a blow to their youthful egos. They like the reassurance that comes with knowing there#146;s somebody who cares for and looks after them. But, understand, it takes strength of will to set and stick with rules. One of the reasons so many parents wimp out and set weak rules, or none at all, is because they lack courage in their convictions. They know they#146;ll get pressured. Teens, especially, will push for a relaxation of the rules without having earned that. Other teens will lobby them to ease up because #147;all the kids#148; are doing something or other. Other parents may suggest that the stricter parents are out of step. Even society itself may seem arrayed against them. But if the parents have thought through the rules and those rules fit the plan, they should stick with them. Another reason parents waffle on setting realistic limits is that they want their kid to love and admire them. That#146;s a worthy goal, but it#146;s wrong to think that leniency is going to achieve it. In fact, there#146;s some reason to believe just the opposite. Some kids, very quick to perceive weakness, may counter with, #147;If you loved me, you#146;d let me stay out till 4 a.m., like Jamie#146;s folks allow her to do.#148; Or, #147;I hate you because you#146;re so strict.#148; Parents need to have enough self-confidence to see through such fleeting#151;maybe even contrived#151;anger and stick to well-reasoned rules. Maybe you didn#146;t have a very good relationship with your own parents. Perhaps they were too strict, and you suffered as a result. Maybe you or they, or both, have some guilt at not having gotten along, of not having come up with a division of power that worked for both parties. But that was then and this is now. Don#146;t repeat their mistake by going to the other extreme. Give your kid a reasonable structure: tough at first, then progressively more liberal as his or her behavior dictates. My advice? If you know you#146;ve been fair and reasonable in setting limits, then gut it out. After all, you#146;re the grown-up here. And this, too, shall pass. Your child eventually will come around to see the logic of some rules, even if he or she doesn#146;t always agree with the specifics. You#146;ll likely forge a better long-term relationship with your teen if you come up with strict rules and enforce them, than if you don#146;t. Sure, there may be some short-term grumbling. But over the long haul, the teen will know you really care and will respect you for investing time and effort in the rule-setting process, especially if you are calm, consistent, and give positive feedback. Dr. Maryann Rosenthal is a highly respected clinical psychologist on family dynamics and best selling author of Be A Parent, Not A Pushover , recently selected as a book of the year on effective parenting. She is a featured authority on regional and national television and a global keynote speaker. She has been selected by Yahoo! Health , to be a family relationship expert. For more information visit www.drma.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

My Child Was Bullied By Another Parent #150; What Can I Do? By Derek Randel www.stoppingschoolviolence.com Eight-year old Becky came home from school last Tuesday and was upset with how Sarah was treating her. The two of them have been friends since they were four-years old. As her father I wasn#146;t worried about the two of them having a disagreement. But what Becky said next just floored me, #147;Dad, Sarah#146;s mom was school today and she started yelling at me and called me a spoiled brat!#148; As Becky#146;s father I wanted to call Sarah#146;s mom right away and straighten this out and let her know that she can#146;t talk to my daughter that way. We have always been cordial to each other but she did seem to be a very strict parent. She can yell at her daughter but I won#146;t allow her to yell at mine. After calming down I began to wonder if calling her and fighting for Becky would really be best for all of us. What other options are open to me when another parent bullies my daughter and what can I tell Becky? I realized that I had choices: I could become involved and straighten this mother out and this for me would be the fun choice. This of course would end up having the two of us not getting along anymore even if our children become friends again. Or I can let Becky deal with it herself after all it is her problem, right? But this might deliver a hidden message that when you have a problem your father is not available to help you and with the teen years around the corner I want her to feel like I will be there for her. A third choice and the one I chose, was to empower Becky with techniques for handling these types of situations. According to our parent plan, (you do have a parent plan don#146;t you?) we want to teach our children proper manners, how to address adults, how to treat others, and how to handle life when things don#146;t go your way. Here are three solutions that can make a difference for both you and your child in this difficult situation. Modeling- The best way to teach any trait is to model it for your child. If you do not want your child to smoke, then it is best that you avoid smoking. Your child observes everything you do; nothing gets by their eyes. If they see you hold the door open for the elderly, then they will learn that this is the expected thing to do in our society. The old adage, do as I say not as I do, does not work when it comes to parenting. Boundaries - We want to teach our children about boundaries. There are many types of boundaries. Remember that boundaries set limits. Here are some types of boundaries: Physical Boundaries #150; You allow someone to enter your physical space. Sexual Boundaries #150; You determine how you#146;re going to be sexual with someone. Emotional Boundaries #150; You determine what you want or how you want to think or feel about any topic. Spiritual Boundaries #150; You have the right to think and believe what you want. Boundaries are all about freedom and recognizing when these freedoms have been crossed. Boundaries give us a framework in which to negotiate life events. Recognizing and acting when our boundaries have been crossed will protect our freedoms. By building foundations based on mutual trust, love, and respect we can expect our children to grow up more tolerant and with mature characters. Simply put, boundaries will simplify your life. Self-Concept - Think of self-concept as a road map for our life. It determines where we go, what we achieve, and how we get there. If our children feel good about themselves, then they will feel capable of achieving success. Our behavior matches our self-concept. Now for the bad news: you cannot give your children high self-concept. High self-concept is an inside job. You cannot catch it from others like you do the flu. But, there are numerous ways you can help build their self-concept. If I had modeled the expected behavior, if I taught Becky about her boundaries, and if I helped her nurture a high self-concept then I believe Becky would have the necessary techniques to handle Sarah#146;s mother bullying her and many other situations she finds herself in. Becky would know to be polite to every adult. She also would recognize when her boundaries have been crossed. Whenever someone crosses into your boundaries you must react but this is hard when so many people do not recognize their own boundaries. Becky knows no matter who crosses her boundaries she is to walk away and get the nearest authority figure to help. The idea that I can and I#146;m able to walk away from an adult is very important for all children. Becky now knows she is nobody#146;s punching bag or verbal garbage can. Imagine how many children would live a better life if they had this belief. Becky also knows that just because someone is your friend doesn#146;t mean she has to stay a friend if she is mean or abusive, or even if you just grow apart. Sarah will have many issues to deal with because of her mother#146;s behavior. Look at the wonderful behavior that is being modeled and the mother does not seem to understand where her boundaries end and Sarah#146;s begin. In our life all of us including our children will run into nasty people like Sarah#146;s mother. We do not have to own their garbage just because they#146;re trying to give it to us. By sharing with your child these simple techniques you#146;re giving them roots and wings simultaneously. Derek Randel is a parent coach who speaks nationally on how to remove the yelling from your home and how to protect your child/student from bullying and school violence. Derek has been seen on many television shows and is heard on radio shows around the country. He is the author of Stopping School Violence and was nominated for a Disney American Teacher Award. He also is a certified stepfamily coach through the Step-Family Foundation. For more information visit www.stoppingschoolviolence.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Rekindling Your Holiday Spirit By Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman The holiday season is upon us. And for many it is accompanied by a hectic pace, bah humbug attitudes, and the holiday blues. Spouses cringe at the thought of spending a portion of the holiday season arguing with the family or long hours traveling to have dinner with relatives. Visions of children being let out of school for three weeks, with the weather turning too cold for them to be outside have some parents shuddering in anticipation of long days and short fuses. For many people the holidays have lost their appeal and the reason for the season has become wrapped more in frustration, greed, and disappointment than in joy and generosity. Is it time to rekindle your holiday spirit? Are you in need of bringing some life, meaning, and enthusiasm to you and your family's holiday season this year? If so, it's not too late to implement a few of the inspirational ideas suggested below. 1. Slow down and enjoy the moment. Repeat the following phrase 20 times a day to yourself beginning now and continuing through the New Year. "I relax into the flow of life and I let life provide all that I need easily and comfortably." Do this faithfully every day and you will be amazed at the results. 2. Donate some time and energy to a charity. Giving brings out a special part in all of us. Ring the bell for the Salvation Army, volunteer at a soup kitchen, or help deliver food baskets. Your giving will be rewarded with inner feelings of peace and comfort. 3. Make your own holiday cards to mail to friends and family. Involve your entire family in designing and coloring a holiday picture for your card. Agree on a saying or text message you want to add. Take it to a Kinko's or Office Max and have it made into your personalized holiday greeting that includes envelopes to match. 4. Take a unique and creative holiday picture of you or your family. The popularity of the serious family photo used on a greeting card seems to be increasing. As a fun change of pace, why not surprise your family and friends with a unique or silly photo of you and your children? How about a group picture of the family's bare feet or a close-up picture of each family member's belly button with a contest to see who can match the belly button to the right person? The idea here is to be creative and have fun. 5. Bake cookies or bread and make a personal delivery to a few friends. Bake as a family. Wrap as a family. And deliver as a family. The personal delivery adds a connecting link between your family and the recipient. It is an effective way to remember that being with someone is as important as doing for someone. 6. Record five holiday songs sung by the family or kids and send it to Grandma. Grandma, Grandpa, or Aunt Julie will enjoy singing along with your family's rendition of some of the holiday classics. You never know, your family could be the next Partridge family. 7. Give a turkey or ham to five needy families. Find a need and fill it. Your heart will be filled along the way and your children will learn a valuable lesson in charity. 8. Attend a holiday concert or festival of music. Holiday music fills the heart and soul with memories of childhood, friends, family rituals, and special events. Allow your heart to open to the music of the holidays. Let it soothe your soul and let yourself be moved by its presence within you. 9. Make your own ornaments. Decorate pine cones. Shape Play-Doah and let it dry. Make chains of green and red construction paper. Buy Styrofoam balls and paint them with glitter, glue, and string. Decorate cookies. The ideas are limitless; flow with it. 10. Go on a "light seeing" tour. Jump in the car with the family and go on a neighborhood "light seeing" tour. When you get home encourage each person to talk about which light display he or she liked best and have them tell why. Take a different "light seeing" tour each night. 11. Make your own wrapping paper. Trace cookie-cutter shapes onto large sheets of white paper, and color and paint the shapes as desired. Or cut sponges into holiday shapes and sponge-paint designs. Use that paper to wrap your holiday gifts. 12. Decorate a tree outside for the animals. During the winter months many animals find it difficult to locate nutritious foods to eat. By stringing orange rings, apple rings, and carrots and placing them on a tree outside you create a beautiful tree that helps the wildlife survive a difficult time of the year. 13. Give the kids disposable cameras and allow them to take one picture each day from December 1 to January 1. Finding the right picture to take can be a learning process for each person, young and old. Encourage them to search for something that is meaningful about each day on a personal level. Follow up in January by printing the pictures. Each person can then create their own countdown calendar to use during next year's holiday season. Remember, it is you who creates the reason for the season. It is up to you to take charge and make it the holiday season you desire. Happy Holidays! Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose. They also publish a FREE e-mail newsletter for parents and another for educators. Subscribe to them when you visit www.chickmoorman.com or www.thomashaller.com . Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. For more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their websites today. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Seven Simple Steps to a Sweeter You By Connie Bennett, C.H.H.C. With the winter holidays here and the New Year on the horizon, it's the ideal time to take stock of where you are and where you'd like to go. In other words, it's invaluable to take a probing look inward and make some moves in the direction of your dreams. Ask yourself: Are you the kind of person you'd like to be? Are you achieving your heart's desires? How can you be kinder, better and sweeter? What traits and skills do you need to develop or cultivate to get to where you want to go? Or let's put it another way: It's time to do some internal housecleaning. Since we're human, each of us can always find something about ourselves to improve. My clients have found that doing this kind of assessing and goal setting helps them to build confidence, achieve inner joy and love themselves. Here are 7 areas to explore that can lead you to personal growth and transformation so you become a person you like, admire and respect. 1) Take delight. Do you view the glass as half full rather than half empty? Do you feel joy, delight and glee when you view a sunset, when you see trees, when your child looks at you with adoring eyes, when you first bite into an organic apple, when you walk down the street, or when you're immersed in a project? Make yourself to look at the bright side of things. No one wants to be around a killjoy so concentrate on fostering that part of you that's childish, innocent, sweet and fun. Become the kind of person people love to be around. 2) Listen with zeal. Do you pay close attention to other people when they speak? Do you care about their worries, goals and fears? Or are too wrapped up in yourself? There's nothing more annoying than someone who cuts you off in the middle of saying something. Challenge yourself to really focus on what people are saying. That way others will want to share with you more. Besides, you'll like yourself better, too. 3) Cultivate gratitude. Lately, giving thanks has been given good play-and not just around Thanksgiving. Being appreciative is something we should do on a daily basis. Have you thanked God or the universe lately for your loved ones, your home, your job, your friends, your innate skills and talents, your material possessions, etc.? If not, begin a gratitude journal or take stock on your computer every morning and/or evening. 4) Get enough zzz's. Lack of sleep seems to be an American hobby, if not an obsession, and I confess, I'm one of the worst offenders. Many of us seem driven by all that we have to do, whether it's answering e-mails, cleaning the house or catching up with a friend. But recent research suggests that sleep-deprived people may be more likely to be overweight. Not getting enough rest also may make you grumpy, brain foggy and unproductive. Even more frightening, sleep deprivation may increase your risk for heart attacks, strokes, colon cancer, breast cancer, heart disease and diabetes. 5) Enjoy quality carbs and real food. One of the most effective ways to become a healthy, energetic, kind, successful, loving person is to eat superior, nutritive carbs (vegetables, fruits, whole grains, nuts and seeds) and turn your back on those health-harming culprit carbs. Are you a sugar junkie or a carb craver? Do you grab chocolate, soda or donuts just to get through the day? As my book SUGAR SHOCK!, explains, overeating sugary foods and refined, much-like-sugar carbs (processed breads, pasta, crackers, white rice, etc.) could send you into sugar shock and lead to more than 150 ailments, including obesity, depression, heart disease, cancer, type 2 diabetes, mood swings, infertility, low libido, failing memory and premature aging. 6) Get moving. As we all know by now, physical activity can work wonders. If you're feeling like a zombie-that is sluggish, listless and unmotivated, there's nothing like getting off your derriere and dancing or just plain walking to energize you. It's well documented, as the Mayo Clinic points out , that exercise improves your mood, combats chronic diseases and can even put the spark back in your sex life. So put on your sneakers now. 7) Break free of clutter. The road to self improvement doesn't always have to be complicated. In fact, just getting rid of your "stuff" can give you a tremendous breakthrough experience. Cutting out clutter is one of those simple, but uplifting projects that can quickly bring you to a better place. It is exhilarating and exciting to discard excess documents, old clothes and undesirable doodads. (Guess I need to end this article now to wade through some piles of papers!) Don't these 7 Steps to a Sweeter You sound pretty easy? Don't waste any time-pat yourself on the back because you've considered taking such important action. Now, start moving those goal-setting muscles and select one step to take each day of the week. I'm willing to bet that within three weeks, you'll already become more happy, content and self-fulfilled. So get going-start building the foundation for a sweeter life and a sweeter you. Connie Bennett, M.S.J., C.H.H.C. is a former sugar addict and author of SUGAR SHOCK! (Penguin Group). Her book has been endorsed by many experts, including "Oprah" regular and bestselling YOU author Dr. Mehmet Oz, who says it "spills the beans." Connie is a certified holistic health counselor, sugar-liberation expert, speaker, frequent TV and radio show guest ("CBS News Sunday Morning," "Oprah Friends Radio," etc.) and founder of A Sweeter You Institute. She maintains the SUGAR SHOCK! Blog, hosts the weekly Stop SUGAR SHOCK! Radio Show and holds Sugar Liberation seminars. Connie also is an experienced journalist and columnist, who has been published widely in print and on the Web. To learn if sugar has control over you, take the SUGAR SHOCK! Quiz at www.SugarShockBlog.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

The Secret Gift Inside your Child: Eight Ways to Nurture Respect This Holiday Season By Joanne Baum "The Parenting Maven" www.respectfulparenting.com If your child watches television and is able to talk, you are probably being inundated with your child's requests for the amazing things being shown on television. Remember, those companies pay people large salaries to create those ads your child is falling for. They are well done. They are accomplishing their goal. But at what cost to you? It actually helps if your child has gotten one of these must-have presents the last year that was supposed to be soooooo cool and soooooo amazing and it turned out to be different than the commercial. You can remind your child of that this year. "Things are not always as they seem." Explain to your child that "wish lists" are just that, wishes and they do not all get filled. They are for you (and Santa if he is part of your holiday season) to choose from. They may remain wishes. One thing my dad always used to say to me when I asked for things when I was growing up was, "Joanne, it's always good to want things." Meaning: it's okay to want something just know you won't always get it, but it's something you can strive for and maybe earn it over time if you really still want it. I remember one year (and this is showing my age) I really wanted a 3-Speed English racer bicycle. I really, really wanted it. I was dreaming about riding that shiny black bike long before I got it. My dad patiently sat me down and told me he'd like to get it for me for my birthday but that we just couldn't afford it and maybe I could help. I was about ten years old. How was I going to help? But somehow, a few relatives gave me money for my birthday and I was able to chip in. We went to the store together and bought the bike. It was so thrilling! I know I felt proud because I helped buy it. At the time, I hated when my father said, "Joanne it's always good to want something." I hated hearing that because it usually meant I wasn't going to get it. And like every child, my wants were so strong and so immediate, like I had to have whatever "it" was. Slowly, over time I realized that a lot of those things I really wanted, when I didn't get them, and other friends did, I often wasn't as impressed as I thought I'd be, and it was really "okay" not to have it. Or, if I got a less expensive off brand that worked as well, I learned the benefit of shopping for value rather than name brand. Sometimes I learned that when I did not get the item in any way shape or form, that the desire went away and life was really okay without having that "thing" I had wanted so much. Another lesson was that my taste changed and sometimes a short time later I didn't even want "it" anymore. That one line taught me so many things. It's one of the lines I have chosen to repeat with my child only with a longer explanation than the one I received. He still doesn't like hearing it but hopefully he's learning some of the same valuable lessons I learned. So how do we teach our child respect and limits this holiday season? Here are 8 ways to nurture respect in your child: Be honest with yourself about your limit. Share your limits with your child and discuss them so your child understands. Make some gifts together so your child can feel proud about helping and creating a gift for someone else. Make cards together having your child dictate messages to loved ones if he or she is too young to write a message. Listen carefully when your child speaks and tell your child what you are hearing him say to say you. Ask your child if you've heard him correctly. If you haven't, take the time to go over it again until you know you've heard what's important to your child. Teach your child the differences between needs and wants, especially how both can feel very intense but they're not the same. If you can teach your child that, you'll be giving the best gift you can give. Be respectful with your child: talk kindly, be patient, focus on your child, give your child positive messages, slow down to your child's pace, listen for your child's needs, and respect your child's limits. When you treat your child with respect you will get respect back. It follows naturally. Dr. Joanne Baum is a therapist, speaker, author, mediator, and columnist. With more than thirty years of clinical experience Dr. Baum specializes in issues faced by couples, parents, families, and individuals. Joanne does parent coaching in person, via phone or e-mail. Dr. Baum also works as a divorce coach, child specialist, and Child and Family Investigator for divorcing families. Joanne is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, a Board Certified Diplomat in Clinical Social Work, and a Certified Alcoholism Counselor, Level III. Dr. Baum has authored four books including her recent book, Got the Baby...Where's the Manual?!? She has a private practice in Evergreen, Colorado. For more information visit www.respectfulparenting.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Parenting Strategies for De-Stressing the Holidays By Paula Statman www.kidwisecorner.com Parenting is a tough balancing act. It's even tougher at holiday time, when all the excitement can have a negative impact on children. Having a flexible approach, setting priorities, and spending your time, energy, and money wisely will help keep kids' stress at bay and make the holidays enjoyable for the whole family. Holiday Stress is Contagious It's not realistic for parents to expect children to relax when they are running around like crazy, shopping, baking, decorating, and becoming stressed at the thought of blowing the holiday budget after just one trip to the mall. If parents are experiencing an increase in stress then so are their children. Children reflect the mood of the household and the ideas and values of the family. So if the parents are spinning out of control, the kids will spin out of control, too. How to Manage Kids' Stress 1. Adjust Attitudes and Manage Expectations Have a discussion before the holiday season begins. Pledge to make the holiday season a time of love and peace, not a time focused on material goods and gifts. Talk to your children about the true meaning of the holiday season depending on your faith and heritage. Kids need some degree of control and predictability. Prolonged uncertainty, constantly changing plans or last minute decisions can all increase stress. Include your children in holiday planning sessions, and let them know the final details well in advance. This will give them a chance to prepare themselves emotionally for the visits, dinners and other running around of the season. Holiday shopping can be overwhelming for kids, so help them decide in advance who to buy for, what to buy and how much to spend. Or even better, discuss with your kids how they can make appropriate gifts for family and friends. Manage your kids' expectations. Don't promise things you can't produce. For example, don't promise a parent will be home in time for the holidays if the decision is really out of your control. Don't try and compensate for an absent family member with lots of gifts. What most kids really want is your time and attention. 2. Create Rich and Meaningful Experiences Don't underestimate how important traditions are to you and your children. Family traditions offer great comfort and security for children when everything in their lives is being disrupted by the holiday season. Focus on experiences rather than spending. Help children think about giving as well as getting. What they can do for the community, even at a young age, helps them understand that the world is about "we" rather than "me." Propose ideas such as baking cookies and delivering them to a local nursing home or soup kitchen. Ask your kids what they would like to do. Crafts, baking, ice skating, stories around the fireplace, seeing friends are the things that memories are made of. Family traditions are what we recall as adults - not the gifts we got. Help your kids enjoy the holiday season by creating wonderful, stress-free memories that they will carry with them for a lifetime and pass own to their own children someday. 3. Preserve and Protect Routines Stick to your normal family routine as much as possible. It's often hard to take time out of busy holiday preparations, but a walk, a trip to a playground or play area, or whatever else you usually do with your kids each day can be a great stress reducer. Kids are often dragged along on shopping expeditions or taken to events over which they have no control. And when a routine is broken, stress can result. If possible, skip unnecessary activities or tag-team as parents. Have one parent do the shopping or run the errands while the other stays home to keep things status quo. It can make a big difference. 4. Eat Healthy and Consciously Try to plan at least one healthy, homemade meal every day. And don't let your guard down with snacks... a nutritious snack can help a child function much more smoothly through a long afternoon of shopping at the mall. Limit the fast food during the holidays. Factor in sugary holiday treats that can cause kids to be hungry and stressed. 5. Monitor and Limit TV and Video Games De-emphasize television. Much holiday programming seems to be designed to get children all worked up about the holidays. Try to mute or turn off the commercials, and be selective about your family's holiday viewing. Limit the amount of time kids playing video games. Encourage physical activity and interaction with peers. Children who are experiencing some stress usually need more physical activity. Encourage your kids to bundle up and play outside. If you have younger ones, make time for a walk. The fresh air can work wonders. 6. Use Stress-Reducing Techniques Instead of telling your child to go "calm down" this holiday season, give them the tools they need to manage stress and anxiety. If you see your children beginning to get stressed, try to spend some quiet time with them before the situation gets out of control. Stop for a snack, a game or a few minutes of reading before rejoining the holiday activities. 7. Keep the Mood Light Hands down laughter is still the number one way to relieve stress at any age. Laugh it up with your kids and their mood will shift from good to bad in no time. Laughter is still the best way to beat stress and change everyone's mood from bad to good. Take time to read the comics to your children, or find a holiday joke book with family humor at your bookstore or library. Parents are the gatekeepers for the level of holiday excitement and stress that reaches their kids. Their ability to parent with flexibility and strength, recognizing and responding wisely when they are their kids feel stressed will help them manage the pressure and tension that can affect everyone's enjoyment. Paula Statman, M.S.S.W. is an internationally respected educator, speaker and award-winning author. Her practical, positive approach to raising safe and strong children has benefited hundreds of thousands of parents. Paula is a repeat guest on Oprah and the Today Show , has appeared on over 200 radio and television programs, and is featured in publications such as Parents, Child, Redbook , and USA Today.com. The founder and director KidWISE Institute, Paula lives in Oakland, California with her husband and daughter. For more information visit www.kidwisecorner.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Time-Saving Tips for the Holidays By Laura Stack, The Productivity Proreg;, Inc. www.TheProductivityPro.com When was the last time you had a really relaxing holiday? I don't mean that peaceful thirty-minute aftermath that follows a successful dinner party or the kids' gift-opening extravaganza. I mean a holiday that is relaxing, from beginning to end. That includes travel, dinner preparations, and shopping. All it will take is a little organization and advance planning. Here are some tips to get you started. Plan your travel now. Need to be out of town to see family or friends? If you haven't already made arrangements, make it a priority. Especially if you plan to fly, the best deals disappear fast. Get online and start shopping around as soon as you know where you need to be and when. Once the arrangements are made, start getting things squared away with work. Whether you need to request time off, reschedule a recurring meeting, or just let your employees know that you'll be gone, do it as soon as possible. Depending on where you work, getting holiday time off can be competitive. Especially in this case, the early bird tends to get the worm. Make a budget. Unless you've got more money that you know what to do with, it is easy for the holiday season to turn into a financial headache. Ninety-nine percent of that stress can be eliminated by thinking ahead and making a budget. Financial sanity doesn't come from having a ton of money; it comes from spending it wisely. Decide how much you're going to spend and stick to it. Letting yourself creep over your budget probably isn't going to make you a hero in the gift department, but it might cost you a gray hair or two when it comes time to sort out the holiday bills. How many times have you charged expensive items and spent five months paying for them? See if you can break tradition this year by drawing names or just sending cards. Tell the people you're not buying for that you've pared down your gift list out of necessity and ask them not to buy for you as well. Avoid the shopping marathon. Unless you really do enjoy the "shop 'till you drop" marathon mall sessions, skip the all-day shopping trips. If you start now (or better yet, six months ago), you'll be amazed at how much you can get done by picking up an item here and there while you're running your everyday errands. The secret is to sit down, make a list of the people you need to shop for, and keep it with you. Ideally, your list will include one or two gift options for each person, too. Keep your list with you and cross off a few people every week. Also keep your eye out for stocking stuffers and similar small items. And as for that whole Black Friday thing - if you don't enjoy it, skip it! Unless shopping is in your blood, the money you'll save probably isn't worth the aggravation. Wrap as you go. Don't put all of your wrapping off until the last minute. As you pick things up, go ahead and wrap them as soon as you get a chance. Wrap a couple extras for a guest who shows up unexpectedly and gives you a gift. It helps to have a dedicated wrapping area cornered off that is well-stocked with all the essentials - wrapping paper, scissors, gift tags, tape, etc. The easier you make it for yourself, the more likely you are to get it done. Simplify, simplify. No matter how cool your friends and family might play it, you are NOT the only one who gets stressed out around the holidays. If the stress of preparations is getting out of hand, don't be afraid to propose a simplified pot-luck dinner instead of a more elaborate affair or a gift exchange instead of shopping for everyone individually. Even if you just try this approach with a small group of friends or extended family, it'll be at least a small relief for everyone involved. When it comes to reducing you holiday workload, every little bit helps. Make friends with the Internet. More and more shoppers are finally taking the plunge and skipping the traditional brick and mortar stores completely. Internet shopping has come a long way in the last few years and you might be surprised at how simple it has gotten. You can easily compare prices and can generally find good deals on shipping that will guarantee arrival in plenty of time for the big day. Play your cards right. Many people take one look at that mound of Christmas cards and can suddenly think of three or four other things that require their immediate attention. We love getting cards but hate the prospect of doing ours. So we procrastinate until December 22 and pull another 2 a.m. shift to get them in the mail by Christmas. So, I look at my cards as a process. Breaking the project down into smaller pieces makes it seem more manageable. You can even begin now! The first thing I do is create the labels. Second, I stick them on the envelopes with a return address label and stamp. Next, I write the family newsletter and get it copied onto the special paper. Finally, I set up an assembly line: (a) add a salutation to the card such as "Dearest X Family," (b) sign our names, (c) enclose the newsletter and a picture, and (d) seal the envelope with a sticker. No licking for me! If you prefer to hand-write your cards, the trick is to write five each day, starting the day after Thanksgiving. Take some with you wherever you go, in case you find some free time: at the doctor's office, waiting for a meeting to begin, or picking your child up from a lesson. Cheat. Unless you really enjoy preparing mass quantities of food from scratch, there's no reason not to take advantage of a short-cut or two. Particularly when it comes to the dessert menu, there are plenty of quick and easy mixes that can help you shave some serious time off of your meal preparation schedule. Just go to the grocery store and find a few easy-to-make offerings or buy something from the deli. For a special touch you can dress your desserts with extra holiday sprinkles or a squiggle of chocolate sauce across the plate for a very restaurant-looking presentation. Give yourself the gift of time. How about purchasing a few months of housekeeping instead of clothes? Purchase a gift certificate to a restaurant so you don't have to cook. Have the veterinarian groom your dog instead of doing it yourself, being soaked, and making a mess. Buy a book on tape to listen to in the car on the way to work. Purchase a cell phone and eliminate phone tag by forwarding your calls when you leave the office. Have your groceries delivered once a week for a month (less than the cost of a blouse). Hire a teenager to do the major cleaning required before houseguests arrive. Remember your priorities. Take shortcuts where it really doesn't matter: buy cookies instead of baking them or barter a task you don't like for one you do. I know two women who trade chores at holiday time. One hates to bake; the other hates to do crafts. So one woman decorates the other's home and wraps her presents beautifully; the other does the meal preparation and holiday baking for the other! Cut out as many social engagements as possible if you want more family time-you can't go to a school musical when it's more convenient. Kids appreciate happy and relaxed parents more than perfect decorations. Get moving! However you choose to get a head start on the holiday season, you won't regret putting in the extra effort early on. Keep yourself motivated by thinking about how nice it will be to cruise through the end of December stress-free and full of holiday spirit. You might make a date with yourself to visit the mall on the last weekend before Christmas-just so you can observe the mayhem you successfully avoided by being so productive! Make it a productive day! (tm)copy; Copyright 2007 Laura Stack. Laura is the president of The Productivity Proreg; Inc. and the bestselling author of Find More Time and Leave the Office Earlier . She presents keynotes and seminars on time management, information overload, and personal productivity. Contact her at www.TheProductivityPro.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Culture of Divorce: Family Relationships at Thanksgiving By Brian Orchard www.vision.org Thanksgiving can be a joyous opportunity to cement family relationships. However, with 50% marriages ending in divorce in the United States, moral values are crumbling. For fractured families the holiday can be a lonely, unhappy time, and thankfulness may not come easily. For the children it can also be confusing. Even if equal time can be spent with Mom and Dad, the fact remains that something has gone wrong with the foundation of their lives. With the divorce rate so high, Vision.org examines the societal influences which cause divorce. Over the past hundred years or so, there have been changes in religion and ethical issues that influence marriage, personal development and family relationships. Statistics tell us that first marriages today stand a 45 percent chance of breaking up and second marriages a 60 percent chance, but those numbers just confirm what we already knew: Divorce has increased not only in frequency but also in acceptance. It isn#146;t that marriages were perfect in the 18th and 19th centuries, and that toward the end of the 20th century we somehow wandered off the straight and narrow. But regardless of what the institution used to represent, it is well documented that the traditional roles of men and women changed greatly with industrialization and urbanization in the 20th century. The harmful effects of divorce on children were documented in the Bible almost 400 years before Christ. There, we are told that God opposes divorce. (Malachi 2:16.) Marriage is a covenant. It is not independent agreement: The wife is not an inferior but a companion in whom the husband should take delight. Marriage also assumes a sexual union, and this union is much more than just a physical experience; it is the union of mind and spirit. Over the last 40 years an increased acceptance of divorce has produced profound changes in our attitudes about marriage and family. The roles of men and women not only changed with industrialization and urbanization in the 20th century, but also during World War II when women entered the workplace. The birth control pill gave women control over fertility; and wages earned brought greater decision-making ability in family relationships. These societal changes brought freedoms that previous generations did not have. During the 1970s, the divorce rate doubled as attitudes on fidelity, chastity and commitment in the younger generation became very different from those of their parents. The change reduced the incentive to work out marital difficulties. In this society and culture more and more couples are willing to endure the pain of ending a marriage without concern for the consequences to their children#151;a fact that is reshaping society. At no time is the pain felt more keenly than when others are celebrating. Those who suffer are the children, who identify not only with their mother and father as separate individuals, but also with the parents#146; relationship with each other. They carry the experience of this relationship into adulthood as they create a new family. Unless premature death interferes, marriage embarked upon in youth is intended to remain into old age. The marriage covenant relationship is intended to produce children and to provide them with the physical and mental nurturing that young, developing minds require. This is precisely the basis of the injunction recorded by the prophet Malachi against ancient Israel. Society at that time was destroying the security of future generations by dismantling the marriage relationship#151;just as ours is today. Divorce weakens the basic building blocks of our society and culture. Children of divorce may be affected to greater or lesser degrees, but they carry the impact of the broken family into adulthood and this will, in turn, affect the next generation. Perhaps it#146;s not too late for us to rethink divorce and society#146;s moral values and how our family relationships affect our society culture for generations to come. Vision Media is a Web site that looks at the issues which affect our society and culture. The visitor is challenged to examine Family Relationships with fresh eyes as Thanksgiving approaches. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Special Thanks This Thanksgiving By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller Millions of parents will pause this Thanksgiving to do what the day was originally created for--- give thanks for the many blessings that exist in their lives. Turkey, pumpkin pie, and the presence of loved ones will receive their fair share of gratitude during this annual ritual of appreciation. The abundance provided by the universe, opportunities for meaningful work, and the laughter of children will be acknowledged with gratitude by loving parents as they thank the creator for their blessings. Indeed, this traditional day calls for a traditional thank-you. But what if your appreciation this Thanksgiving took on a new look? What if the blessings you count this year included situations that aren't usually regarded as helpful, useful or valuable? Consider the following. Why not be thankful that your child is two years behind grade level in his reading ability? This struggling reader is giving you the opportunity to read to him regularly at night. This evening ritual will help build connectedness between you and your child while at the same time modeling your love for the printed word. This opportunity is an incredible blessing. Appreciate it. Why not be thankful that your daughter's soccer team lost their last game? It is important that your children have experiences of both winning and losing. By losing, children have the opportunity to learn to handle defeat and bounce back next time. With your help, they can learn that winning or losing is not the measure of who and what they are as human beings. Appreciate the opportunity the loss brings and be grateful for it. Why not be thankful that your teenager received a speeding ticket for going 45 mph in a 25 mph speed zone? Getting a ticket is not a bad thing. Not if your teen learns from it and slows her driving for the next year. If she takes personal responsibility, pays the ticket, and is more cautious about her driving, the ticket may well save her life in the future. Bless the ticket and give thanks for its blessings. Why not be thankful that your 8-year-old shoplifted in the grocery store? This is the perfect time to teach your child about shoplifting. Better now than when he helps himself to someone else's car when he is 18. Teach him how to make amends. Teach him what to say as he returns the candy bars to the storeowner. Help him learn to articulate what he learned and what he intends to do differently next time. Be grateful for the opportunity. Why not be thankful that your youngsters track mud and sand into the garage and house? The next time you stand in the garage furiously sweeping sand and wishing that your children were better behaved, quietly remind yourself that one day you'll wish you had sand to sweep out of the garage. Love the mud. Love the sand. Be grateful for the signs of the presence of children in your life. Why not be thankful for sibling rivalry? "He got more than I did" and "It isn't fair" are common childhood refrains. Bless these opportunities to help your children learn how to get along with each other. Sibling rivalry is a call for help, a signal that your children need lessons on how to interact positively with each other. Bless their unskillful way of asking for help. Be grateful that you recognize it and help them grow in working and playing cooperatively. Why not be thankful that you got to stay home with a sick child last week? You didn't have to stay home. You got to stay home. You didn't have to take him to the doctor. You got to take him to the doctor. You got to show him you care enough to drive all over town to the doctors, the pharmacists and back home again. You got to be with your boy while he was sick. Chalk it up as a blessing. Celebrate it this Thanksgiving. Why not give thanks that your child is spilling milk, talking with his mouth full, wiping cranberry sauce on his new pants, refusing to eat his vegetables, and interrupting his grandmother at the dinner table this day? It means you have more work to do as a parent. This is a blessing. You are still needed to help your child learn to pour milk more carefully, improve his table manners, learn to eat nutritiously, and show respect for elders. Give thanks for these opportunities. This Thanksgiving remember that parenting is a sacred role that you are being called to perform. Give thanks that you have been called. Give thanks that you are willing to step forward and accept that call. Celebrate yourself and your contribution to healing the planet by helping your children evolve into the people they were meant to be. You are a blessing to the world. Give thanks that you are up to the task. Happy Thanksgiving. Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of The Only Three Discipline Strategies You Will Ever Need: Essential Tools for Busy Parents and The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose . They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up visit their web sites at www.chickmoorman.com and www.thomashaller.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

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